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Thelma supposes that honesty is the best policy, and begins to give Leon all the details of the world of ghosts and witches and demons.

Thelma: "Jez isn't a priest. He's a Nephelim. A fallen angel. Now, that may sound odd, but if you think about it, it makes perfect sense. I was sacrificed by one; Felix was kebabed by one; Cassie went the whole hog and slept with one. She was a witch. And Malachi's half demon. This probably isn't helping, is it?"

But Leon emerges anyway, because he wants to help Ella. "The fairy at the hospital poisoned her," says Thelma, and Leon looks as if he's almost about to laugh.

Ella makes some noises in the background, so Leon goes to her side. But he's got another shock waiting for him there: Ella is now looking like her 500-year-old self, or at least 80.

Ewww — Malachi and the Fairy have just had sex. She explains that she was one of the women who first tempted the angels to Earth. Well then.

But really: can't just one of these supernatural beings have an eye for the ladies, or for a particular lady ghost in particular?

Creepy — The ageing makeup isn't really working for me: Ella looks more like a muppet than a granny. And her shaky slow way of speaking just makes her sound tired, or insufficiently trained in the dramatic arts, and it makes me feel a bit stoned.

Ella says that as an "anointed one," she can pass into the realm of the dead and then be reborn. All they need to do is kill her. And then they can bring her back by "harnessing the power of lightning." No trouble!

Leon asks where they can find a lightning bolt. I immediately think of the lightning rod thingie, but Leon decides to try a crash cart instead. He asks Max to help him get access to a hospital room and equipment. Max says, "Listen, mate, you sure you know what you're doing? I'm not convinced this is a very good area for DIY." Max is okay: let's keep him and lose Roxanne and Jez. Please.

Or maybe we can't keep him — When Max gets home, Jez is waiting for him. Jez offers one of his weirdly toothy smiles. Okay, that actually is frightening, but just because it's weird.

The hotel — Thelma and Leon banter a little:

Leon: "Have you been watching me all the time? Doing stuff?"
Thelma: "Uh huh."
Leon: "Haven't seen me in the shower, have you?"
Thelma: "Ew, gross. I may be dead, but I'm not straight!"

Hee. But they turn around to see Ella at death's door.

Azazeal's lair — Max thinks he's been kidnapped by some dealers or something. But when they ask him about Leon and Ella, he begins to get scared — especially when the Fairy slugs him. Nice right hook! Or, well, whatever it was. I dunno much about fairy boxing.

Next thing you know, the Fab Fairy is holding a knife and Azazeal and Jez are talking about Mr. Pink and Mr. Blonde. I love that movie.

Azazeal: "You know what my favorite part of that movie is?"
Max: "I'm guessing it's when he cuts his ear off."
Azazeal: "Hmm?"
Max: "When he cuts his ear off?"
Azazeal: "No. Not that bit."
Jez: "I find it kind of unnecessary."
Azazeal: "I was thinking about the part where he says he doesn't care what information the guy has; he's gonna torture him anyway. That's gotta mess with your mind."

And then the Fab Fairy does the unnecessary thing.

Azazeal tells Max that "psychopathic humans are all well and good, but you're dealing with another level here." Just to demonstrate, the Fatal Fairy takes Max's finger off, of course without really lifting a finger herself.

Max finally (and who wouldn't?) tells what he knows of Leon's plan.

The hospital — By the time Thelma and Leon find the right room, Nurse Perie has already been there, zapping the crash cart in her creepy quiet way.

Merciful — Malachi sees earless fingerless Max bleeding on the floor and offers him a quick death. "If it's any consolation, there is an afterlife." Bye, Max.

The hospital — Thelma's ready: "Don't worry about it! I've watched so much ER, I'm practically qualified." Ella almost manages to roll her eyes under all that makeup.

Leon gives Ella's wrinkly lips a smooch and then smothers her with a pillow. And then, of course, when it's time to bring her back, the paddles don't charge. Nurse Perie shows up and says "It's such a shame, isn't it?"

Thelma grabs the lightning rod thingie (finally taking my advice) and hands it to Leon.

Leon: "What do I do with this?"
Thelma: "Hold it at either end and shut your eyes."

He zaps Ella, but nothing seems to happen. As they turn away from her wrinkled face, the monitor blips black to life and Ella steps out of bed. (Okay, apparently 'reborn' didn't mean starting over as a baby. It meant reborn right into those awkward teen years.)

Ella: [to Nurse Perie] "You're fairy dust, bitch."

They struggle, and the fairy's demise is pretty great: Ella levitates a handful of syringes right into her chest, and then uses one to somehow extract the little golden fairy in its bubble — and the little fairy immediately begins to buzz around the room.

Ella asks Thelma for a lighter, and then grabs an aerosol can of something. One well-timed fiery spray and fairy screech later, and there's fairy dust in the air and smiles all around.

The hotel — Leon wants to know what the realm of the dead was like, but Ella doesn't want to talk about it. He also wants to know about that time she tied him to the tree.

Ella: "You were a sacrifice for a demon."
Leon: "Whuh?"
Ella: "That was what you were gonna ask, wasn't it?"
Leon: "Um... I was gonna ask if you really wanted to sleep with me."

And then it gets gross and I'm glad to see the credits roll. Oh — but first there a shot of Malachi, smoking and brooding and staring up at Medenham, just like dear old dad.

NEXT WEEK ON HEX: Thelma wears some dodgy specs; Malachi dodges Ella's weapons.

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