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Family troubles — Melanie and Lindsay explain everything to Ben and Michael. Linds has been coming over every day to be with the baby and to give that kid Gus some time with Mel, and then Linds and that kid Gus have been going home to a little one-bedroom apartment.

Melanie: "I had enough to deal with without having to explain to everyone."

But Michael doesn't accept that; he says it all seemed so sweet, with the two doting mothers: "Who would have guessed it was a big fucking lie."

Lindsay: "We made a wrong decision by not telling you, for which we are truly sorry. But we've been under a lot of stress."
Melanie: "Ain't that the truth. You have no idea how deceit can raise your blood pressure."

Geez, Mel. Simmer down.

Somebody else needs to simmer too:

Michael: "When I agreed to be the baby's father, it was because I knew she would be raised in a loving home with two loving parents. Not in some kind of time-sharing arrangement with complimentary sniping. You can make all the excuses you want, but if this is how you plan on raising our daughter, then we should never have had her in the first place."

He stomps off and leaves. Ben just gives everyone his mopey Ben face.

Ted in bed — Ted's new twink is feeding him pizza while they watch a movie. The twink says "There is something about the scent of an old guy... makes me so hot." He talks about grabbing onto those love handles while he's "shooting all over that big, full belly."

Ted finally gets the picture, and gets a little freaked out.

A midnight snack — Emmett, in his cute red-yellow-and-blue briefs, is rummaging for something to eat. Carl shows up in his boxers (what's on those? mushrooms? golf clubs? jellyfish? dandelions?), looking for the cranberry juice. Emmett assures him it's safe:

Emmett: "My lust bunny is locked away in my room. I even put a gag in his mouth. Of course, it was leather, and he begged me to do it, but..."

Carl says Deb is very upset that Emmett's leaving.

Carl: "Truth is, I'm a little sorry to see ya go myself."
Emmett: "Ya are?"
Carl: "Is that such a surprise?"
Emmett: "Frankly, yes. Most straight men take one look at me and head for the hills. Except for my father. He ran me out on a rail."
Carl: "Well, that's his loss. You're a good man."

I'm verklempt. You're a good man too, Carl.

Carl says he sometimes work all night, so he'd be happier if he knew Deb wasn't in the house alone. But he tells Em it's up to him.

Emmett: "What about my sex... my love life?"
Carl: "I bought a sound machine. All I hear now is raindrops falling, rivers flowing, birds chirping."
Emmett: "Maybe I should get one of those. Pretend I'm fucking in a rainforest."

And Carl snickers along with the rest of us. As Em goes back upstairs, he tosses this over his shoulder: "You know, if you were gay, you'd make one hell of a bear."

Carl sighs and chugs his cranberry juice.

The Liberty Diner — Deb is growling about Linds and Mel. A customer interrupts and asks if he can get a piece of the key lime. Deb says "When you finish your meatloaf." Deb, you could even get me to finish my meatloaf, and I'm a vegetarian.

Brian shows up and says his heart's broken about what happened last night.

Brian: "The insensitivity. You know, it's immoral, that's what it is."
Michael: "You're tellin' me."
Brian: "How could they do this?"
Michael: "You were right. Never trust munchers."
Brian: "Munchers?"
Michael: "Mel and Linds."
Brian: "What the hell have they got to do with it?"
Michael: "Who do you think is responsible?"
Brian: "For closing Babylon?"

Ha, ha.

They continue their conversation outside; Brian reveals that the owner of Babylon was hiding cash in pillow cases in his office in order to avoid reporting it as income. And now the club is "kaput."

Michael can't believe Brian cares about that more than the Melanie and Lindsay thing. But Brian says Mel, Linds, and Michael are "drama queens." Also, he already knew about the breakup; Lindsay asked him not to tell Michael. Michael gets pissed that Brian's loyalty to Lindsay meant more than his friendship with Michael.

Brian: "Don't make this about us, Michael. Because it's not. It's the ever-changing kaleidoscope of life."

Also, Michael, you whine too much.

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