1 / 2 / 3 / 4 - Next

Mel complains about having to hand her daughter over to a "stranger," meaning Michael. Oh, come on, he's not a stranger. He's a twerp and an asshole, but he's not a stranger.

Justin tries to leave, but Mel insists that he stay for tea. Lindsay suddenly figures out what's really bugging Mel about the J.R. situation:

Lindsay: "It has to do with you, Melanie Marcus, not getting her way, not having complete control over everything. Well, tough shit: you don't. So get used to it."

Mel looks stunned and seems to be speechless. Perhaps she'd like you to take control for the night, Linds. Give it a try. Do it for me.

The sporting life — Ben is helping out, or something, at Hunter's swim practice. Ben's feet are so big, it looks like he's wearing clown shoes. Oh, maybe I was also thinking of his goofy face.

The swim coach — with his frighteningly bad hair — congratulates everyone on a good practice, and thanks Ben for being such a great parent. Yay.

Hunter's girlfriend, Callie, stops him and says "good swim." Ah, young love.

The diner — Ted is defending his decision to have plastic surgery. Emmett thinks maybe he could turn it into a good piece for his "queer guy" segment, but Ted's not keen on the idea. Ted also asks Em if he'll still love him no matter what happens, and Em says he never loved Ted for his looks in the first place. Snort.

Deb shows up, secretly hoping the place has fallen apart without her, and isn't thrilled when Ted says everything's going great. Loretta/Rosie brings Ted and Em their food and calls Ted "the teddy bear." Aww. Personally, I think of him as more of a lemur, but never mind.

Loretta is wearing Deb's vest and a T-shirt that says "It's a fine line between lesbian and hockey mom." She's also slinging zingers just like Deb did — a customer asks, "you got an Equal?" and Loretta says "Yeah. Wonder Woman." Another guy asks for a tuna wrap, and Loretta says "Any guy eatin' tuna here is in the wrong joint."

Deb sits and steams.

More character inconsistencies — Michael is asking Hunter about his swim practice and the meet, but he calls them a "rehearsal" and a "performance." What? Since when has Michael been that kind of fag? Again, I can only say "whatever."

Brian shows up with a poster: he's hosting a "Hard Heroes" night at Babylon and wants Michael to advertise and attend. Michael says he'll be there if Brian and Justin will go to the dinner party he and Ben are having for their neighbors. Yeah, that's a brilliant idea.

Wherever Lindsay works — Lindsay is looking at Justin's photos — the ones he was going to use for his final school project. Linds decides he's worthy of the "emerging artists" show. I don't know, Linds, I think the role of lesbian museum director has been filled — in other words, you've been supplanted by one Jennifer Beals.

Anyway, Lindsay also wants Justin to still be her friend and not take Mel's side — but of course Justin's not like that. I've never been a big Justin fan, but I like it when he's honest and kind:

Justin: "You have always been... Mel and Linz. From the very beginning, when I first met Brian, you two were there for me. A shoulder to cry on, a couch to sleep on. I could never take sides. I love you both."
Lindsay: "Well, there's one thing Mel and I still agree on... It's that we feel the same way about you."

Justin asks whether there's any chance they might get back together.

Lindsay: "I was hoping at first we could. That we'd make up and all would be forgiven. But now... I guess you would call that magical thinking."
Justin: "Oh, you never know."

Yes I do. I know that I will give myself a lobotomy if they don't at least have sex one more time. Or, gee, I don't know — maybe they could just be nice to each other for five fucking minutes?

Where all the patterns go to die — Deb is watching QVC and eating ice cream — squirting whip cream on each spoonful. Emmett breezes by, but hears her ordering up a kitchenful o' crap and hesitates.

He asks her what's wrong, and she says "that bitch stole my act." Awww. Nobody will ever be you, Deb — not even Rosie.

Em says Loretta is just carrying on Deb's legacy, and Deb should be proud and "pass on the mantle with dignity — always dignity." After he goes, Deb demonstrates her dignity by squirting the whip cream directly into her mouth. Hee.

Coupledom — Brian and Justin are in the shower. Justin says he can't believe he and Brian are together but Mel and Linds aren't. They bicker a bit, playfully; Justin keeps finishing Brian's sentences.

Brian: "Marriage is a doomsday machine, destined to self-destruct."

Once again, it's very un-lesbian-like of me to say so, but I agree completely.

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 - Next