Hex recap: Series 2, Episode 1 (18 September 2005)

THIS WEEK'S INCANTATION:

O Azazeal, egomaniac and thief,
Cease thy breeding at once!
For we who walk in daylight and friendship
Seek not your protection nor lethal care.
Far happier 'tis to us and sexier,
To behold Thelma's new garb and dalliance.

Previously — Remember series one? No? Maybe that's because it was so very brief. Well, if you need a refresher, try the AfterEllen series one recaps, or any of the various episode guides around the Web. Or just accept this: Cassie is a conflicted teenage witch; Thelma is a dead (and dead cute) teenage lesbian ghost; and Azazeal is the ancient leader of the Nephelim, who are out to wreck the world. Right. On we go.

Two disclaimers — (1) No one, not even the Sky One site, seems to know whether it's "Nephelim" or "Nephalim" (or Nefilim or Nephilim), so please set me right if you have some higher authority on the matter. Meanwhile, I'm just going to spell it Nephaelim, to cover most of the bases. (2) I'm not so interested in the sociopoliticohistoricalhoodoo hex-verse parts of the show: I'm all about the lesbo action. So don't turn to me for eschatological exegesis.

The theme song and titles — They rock. The NIN-like graphics rock. Shirley Manson rocks. And it's all so, so much better than the theme song of another show I could name, which starts with "L" and ends with "Word" and will henceforth ne'er be mentioned in these recaps.

A face — Oh, look at the tranquil, pretty girl: perhaps it's the one who was hanged from the tree in the last series. Esther? Hester? Esthero? Orestes? Oh, whatever; it's not the same girl anyway, so let's call her Telekinetic Tessa, or T.T. for short. We're in London in 1849, so everything's dim and spooky, and T.T. is levitating a vase or an urn of some sort. A man in a top hat skulks along in the gallery shadows, watching T.T. even more closely than the other entranced spectators. He has lamb chop sideburns and a rather penetrating yet flat gaze: yes, it's Azazeal. You know what gets me about this guy? He's creepy and oily and certainly the last person you'd invite to your party, but at the same time, he's not really very evil-seeming. The result is general twerpishness, and it makes me yawn.

Anyway, Azazeal looks at T.T., and then looks at the guy who's sitting next to T.T. — you know, sitting there to keep an eye on her, as if he owns her. Which he probably essentially does. Azazeal tips his hat to the pimp, and the pimp tips his hat back, and I tip over in my chair in disgust.

After the show or whatever it was, the pimp waits outside as the rabble shuffle home. Somebody, presumably Azazeal's lackey, slips the pimp some money. Next thing we know, Telekinetic Tessa has arranged herself on a musty bed, waiting for twerpy Azazeal to show. Oh, wait: he's already there, and he's already had his fun. He straightens his collar and gives T.T. a "sweet" kiss goodbye. Eww.

As Azazeal leaves, a cloaked woman steps out of the shadows. She doesn't look happy. She goes up to T.T.'s room; T.T. is dozing, but wakes up and is startled. The woman promptly places a gloved hand over T.T.'s mouth and then swiftly slits her telekinetic throat. But the cloaked woman still doesn't look happy — this is no spiteful murderess.

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