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Party plans — Emmett is planning the menu for Mel and Linds's anniversary party.

Michael: "Mel and Linds are gonna go out of their minds when we show up."

Mm hmm.

Ben has also made a casserole to take along.

Ben: "Millet, leeks, and soy cheese."
Emmett: "Are you sure you're not a lesbian?"

He's not! We don't want him!

Ben complains some more, about how tiny the kitchen is and about "baby babylon" next door. After he shuffles off, Michael tells Emmett what's up. Emmett says Michael might as well face that he's now "Sadie, Sadie, married lady." Yeah, and that didn't turn out so well for Fanny, did it?

Michael's still not thrilled about the idea of moving. But Ben says it's time to grow up. Emmett just goes next door to join in the fun.

The sidewalk — Michael tells Brian his troubles as they window-shop.

Michael: "Ben wants us to buy a house in that new area where all the gay couples are moving."
Brian: "Oh, and become Stepford fags?"
Michael: "Maybe you should get a new place. A house in the country?"
Brian: "I hate the fucking country."

I love you, Brian. I forget all about it between seasons, but just like that, I'm head over heels again.

Brian sees a motorcycle; it seems like a good way to dispose of some income. They talk about Mel and Linds's ten-year "marathon muffathon," and about Justin; Brian doesn't think Justin's ever coming back. And as Brian says "he's fucking movie stars," we see Justin and Connor grunting and panting.

Brian: "If it was me, I'd never come back."
Michael: "He's not you."

And Connor's not you either, so I think Justin has a reason to come back.

Mel's brand of baby talk — Melanie is giving Jenny Rebecca (J.R. for short) an earful: "I can't believe how someone so little could have so much poop in them. You might just grow up to be a lawyer."

You're hot, Mel. You're kinda not nice, but you're hot.

There's a knock at the door. It's Michael. No, it's the surprise party. Here we go.

Michael wants to know where Lindsay is; Mel says she's at the grocery store with Gus. She excuses herself to call Linds and tell her what's up.

Okay, now I definitely think Ted is wearing a fat suit. He looks about 20 pounds heavier than the last time we saw him. Deb asks Em about it: "Is Teddy gettin' tubby?"

She also asks Em where he's been keeping himself. He tells her he's been looking for a place to live.

Emmett: "The house should be the two of yours, Deb. Not the three of ours."
Deb: "But... he'll never be Blanche when I'm playing Baby Jane. He doesn't have the shoulders or the eyebrows. Come on, you think he's gonna take me to sing-a-long Wizard of Oz or get dishy with me during awards shows, or pull my face back and tell me how much work I need? In other words... Em... you're irreplaceable."

Aww. But Em says they both have to face it. Sniffle.

Lindsay and that kid Gus finally arrive. Everyone gets back to the congratulating and celebrating as Mel and Linds stand in front of them and look uncomfortable. Ben's blathering on about committed gay couples; they finally get to a toast.

Deb: "A speech from the old married couple. Come on."
Lindsay: "There is something we'd like to say."
Melanie: "No, there isn't. Now is not the right time."
Lindsay: "When is the right time?"
Michael: "Right time for what?"
Lindsay: "I think you all should know —"
Melanie: "How much we appreciate this."
Lindsay: "Would you stop? We can't hide it anymore. It isn't fair. [to the guests] Thank you for all your good wishes. But you see, Melanie and I are having some problems."
Melanie: "I wasn't having any problems. I was trying to have a baby."
Lindsay: "And I'm the one... I'm the one responsible for all the problems."
Melanie: "Damn right you are."
Lindsay: "For which I've apologized endlessly. But you still refuse to accept the fact that —"
Melanie: "That fucking Sam Auerbach had nothing to do with sex? It was all about art? All the humping was about form and function?"
Lindsay: [to the guests] "The truth is we haven't been living together since our daughter was born."

Michael and Deb look rather stunned. I look tired.

The back room at Babylon — Brian's having another enjoyable evening. He's just about to come when the lights go up and some guys in uniforms come in. They say that the club is officially closed and tell everyone to pull up their pants and go home.

But Brian's not quite finished.

Security guard: "That includes you."
Brian: "Just wait a sec."

And the guy does wait, maybe because he knows it's best not to interrupt this sort of thing, and possibly because he's not sure he's ever made the kind of ecstatic face Brian is making right now.

By the way, Brian: nice to see the cancer thing didn't keep you off the horse for too long. Ride 'em, cowboy!

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