| Queer
As Folk recap: Season
Five, Episode Twelve
(original air date 31 July 2005)
THIS
WEEK'S QAF FAQ:
-
So would Brian jump off a cliff if Justin told him
to?
I think maybe he already has.
-
What's up with Ted's new boyfriend?
More importantly, why introduce this storyline in the penultimate
episode?
-
What did Deb's T-shirt say?
I think it said "How about Never? Is Never good for
you?"
Housewarming
— Brian and Justin are having sex. And having
sex. And having sex... in every room of their new house. But
it's not just a "house": Justin wants to call it
something. He suggests Mandalay and Xanadu and Wuthering Heights,
but Brian's not impressed. So then Justin says "Brighton"
— or rather Bri-tin, which is far too cute. In a sickening
kind of way.
The
reactions — Justin and Brian have sent out wedding
invites. The gallery of goggling reactions to the news is
pretty funny:
Deb:
"Jesus Fuckin' Christ!"
Ted: [spit take]
Lindsay: "It just goes to show,
if you love someone long enough and hard enough —"
Melanie: "You get a sore ass?"
Deb: "There's only one explanation:
he musta knocked up Sunshine."
Michael: "This is fucking bullshit."
Yes,
leave it to Michael to ruin the fun. Ben points out that Michael
still loves Brian, but Michael pouts and says he doesn't.
Ben finally tells him (even though he wasn't supposed to)
that Brian was at the hospital that night, and freaked out
when they told him he couldn't donate blood. This seems to
make Michael reconsider. Oh, so all of the other things Brian
has done for you weren't quite enough — he actually had
to bleed for you, or at least try to? Shut up, Michael.
The
diner — Hunter seems to have Justin's old job.
He says he'd rather clean toilets for all eternity than go
back to "shit-hole high," and Deb tells him that's
exactly what he'll be doing if he doesn't get a diploma. Yes,
it's Queer as Folk: The After School Special edition.
Meanwhile,
Drew and Emmett are having a meal and talking about Drew's
old team, the Ironmen. It seems the Ironmen are not doing
very well without him. So Drew and Em flirt and grin at each
other, but I just don't think they have much chemistry. I
think maybe Peter Paige should have been paired with someone
who can actually act. (By the way, look how cute and wonderful
he is: http://www.peterpaige.net/)
Deb
sees an unattended duffel bag on the floor and starts to freak
out. Just as Carl gets ready to call the bomb squad, the owner
of the bag emerges from the loo and says the only thing in
the bag that might be called a "bomb" is the copy
of Alexander that he rented from the video store.
Ha ha.
Making
plans — Lindsay is giving Gus a bath. Mel has
bought him a bath toy that's great for squirting water all
over. Lindsay scolds him and says, "What did I tell you
about getting Mommy wet?" Mel teases that it's just water.
What a wasted opportunity — Mel should have said something
like "I get you wet all the time, and you don't seem
to mind." But once again, one can't expect that sort
of authorial effort to be expended for the lesbians on this
show.
Mel
has just been on the phone with the foxy Jennifer; it seems
someone's already interested in the house. Lindsay's not exactly
excited to hear that, but she says she still wants to go through
with the move. Mel agrees that it's a big decision, but she
still wants to do it too:
Melanie:
"When I look at our kids' faces, I think 'why should
they grow up someplace where they're told their parents
are sick?' Or they're hurt and humiliated? That kind of
pain is indelible; you can never wash it off."
Lindsay
says they have to talk to Brian and Michael first. They both
expect Brian to be easy and Michael to be a problem, and that's
how we know the opposite will be true.
Kinnetik
— Justin and Brian have hired Emmett as their
wedding planner. Justin wants golden gardenias, which will
have to be brought in from Southern China. Brian makes a big
show of saying that if Justin wants golden gardenias, then
he'll have golden gardenias, and I nearly make a big show
of liberating the golden contents of my stomach.
Michael
shows up, and he and Brian finally kiss and make up. Yes,
literally — hey, remember when they used to kiss all
the time and you could tell that Michael was secretly wishing
they were together? Ah, good times.
Oh,
also, Brian asks Michael to be his best man. Yippee.
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