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Queer As Folk
recap: Season Five, Episode Three
(original air date 29 May 2005)
THIS
WEEK'S QAF FAQ:
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Did Deb really quit her job?
Looks like it. But nothing's ever what it looks like on
this show, except for Brian.
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Could Ted be more annoying?
No.
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What did Deb's T-shirt(s) say?
One had a picture of a tea kettle on it and said "Caution:
under pressure." Another had a recycling symbol on
it and said "I've been used."
We're
here, we're queer, and we were stoned the last time we watched
Cabaret — Some fabulously fit fellows
in clever costumes are... well, I'm not sure what they are.
There's some sort of emcee, with a chair and a whip, and there
are some midsummer night's dream-y bondage slaves, and there's
fog and eerie light and quirky music and a spherical cage.
If this were just a little less fun and a little more pretentious,
we might be in an L Word Carnivale o' Jenny scene
instead. (If you don't know what that means, consider yourself
lucky.)
As
the cirque du queer-leil finish whatever it is they're doing,
the camera backs up to reveal that we're in Babylon, and the
crowd is more like a handful than a crowd. Brian and Ted and
Justin are among the few and the proud, and they do their
best to make the performers feel appreciated. Then they belly
up to the bar, where Brian considers ordering a "Grey
Goose and arsenic." He doesn't understand where he's
gone wrong — he's been using his considerable marketing
skills to promote the club, but the queers just aren't showing
up.
The
emcee of the floor show demands drinks on the house, "for
wasting our time and our talent." Ted says something
Ted-like that makes Justin roll his eyes.
The
park — Lindsay is sitting on a bench, under
an umbrella. The baby carriage is in front of her, and although
I'm sure that the rain shield thingy on it is perfectly safe
and is a highly touted feature of this particular model of
carriage/stroller/pram/whatever, I can't help but think that
it looks like Lindsay grabbed the plastic wrapping from a
new appliance and slipped it over poor suffocating Jenny Rebecca.
Anyway,
Mel's there, ducking under the umbrella and apologizing for
being late. For a brief moment I enjoy the civility, and the
attempt at humor:
Melanie:
"How's my sweetie?" [meaning the baby,
not Linds, unfortunately]
Lindsay: "Out like a light."
Melanie: "How much Xanax did you
give her."
Lindsay: [blink blink]
Melanie: "It was a joke. I wish
I could get her to sleep instead of crying all night."
Lindsay
doesn't want to joke; she wants to know what Mel's lawyer
said about Michael's recent trip to crazed-daddy-land. Mel
says Mikey can't possibly prove he's a better custodial parent,
and that the judge almost always favors the mother. She reminds
Linds of what happened with Hunter's mom. Oh, right, what
did happen? I seem to remember some courtroom drama. Are we
going to have to suffer through that again?
Mel
also says that her lawyer doesn't think Linds should show
up at the meeting where all of this custody stuff will be
discussed, because it will complicate things and possibly
hurt Mel's case.
Lindsay:
"Your case? We were life partners for 10
years."
Melanie: "And now we're divorcing
lesbians. Not even divorcing. Dissolving."
Dissolving
lesbians. I cannot think of a better term for the lesbians
associated with this show — be they characters or viewers.
I myself am about two seconds away from becoming a supersaturated
solution.
Mel
insists that she and Linds still have the same arrangement
— equal time for each of them with both J.R. and Gus.
"You'll just have to trust me," she says smugly.
Yeah,
I think maybe trust is the other thing that's dissolving here.
Kinnetik
— Lindsay's telling Brian her tale of woe. Brian's
got his own worries: his slogan for the new 16-ounce Blue
Rooster chicken sandwich didn't go over very well. And what
was the slogan? "When you're hungry for a big cock."
Get it? Heh.
Linds
says she wants to believe Melanie, because they've tried to
be fair where the kids are concerned. But Brian's not so optimistic,
of course. He gives Lindsay the name of a lawyer friend of
his.
Lindsay:
"I guess I have no choice."
Brian: "Guess not. The queers
are about to find out what the breeders have known all along:
in a messy divorce, nobody stays clean."
Lindsay,
you and I both know that there are so, so many better ways
to get dirty with Melanie.
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