ER rec(r)ap: The Show Must Go On (Season Eleven Finale, Episode Twenty-Two)
(original air date 19 May 2005)

THIS WEEK'S PROGNOSES:

• Ray: Inclined to holler.
• Neela: Prone to toss out perfectly timed one-liners.
• Abby: Likely to swiftly and quietly take charge.
• Carter: Gone.

The title of this episode is "The Show Must Go On." Must it? Must it, really? Why? WHY??!!

Grouchy-land — Luka has rented a ninja movie for Alex, but Sam says no because Alex has a math test in the morning. Sam also says Alex keeps talking about visiting his dad, and Luka says "You've got to tell him." Tell him what? Never mind, I've already stopped caring.

Carter arrives with pizza. It's for his farewell party; apparently he has to host his own. Sam says she can't stay because she couldn't get a sitter, and tells him to take care of himself. Tell the truth, Sam: you couldn't get a sitter because you paid the sitter cartel to be mysteriously unavailable, just to make sure you wouldn't have to pretend to care about Carter's departure.

Oh, wait, I heard that wrong: Carter is bringing food for a farewell "feast," but Sam was talking about something else.

Carter: "Party?"
Luka: "Shut up, it's a surprise."

The gang is not too excited about the pizza; it's cold. I know, who cares, right? But there's nothing else going on, so I thought I'd share.

Carter takes what might be his last patient: a girl named Janell, a "fall on an outstretched hand." She was playing volleyball; the school nurse describes her as "very energetic and very curious." Aw, just like Carter when he was a young med student. But not as annoying.

Ray tries to give Carter more to do, but Carter sends him to Neela and Abby, both of whom are wearing their "I'm-smarter-than-you-and-also-bored-with-you" faces.

The new residents — Wait, there's Jane (a.k.a. Sara Gilbert). I'm confused. Oh, that's right, she was just a student. I guess now she's matched at County.

Neela: "Jane, congratulations."
Jane: "Yeah, I was really counting on Bellevue."

Heh. Same thing.

One of the new residents tells Abby it's nice to see her again. She has no memory whatsoever of him, so he explains that he trailed her for a few days during his third year. Don't worry, dude: I've been trailing her for years, and I doubt she'd remember me either.

The new pups follow Pratt to their doom.

Neela: "Are we really about to become R2s?"
Abby: "No turning back now. My contract is signed and sealed on Lewis's desk."
Neela: "Mine too."
Ray: "Yeah, I got some things to think about."
Neela: "Like what?"
Ray: [gives her a look]
Abby: "Susan was just pushing you, Ray. Don't let it get to you."
Ray: "I dunno. Maybe she was right. Maybe it's time for me to make a change."

I coulda told you that months ago. Oh, wait: I did.

Elsewhere, a crazed patient beats up on one of the newbies. Haleh offers another of her random bits of wisdom: "Lucky for us, interns bounce."

A party — Ray is at a friend's party. Morris has invited himself along. My two least favorite characters in the same scene: I may explode.

Somewhere in there we learn that Morris's first name is Archie. Oh.

Our beloved Johnny boy — Carter is being all chummy and funny and warm and whatever. He's always been a golden boy; don't make it worse than it already is!

Jerry reports that the sewer pipes are still not fixed, so they have only one OR. I'm sure that won't matter; it's just a random fact, like the pizza.

A guy comes in wearing a cow suit. I start to roll my eyes, but this one line makes it all worthwhile:

Neela: "Good thing I'm not Hindu."

Oh, thank you, Neela, for what will undoubtedly be the only laugh of the night.

Another actor comes in, this time in a fireman getup, but nobody has anything funny to say about it.

Crossroads — At the party, one of Ray's friends shows off his new tattoo. Ray asks the guy whether he's had a Hep B shot lately, because the tat is really red around the edges. A cute chick is all impressed; she tells Ray it's really cool that he's a doctor. Ugh. They chat and flirt. Morris shows up, completely drunk. Ugh again.

Neela's secret hobby — Abby and Neela treat the actors. The actors bitch at each other and bore me. One of them is very concerned about scarring because he "uses his body a lot" in his work.

Neela: "You mean like in pornos?"
Fireman: "You've seen my work?"

Neela just stares, pretending to be clueless.

Luka calls Abby over to make sure she's got everything under control; he and the other proper docs are going over to Ike's for Carter's party. He says they're closed to trauma for another few hours anyway, until the pipes are fixed, so Abby is sure it will all be fine. Again, this is probably just another random scene that will not matter at all in the long run.

Sam's house — Alex is doing his homework with the TV on. Sam tells him he got a letter from his dad; the envelope says "Colo. Dept. of Corrections." Oh. So that's what she's supposed to tell him. But that's just the outer envelope; the inner one just says "ALEX," so she gives him that and hides the other one.

Sam tells Alex he can read the letter as soon as he finishes his homework, which is kinda mean. Alex starts to call her a bitch and then asks where Luka is.

Alex: "You still fighting?"
Sam: "No."

No? Oh. Nice that you resolved all of that off-screen. Alex doesn't believe her anyway; he says "We're gonna have to move again, aren't we?"

Two parties — Carter acts surprised at his farewell party. Since that's not interesting, we go back to Ray's party, where Morris is puking in a trash can.

Morris: "You know, I admire you, Ray. You're one of those guys who just glide over every speed bump; it all comes so easy."

I can't type out the rest of this male bonding moment; it is just too loathsome. Suddenly something more important happens anyway: the whole structure they're in falls apart. I dunno how to describe it; it's sort of just a lot of balconies or decks, like four, one on top of the other, and they all cascade down. Pretty cool lookin'. Ray and Morris are in the non-balcony part of it all, so they're okay, and the woman who was macking with Ray is sitting on the railing — until she falls too.

So this is Ray's epiphany moment? He's going to save some girl who thought it was cool that he's a doctor? Great.

Ray gets down to the bottom somehow; he says there are least 20 injured people, but it looks like a lot more. Ray's chick, Jess, is impaled on something. Ray's friend finds his pregnant wife and Ray hollers orders to everyone. Yeah, this is your moment, Ray, I guess. I might soon be heaving like Morris.

Self-mockery, or something — The director of the play (you know, the one with the cow and the fireman in it) shows up and wants his actors back. Why are all of these actors so stupid, as well as flamey? Who thought that would be funny?

Anyway, Abby says the actors aren't really able to help, but the director begs to differ:

Director: "They're professionals. You know — the show must go on."
Abby: "Yeah. Why is that exactly? I mean why can't the show just stop, once in a while?"

That's what I'm sayin'!

The director just stares at her like she's the cracked one.

The disaster — Morris has sobered up; he and Ray run around and look at all the wounds and tragedy.

Home sweet home — Alex reads the letter from his dad. Sam is sad.

Ray in charge — The ambulances arrive; they explain that they can't go to County because it's closed to trauma. Ray takes the radio, thinking he can convince them.

Chuny takes the call; she puts Abby on. Abby tries to stand firm, but Ray keeps begging and yelling. Chuny reminds Abby that she's being recorded. Finally Abby caves, just like those balconies or porches or whatever, and tells him to send 'em on over.

Abby takes control, telling everyone what to do, and somehow it's so much more commanding than when Ray does it. Neela looks as if she's never seen anything so beautiful.

The bye-bye party — Luka gives a toast; he tells them all to eat and drink well, because the party's on Weaver. Now why the hell isn't Weaver there? Carter used to live in her basement, and I think they kinda consider themselves friends. Oh, whatever.

Luka says that when a friend went on a journey, his father would say "We only part to meet again." And Luka actually gets teary-eyed, which surprises everyone.

Luka's beeper goes off, but he is nowhere near it. It's okay, I'm liking The Abby Show!

Jane, Neela, and several nurses help Ray's friend's wife. The woman says she's having some back pains; Neela says those are contractions. Yes, because every season finale must have both a disaster and a birth.

Chuny goes into the other trauma room to get something.

Abby: "Chuny, is everything okay?"
Chuny: "Baby's coming, mom's hypotensive, and we don't have fetal heart tones yet."
Abby: "Well, a simple 'no' would have sufficed."

Hee.

Abby wants to know where Kovac is. Nah, this is your show, Abs.

The new guys watch as Abby works her magic. One asks if she's "like, the senior resident"; she says "no, I'm like an intern. What you guys are gonna be in a few days." They know they'll never be her, in a few days or a few lifetimes.

Ray's still running around and yelling at people.

Neela's trying to bring the baby into the world, but she suddenly says "turtle sign" — shoulder dystocia. It kinda freaked me out to see that baby's head flop in that weird way. Neela tries the suprapubic pressure move, but it doesn't work, so she goes to the other room to ask Abby for help.

Abby: "Did you try a Wood's screw maneuver?"
Neela: "Never heard of it."
Abby: "That gives me a strange satisfaction."

Neela says they really should switch traumas, so they do. Abby wasn't doing very well with hers anyway; she tells the newbies that if they can't do a procedure after the third try, they're never gonna get it.

Newbie: "Is that from Tintanelli's book?"
Abby: "No, that's the book of John Carter."

And I'm happy to say we're in the very last chapter.

Abby tells the mom and dad that she used to be in OB, which is sort of a stretch, but anyway. The parents say they've named their kid Janis, so I suppose it's only appropriate that she get a rough start on life.

Abby does the Wood's screw thing and is calm and encouraging, but the mom is tiring out. Abby's not quite sure what to do, so she sends one of the newbies over to Ike's to get Luka. And she asks for betadine, lido, and a 10-blade. I'm renaming her from Abby Lockhart to Abby Rockstar.

Luka finally arrives, and tries to take care of the other patient, but I'm not entirely sure what's going on there. The newbie who went to get Luka gets all queasy and has to leave the room.

Haleh interrupts: "Do you know Abby's doing a symphysiotomy in here?"

Ouch.

Luka rushes over, looking unhappy, but Abby's still doing okay. And the anterior shoulder comes out, but the music is kinda tense, but then it's all okay and they have a baby Janis. Well done, Dr. Rockstar. Luka gives Abby a smile.

You can't go home again — Pratt is giving that kid a ride home — the son of his friend, who's volunteering at the hospital. The kid's dad is drunk and asleep on the front porch. I guess it's supposed to explain a lot, like why the kid is getting into trouble and why Pratt doesn't like to hang out with his old peeps. Pratt tries to do an intervention. Ok.

Are we done yet? — Ray's friend is flirting with Neela, despite the "crepitus." Now there's a great swear word.

A disaster, a birth, and a runaway — Sam gets a call from her credit card company; they want to know whether her card has been stolen. She's confused, and then realizes that indeed it has been stolen, by her son, who's nowhere to be found. Geez, your credit card company is that quick? Well, I guess I haven't had quite the same experience; I've just had those automated fraud prevention calls the morning after I've bought a CD online (because apparently that's suspicious if you're not buying from Amazon).

Ew — Carter is practicing his toast while he pees. Just try not to pee on your toast, okay?

He talks to himself in the mirror and says "I feel like I grew up here with all of you." Well, that's great for you; meanwhile, I feel like I've grown old.

He goes back out to find everybody gone, except for one guy. The guy doesn't even know Carter; he just heard there was free food. Heh. They watch a slide show; there are pictures of Mark Greene, Doug Ross, Carol Hathaway. Good times.

A little late — Morris shows up, ready to help, but Abby and Neela and Ray have handled it. And then Lewis and Carter show up.

Lewis: "Hey, you guys all ditched Carter. He was hugging some huge orderly when I got there."

Aww, I would have enjoyed that. Stop skipping the good stuff!

Carter goes back to tending that kid who was playing volleyball. Geez, she's been hanging around there all this time?

Sam rushes in, asking Luka whether he's seen Alex. I didn't know she was capable of looking that worried. Now I almost feel bad for not caring.

Another blast from the past — It turns out the volleyball girl's mom was a patient of Carter's in 1994. He doesn't remember, so the woman explains that she gave birth in the ER, prematurely — yep, Carter delivered the volleyball girl. Everybody grins, especially Janell. Especially the writer who came up with the obvious but still effective "full circle" thing.

Panic — Sam is freaking out about Alex, especially because Alex didn't take his glucometer or his insulin with him. Luka's there to help — maybe Sam will be glad, just this once, that Luka's not much of a talker.

Or maybe you can go home again — Pratt visits Charlie Pratt. Charlie is played by Danny Glover — I'm not quite sure why he couldn't have shown up earlier to redeem this episode a little. Dr. Pratt starts to explain who he is, but loses his nerve and goes away. Charlie says, "You all right, son?" and Pratt kind of winces. What are the chances we won't have to revisit this next season? None. Unless Danny Glover wises up and refuses to come back.

Charting — Abby wants to know whether she has spelled symphysiotomy right. How cute is that? Neela confirms that Abby's just as smart as I think she is.

Ray comes in; Neela tells him he looks tired and should go home, but he says he wants to be there when his friends wake up, so Abby hands him some charts.

These three are the new ER? I mean, two of them, sure, but Ray?

Carter finds them; he's there to say goodbye. He has something he just found in his locker — Dr. Greene made all the interns write a letter to themselves, to be opened on their very last day of residency. Carter summarizes the letter that he wrote to himself; it says stuff you might expect, about being scared and having a lot to learn and hoping he wouldn't kill anyone. Carter gets all teary and tries to encourage them, but his words are kinda hollow because the letter also says "If I can become an attending, it'll be all I ever need." Well, that and moving to Africa to be with Thandie Newton. But that's all.

Then, as Carter leaves, we get a bunch of voiceovers, of Greene and Benton and Hathaway. The last one is Mark saying "You set the tone, Carter."

I can only hope that the tone it is a-changin'.

One last chuckle — On his way out, Carter sees Morris, who's still sick. Carter says "You set the tone, Morris," but he's just doing it because he knows it will sound ridiculous and give him a chuckle.

Back inside, the true tone-setters write their own letters to themselves.

Neela: "Think it's weird if I put, 'Dear Neela'?"

Oh, another good laugh! Thank you again, Dr. Rasgotra, and please tell the writers to give you more chances to be funny next season.

That would have been a great way to end the show, but instead we see Sam and Luka frantically hunting for Alex. And we see Alex standing on the side of the road with his thumb out. Oh, gah. Tune in next season to see what happens when a kid gets into a pickup with a big scary dude.

More ER Recaps