ER recap: A Shot in the Dark (Season Eleven, Episode Eight) (original air date 2 Dec 2004)

THIS WEEK'S PROGNOSES:

• Ray: Screwing up lives, one patient at a time.
• Wendall: Looking for love and tofu in all the wrong places.
• Lewis: Limited to one-liners.

Someone's shower — Oh, god, remember when Kerry took that shower? You know, the one at Kim's? And the breakfast and the awkwardness and Kim's giant water heater... sigh. I hate this show.

This time we're at Luka's house, and we're seeing Sam's rather lovely contours through the shower door, and we never got to see that much of Kerry or Kim — and certainly not Kerry and Kim.

Neela's checkbook — Neela's writing a check for her brother's tuition. Aren't families wonderful? Ray/Doogie shows up and asks her to work on Christmas so he doesn't have to, and offers to take Ramadan for her.

Neela: "I'm not Muslim. I'm Sikh."
Ray: "Great, well, I'll cover whenever you want to take a Sikh day."

Asshole.

Lockhart's laugh riot — Abby's usually funny, but I don't like her sense of humor much today: Dr. Lewis is telling Carter that something is unbelievable, so Abby walks into the conversation and says "What? Weaver's got a boyfriend?" I mean, har de har har. Hilarious. But perhaps this is Maura Tierney's way of reminding everyone that Weaver is still a character, still on the show, and still gay. Next week let's go with a shower scene instead.

Anyway, it turns out the unbelievable thing is that only 39% of the staff has had a flu shot. Yay, perhaps there will be lots of vomiting in a future episode, because they've never done that on this show.

The ambulance bay — A cop car squeals in, carrying a cop, Eddie, who has lost a lot of blood and is worried about his dog and the important papers in his filing cabinet. Fine, but has he had his flu shot?

The hallway — Oh, we don't have to wait for a future episode: the vomiting is here now, in the form of a kid with the flu. Lovely.

Office Eddie — Ray keeps screwing up so Lewis takes over. Eddie's fiancée shows up, already crying.

The pukey kid — Now the kid might have appendicitis. The mom starts giving Abby attitude 'cause she thinks the ER is not a good place for her kid to be. I don't like the way she's looking at Abby: she doesn't seem to realize how lucky she is even to be standing in the glow of Abby's presence. Grrrr.

Somewhere in there, Jing-Mei showed up, looking like hell. Why is she still on the show?

The board — Ray has now moved on from Christmas to New Year's Eve — this time he wants Abby to cover for him. He says this way she won't have to go to a square dance by herself. Hey, Doogie? Next time that kid pukes, try to make sure your head is in the way.

A woman walks by with a tiny pony. Huh.

Dr. Pratt finds Dr. Chen sleeping in the lounge. Just the kind of doctor I'd want helping me.

Another trauma — The guy who shot the cop shows up. Neela tries to do her job, but everyone in the world is against her and she makes sure we know it.

What happens when writers get desperate — Remember that tiny pony? It's a seeing-eye pony. Yes, really. I want one.

Officer Eddie — The son has shown up, as well as Officer Eddie's first wife, who immediately starts yelling at the fiancée. Like Eddie doesn't have enough trauma?

The cop killer — The guy dies; one of the other cops says it's good for the taxpayers because now they won't have to pay for the trial. This particular cop also has some sort of cut that everyone keeps asking about. I should be intrigued, right? Let's get back to the pony.

The pony and the sick kid — Yay, back to the pony, who's wearing cute little shoes. The pony and its owner are in the same room as the kid with maybe-appendicitis. The kid's grumpy mom shows up again and says her husband wants their daughter to be transferred to Mercy. Abby's kinda busy with the horse's owner, but these are some very hyper parents, so she talks to the dad, or, rather, listens to him scream over the phone. Wendall shows up to talk to the mom. The mom seems to think Wendall is ok.

The suture room — Neela finds a foreign body in the cranky cop's arm. He says something about the dead "scumbag" and I begin to hope the foreign body is the scumbag's tooth, or perhaps something really evil like a throbbing nest of spider eggs.

The sick kid — Carter can't find the kid's appendix with the ultrasound. More reason for the mom to think they're all incompetent. The mom leaves the room; the kid asks Abby why she can't make her own decisions about where she has surgery. Abby says that when you're a kid, your parents get to decide what's best, but she says it like she's saying "because life sucks and your mom is evil."

Officer Eddie — Ray smooth-talks the family. Dumbass.

Neela tells Dr. Lewis about the foreign body: it's a plastic BB. She wonders whether that's the same thing that got Officer Eddie. But no, he was hit by a 9mm, which of course is what cops carry. Ooooooooooh. And zzzzzzzzz.

Officer Eddie's son decides he needs to see the guy who supposedly shot his dad. Neela tells the kid his dad may have been shot by another cop. I'm trying to get interested, I swear.

The appendectomy kid — Dubenko insists on the surgery, even though the mom still wants the kid to be transferred to mercy. But it's a life-threatening kind of thing, so Dubenko says they'll "double doctor" it, because two physician signatures solve the lack-of-consent problem. Abby is nervous about it.

Dubenko: "No one gets in trouble for acting in the best interests of the patient."
Abby: "Tell that to Dr. Corday."

The mature minor — Ray is still blathering to Officer Eddie's son, who may be able to make decisions about his dad's treatment if they decide he's a "mature minor." Wendall is there again, looking pretty great — but not as great as she does when she's standing next to Abby.

The ex-wife can't understand how a 15-year old can be allowed to make decisions about surgery. I can't understand how a dumbass like Ray can be allowed to be on my TV.

Sam's son's school — Alex has been suspended because he took one of Luka's porno mags to school. The principal is not very impressed with Luka.

The street — Ray is buying hot chocolate or something. Officer Eddie's son shows up to chat. Hey kid, while you're at it, could you dump the hot chocolate in Ray's lap?

Pratt's screw-up — A guy comes back in — Pratt sent him home earlier because he seemed fine. Pratt tries to blame it all on Jing-Mei.

Random moments — Dr. Lewis says "I have to go pump before I explode."

Yuck — Carter asks Wendall if she wants to get some dinner. She has something more physical in mind.

A much better couple — Neela and Abby talk about how stupid Ray is. Neela takes over the Officer Eddie case.

The appendectomy — The parents are still pretty sure that County sucks. Turns out the dad's dad died there. The dad says "I hate this hospital" and about a thousand emotions cross Abby's face.

Officer Eddie's son — Neela isn't very good at the mediator thing. She just sort of listens and stares.

The drug lock-up — Chen pockets a few choice pharmaceuticals. Pratt sees her; she says the stuff is for her dad. Remember when Kim and Kerry had a fight in the drug lock-up? Sigh.

Rock climbing — It turns out this is the "physical" thing Wendall had in mind. She's training for a triathlon. Carter's got the harness thing on wrong — and you can interpret that any way you like.

Luka's place — Sam is not too happy about the porno mag thing. Luka wonders whether it's time to talk to Alex about masturbation. What? Parents are supposed to talk to their kids about that?

Dinner for two too many — Wendall decides she'd like to have dinner with Carter after all. Why? I mean, really, why? Wendall also wants tofu for dinner. See, I knew Abby was more her type.

Luka's house — Luka decides he can handle talking to Alex about "spanking the monkey." Alex already knows everything and is more interested in his comic book.

The street — Neela gives Ray a lecture for ditching his patient. Scream at him some more! And kick him! And... umm, I dunno, spit at him! And call him Doogie!

NEXT TIME ON ER: Jing-Mei quits (shock); some children have a special Christmas (yawn); Abby grins (yum).

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