1 / 2 / 3 / 4 - Next

Jez's church — Azazeal asks Jez whether Ella is dead. Jez says yes without really saying yes — because if there's a definition of slippery, it's this guy.

Has-no-zeal says he's been told to leave Malachi.

Jez: "Told by who?"
Azazeal: "We all have to answer to someone. Just remember: you answer to me."

Wait: it's told by whom, you moron.

Anyway, Azazeal tells Jez to keep Malachi safe and get rid of Leon. He also says that "All mortals have a place where if the truth will stop the pain, they will give you the truth: find that place and take him there."

Yes, I know that place: it's the place where Has-no-zeal speaks with his strained neck and pretends to be scary. And it forces me to give you the truth, which is that this guy is utterly, absolutely, diabolically talentless.

Kendo training — Jez smacks a stick at someone. "Wanker," mutters Leon. Leon continues to chuckle as Jez tells them about something or other, but I wasn't paying enough attention to tell you exactly what. Anyway, the point is that Jez decides Leon needs to meet him later for some extra practice. Blah.

Leon finds Roxanne; she promptly runs away. But he doesn't give up: he says "You lied to Tom and grassed me up to your boyfriend." I would add "Your hair is hideous and your earrings laughable."

Has anyone else noticed that Roxanne's lips don't really move enough when she speaks? There must be a ventriloquist nearby. Anyway, as Roxanne blathers on and then leaves, even her lackey (whose name is apparently Alex) declines to follow.

Ghastly porn — Thelma holds a digicam up to the hole in the wall as Jez takes Roxanne doggy-style. I don't know how Thelma's managing to keep all that food in her belly.

The hideout — Ella and Thelma watch the tape of Jez and Roxanne. Leon shows up and at least seems a little appalled.

Ella: "What did you learn at school today then?"
Leon: "Uh, that I'm crap at kendo. Jez wants me to have private lessons."
Thelma: "Ooh, careful. He's up to something. He told the uber-cow he was going to see to you. It's all on tape."
Leon: "So... what should I do?"
Thelma: "Durrrr: run away very quickly."

The uber-cow. Snort.

But Ella doesn't want Leon to run away; she wants him to play along, after he delivers Thelma's work to a wider audience.

If only — The governor-ish guy (sorry, I still don't really know who he is) watches the tape of Jez and Roxanne. He tells his assistant to get Headmaster David. Yay!

Azazeal's lair — It seems Malachi's going to become a student at Medenham. Fine, whatever — and that's exactly what Malachi's thinking (he's got his headphones on).

Wait: how is Malachi going to stop this rapid ageing long enough to be a normal student at Medenham? Never mind; I'm sure this particular supernatural thing is just like Thelma's ghostliness. (In other words, completely illogical and not worth pondering.)

Kendo practice — Jez tries to get the better of Leon, but Leon parries everything — and that, along with "his" graceful moves, is how I know it's not Leon, but Ella. Finally Jez takes a blow to the stomach and "Leon" walks away, only to come back and thwap Jez over the head, and then the chest, and finally right in that space between the collarbones.

Finally Jez says "who are you?" and Ella takes off her mask. (Oh, and all this time, Malachi has been watching from the doorway.)

Jez whips out a straight razor and lunges at Ella, but she promptly beats the hell out of him. She even throws down her stick/sword and takes off the gloves. Jez tries to crawl out and save himself, but Malachi holds the doors tight while Ella strangles Jez.

Yeah, that was kind of beautiful. But Ella and I are both wondering what the hell is up with Malachi.

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 - Next