Queer As Folk recap: Season Five, Episode Thirteen, Series Finale
(original air date 7 August 2005)

A disclaimer — This is not a recap. I tried, really, but I decided it couldn't be done. Why? Because if you're not really a fan, I have nothing to offer — despite the romantic resolutions and dramatic dénouements, the finale really had nothing to do with plot. So you can't take an idle interest in the developments. The episode was all about the characters, and all about the show as a whole — so if you are a fan, you simply must do yourself the favor of watching it. I won't help you miss it.

That said, the episode is also a testament to how far we've come. So this will be a combination of highlights and editorial: that way you'll get the gist of what happened, and maybe you'll also understand what was wrought.

Oh, and one more disclaimer: this will be sappy. As if you couldn't tell.

Brian & Justin — They looked gorgeous in their wedding suits — "beautiful," as Brian said — but they came to their senses and called off the wedding. They both realized they didn't really want to live with someone who was sacrificing everything — whether "everything" is the hedonistic-yet-altruistic Kinney joie de vivre, or the pull of the New York art world that recognized Justin's raw talent. Their farewell was a glorious, achingly honest display of pure fucking, archetypal and yet somehow uniquely, unforgettably them. Somewhere out there, Justin and Brian will always be fucking, in their beautiful blissful way.

One scene worth capturing — At Brian and Justin's wedding dinner, where they rather gleefully announced that the whole thing was off, we got this great group scene (with Daphne!):

Ted: "It's a rehearsal dinner, but what's to rehearse? They say 'I do'; then they do it."
Ben: "What do you get the man who's had everyone?"
Lindsay: "A water buffalo."
Deb: "Why the hell would Brian wanna fuck that?"
Lindsay: "It's to help Cambodian farmers plow their fields and provide milk for their children."
Jennifer: "Well, that is so much more imaginative than another boring old sterling silver place setting from Tiffany's."
Daphne: "Justin's already got everything he's ever wanted."
Carl: [softly, to Deb] "I know how he feels."

And then after Brian and Justin broke the news, Deb said, "How the fuck do you return a water buffalo?" C'mon: that's good stuff.

Brian — His artistry resurfaced when some boring pharmaceutical reps hocking a Viagra-like drug asked him to roll with the "conservative times" we're living in. Brian's answer was a carefully phrased "it's still all about sex" — which translates to "fuck off" in Brian-speak, and harks back to the very first episode. And in a couple of other particularly poignant scenes, Brian connected with his son and bantered with Mel. He and Mel were always the two transcendent ids, pulling and pushing, and ultimately respecting each other and growing in spite of themselves.

Cynthia — Who's that, you're wondering? Cynthia is Brian's assistant, and I've had a crush on her for too long. So, anyway, when Brian was making his anti-conservative ad pitch, Cynthia glibly revealed that not every woman describes love-making as "intimate, warm, and romantic." Hey, Cynthia? Call me.

Ben, Michael, and Hunter — The happy family made it official: Ben and Michael adopted Hunter and settled in for the best of what Liberty Avenue has to offer. Michael even took his head out of his ass long enough to realize that diversity and difference are more important than normalcy and acceptance, and made his momma proud.

Emmett — He gave Ted one last chance to be real, and it worked. And then Emmett himself found something that might be real and was at least fabulous: a rather lovely blast from the past. Em used to go to his high school swim meets just to see if Calvin Culpepper's trunks would fall off, and ended up charming the pants off hunky Calvin, lo, these many years later. Thumpa-thumpa!

Lindsay & Melanie — They reminisced, packed (their bags, and maybe something else), and kissed — sadly, there was no hot monkey sex with toys on the couch. But as they headed toward the horizon, it seemed clear that there was no going back, either geographically or relationship-wise. The fictional Toronto will no doubt welcome them as much as the real one welcomed Michelle and Thea (and someday, I hope, me!).

Melanie — We got one more glimpse of that big heart that we could always see underneath all the bluff and bluster. And her stunning intellect, fiery strength, and collection of hella sexy tank tops will haunt this particular recapper forever.

Lindsay — Her foibles have never really been foibles; they've just been evidence of her inability to hide her feelings. She summed it all up by telling Mel that the bad memories are part of "us" too, and without the bad ones they'd never appreciate the good ones. Coming from just about anyone else, it might have been trite, but coming from Lindsay, it just felt true. And when she and Mel sealed it with a kiss, it felt like everything most of us have ever wanted.

Ted — His dreamboat Tad turned out to be a psycho, and Ted realized it much more quickly than he would have a year ago. When he kicked the guy to the curb, he was clearly also kicking out that part of himself (a very large part, I must say) that was cloying, codependent, and just plain pathetic. And in giving up on love, he found it once more, in the form of ferrety little Flake — or brave little Blake. Whichever you prefer: either way, Ted's happy, and maybe finally okay.

Deb — Ineffable. Loving, brilliant, hilarious, open, gorgeous — everything she's always been. Sharon Gless fought for this show every minute, and without her, it would have been properly titled "Boring as Fuck." In one of her last scenes with Michael, she stood her ground and let her freak flag fly, refusing to apologize or sit at the back of the bus, at least not without scowling. Her son took up the gauntlet and sang her praises in his own geeky way, noting that his mom once told him that "People are like snowflakes: every one special and unique; and in the morning, you have to shovel 'em off the driveway." If there's a heaven, Deb will be everyone's mom. (Except for me: she'll be my girlfriend.)

Brian & Michael — The original pair was the ultimate pair, always loving each other for reasons that were never entirely apparent to us but always perfectly clear to them. They managed to represent a lot of queerness in one complicated friendship, and their final dance in the bombed-out Babylon was a study in survival and maturity. And Michael said it again: "You'll always be young; you'll always be beautiful: you're Brian Kinney, for fuck's sake."

To the directors and creators and whoever else was behind all of this — That final scene was brilliant, and brought back everything I've ever loved about this show. And that music? Perfect. (Heather Small's Proud, which also nicely links this version to the original U.K. series, since Heather Small is beloved by the Manchester queer folk.) Finally: well done.

America — The right-wing bilious wave seems pathetic and doomed in the face of these characters' unapologetic passion and unwavering truth. Here's hoping there are enough of us like them in the real world to stem the traitorous tide.

Farewell — I think the best possible final word belongs to Emmett, or rather, Peter Paige: "They came for the queer, but they stayed for the folk."