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The homo homeowners — Justin is helping Ben and Michael paint. Ben says they'll return the favor when Justin and Brian buy a house. Ben, step away from the paint fumes.

Ben realizes he never did carry Michael over the threshold, so he starts to make a big show of it when Deb arrives. She's brought sandwiches and some decorating ideas (think "velvet cat painting"), but all Michael has to offer is a glare and a pouty face.

Deb: "What's up his ass?"
Ben: "Why don't you find out?"
Deb: "I'll leave that to you. But I'd sure like to know why he's so fuckin' pissy."

Deb sticks her head in the fridge and says they need to stock up. Michael suggests that she go stock up Melanie's refrigerator. Wait. Why is that almost sounding raunchy to me? I guess I'm still thinking about gettin' messy with Mel.

But of course Michael's wrong about Deb being on Melanie's "side"; Deb says she's not on anybody's side, and all she cares about is "that kid." Did you forget her name already? Quick: how old is Gus? Yeah, nobody knows.

Deb thinks this is really about Michael resenting being raised by a single parent.

Deb: "Look, I'm sorry I couldn't give you everything you wanted. But I gave you everything I could."

In other words, Michael, you're being a prick. A big one. I do not mean that as a good thing.

Kinnetik — Ted has found a buyer for Babylon. Apparently "a consortium wants to build a galleria."

Brian: "And after they finish turning Babylon into the Mall of America, then what? Make Woody's into a Wal-mart? Torso into Target? The diner into an Olive Garden? I'm sorry, Theodore. I'm sure there are millions of faggots who'd like nothing more than to walk the straight and narrow. But I'd sooner die than see Liberty Avenue homogenized and de-homo-ized."

Deb's love shack — Carl's home. But Deb's leaving; she's working the late shift. Carl's not happy. He doesn't get why Deb has to work at all.

Deb: "Carl, I've never lived off anyone. I've never asked for so much as a dime. I don't intend to start now."

But Carl says she's not asking — he's offering, and she deserves a little time for herself, and for them.

The new guy — Emmett meets everyone at the TV station, where he's going to be the "Queer Guy." The rest of the team is not exactly thrilled to meet him. Come on, nobody doesn't like Emmett! Well, nobody except for stuck-up conservative wannabes.

The Liberty Diner — Em tells Ted that his first day on the job didn't go so well. Ted tries to shrug it off, but this is a big deal to Emmett: "Whenever I tried to play on a team, I always ended up on the bench. I don't want that to happen this time."

Aww.

At the counter, Deb is trying to make a "help wanted" sign. Justin lends a hand, and asks who's leaving — and doesn't believe Deb when she says she is.

Deb: "I've spent the last 25 years listening to these boys complain about not finding a man. Well, I've finally found one. Except I'm never home with him — how dumb is that?"

Oh, fine. Sacrifice your career for your husband. Yeah, some would say you're just waiting tables, but we all know it's a lot bigger than that.

Brian's loft — Brian arrives home to find Justin sorting through some photographs. The photos were going to be part of Justin's final school project. Brian says they still can be, but Justin says school would seem boring after Hollywood; he's going to take his time and figure out what to do next. Brian offers him a job at Kinnetik, but Justin wants to make his own way in the world. Why is it that those of us who would actually like a sinecure and a rich partner never get those offers?

Brian's off to Babylon to go down with the ship. Justin reminisces about a club in L.A. where the line was around the block. He says it wasn't that different than Pittsburgh; they just made it seem like it was.

Brian: [getting a bright idea] "Sunshine, how did I ever get along without you?"
Justin: "You didn't."

The diner — Deb is interviewing a possible replacement waitress. The woman has tons of experience, but she also has tons of wheezing and coughing to do. Deb says she'll be in touch, and the woman runs off to buy some more cigarettes.

Everyone gathers round the TV to watch Emmett's debut. But Em is nervous and buttoned up and kind of... boring. I know, it's hard to believe, but it's true.

Deb: "You didn't tell me he was the Queer Guy for the 700 Club."

Snort.

As Ted starts to babble again, Rosie O'Donnell arrives. She's playing a woman named Loretta, who's rather quiet and unsure (yes, really) and looking for a job.

Loretta tells her story: her husband has thrown her out of the house because he caught Loretta and her friend Sherilyn kissing.

Loretta: "We were makin' cinnamon buns. You know, it was a one-time thing. I mean, she's married, she's got three kids, it was spur of the moment. I mean, we were licking the icing spoon, and one lick led to another..."

She stops herself, fearing she's said too much.

Deb: "You can say whatever the fuck you want. Hell, you oughtta hear me."

They kinda bond. So even though Loretta has no experience, Deb gives her a chance. Hmm. I know that Rosie-bashing is very popular these days (and always has been, I guess), but I think she did just fine. We have Sharon Gless to thank: she brings out the best in lesbians. And, well, everyone.

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