ER rec(r)ap: Alone In A Crowd (Season Eleven, Episode Fifteen) (original air date 17 Feb 2005)

THIS WEEK'S PROGNOSES:

• Abby: Serious.
• Weaver: MIA. You know, because lesbian week was last week.
• The viewers: Trapped.

Ho hum -- Sam and Luka walk in the snow and talk about getting older and having kids. Ho hum.

Miranda -- I miss Sex and the City. The final episode was so brilliant. Anyway, here's Cynthia Nixon, dealing with noisy kids and general mom-ness, and then collapsing. Thud, ouch, face smacking against the furniture. Life is weird.

And then the horrible, ridiculous contrivance begins: we are supposed to feel like we're trapped in Cynthia Nixon's body, just like she is, because she's trying to talk but she can't, so it's supposed to be all traumatic and it's mostly just a lot of upward-looking cameras. Most people don't really like to be filmed in a way that makes their chins look bigger -- did they have to pay the actors more for this one?

I certainly hope Cynthia Nixon is getting something good out of this whole thing, because she's in makeup that makes her face look half smushed. Also, half of her lines are going to be grunts, and the other half (from inside her head, where we are, remember?) are going to be frantic overwrought screeches. I think right about now she's wishing they had just cast her as Weaver's new doppelganger-ish love interest.

Ray's place -- Neela gets dressed and leaves while Ray and his band rehearse. If they keep playing, I will have an actual stroke rather than a virtual one.

One of Ray's bandmates asks Neela whether she plays anything. She says "the viola." See, now that rocks!

Being Cynthia Nixon -- Cynthia, I mean Ellie, is beginning to get that nobody can understand her, and that her right side is paralyzed. It's too bad the shrieking voiceovers are kind of annoying, because the face-acting she's doing is pretty great.

Speaking of shrieking -- Carter and Wendall are jogging. Pardon me while I smack my face against the furniture.

That's two on one show -- There's Sara Gilbert. Hey, Cynthia and Sara -- two lesbians! Is this supposed to make up for Weaver's absence? Morris just mentioned that Weaver is on vacation. Yeah, she has to get some of that lesbian-ness out of her system, or at least off the TV.

Ellie, in her head, says she's healthy and only 35. Yikes. She tries to write something on a piece of paper; Luka shows her that it looks like squiggles. Nice squiggles, but just squiggles. He explains that she has had a stroke.

Geez, the shrieking... oh, that was me this time, because Abby and Jake are being all couple-ish. Abby tells him that she doesn't think they should be so together at work. Also, not on my TV. Ok?

Right on cue, Neela saunters up and asks Abby if her sofa is getting much action these days. Abby is confused. I'm not!

Neela says Ray's place is crowded and noisy. Abby says she didn't have to move out in such a hurry, but Neela says it wasn't much different at Abby's place anyway. Ha -- well done, Neela.

Observations -- The shrieking stops for a bit; we get this bit of inner dialogue instead:

Ellie: "[as Sam does something] She's smiling. Maybe that means it's not so bad. But she's the nurse. Maybe she doesn't know. [As Abby comes into view] She's a doctor. She's not smiling as much. Maybe she's just more serious. [turning to Luka] Now he is gorgeous."

Yeah, it sounds about as convincing when you say it as when Sara Gilbert does.

Ellie's neighbor (I think) brings Ellie's kids in. They look scared. Then Ellie starts coughing, so the kids go back out, and Luka gets Ellie ready for a ventilator. Geez. 35? Don't tell me that.

Ellie wakes up to find she can't open her eyes. Tuvok -- what? yeah, it's Tuvok -- is the neurologist, or else just a vacationing Vulcan. He says it's too late to do whatever procedure Abby wants to do, but that they might be able to do something called "the MERCI" that corkscrews the clot out. Ouch. All the while, Ellie is still shrieking in her head, asking God or anyone for help.

Abby and Sam start to chat about Luka, and then Sam notices that Ellie is crying. Abby concludes that the sedative wore off before the paralytic, so Ellie is conscious but paralyzed. Yeah, that's even worse than going jogging with Carter. Or very, very close.

The race for chief -- Slim pickins this year. Morris? Nah, he's a loser. Lewis rattles off some other names we've never heard. Luka suggests Pratt. They're really trying to get me to stop watching this show.

More shrieking -- I'm starting to feel bad for Cynthia Nixon. This is like Look Who's Talking, but not in a good way -- if there is a good way.

They give her some Fentanyl, and she gets pretty damn happy, trapped in her head or not.

Stalkerenko -- Dubenko shows up out of nowhere to tell Abby about a publishing opportunity, and insists that she meet him in his office at 7:00. Okay, I guess Jake is not the worst option after all.

A storyline I forgot to recap -- There are some cute kids. One of them fell off the kitchen counter; he was trying to get a bowl 'cause he was hungry. Their dad eventually shows up, but he's drunk. I'll take the fent and the stroke over this, any day.

A true caregiver -- Sam chats with Ellie -- well, not with her, but she watches Ellie's reactions and talks to her about her kids. It's nice. Ellie watches Sam change an old woman's diaper, and I give Cynthia Nixon some props for saying so much with half a facial expression.

I did not know we had a racist working here -- That was a Monty Python reference. Anyway, Morris is sure that a guy who got hit with a tear gas canister does not really deserve pain meds and is just drug seeking. Hmm, couldn't have anything to do with the fact that the guy is black, could it? Ray (of all people) isn't so sure.

Stop the music -- Ellie sings "I Think I Love You" in her head as Luka examines her. Where's Keith Partridge when you need him? And how is Cynthia managing to be funny in this situation?

Ellie's heart rate starts to soar. I don't follow the medical stuff too well because of all the inner shrieking.

Ellie's husband shows up. Luka explains that Ellie's heart may have been the problem all along -- it threw a clot to her brain, causing the stroke.

I dunno; the husband isn't too cute. No wonder she was getting all fluttery over Luka. Speaking of which, Luka tries to explain the clot corkscrew thing to the husband. The husband is unsure, so we get more inner shrieking, but this time it kinda fits. Imagine hearing people decide what's going to be done to you, and not being able to tell them that you've already made that decision yourself, thanks very much. The husband finally gets some sort of psychic message or something, and runs to Ellie's side, and then consents to the procedure.

Tuvok to the rescue -- Sam and Abby take Ellie up for the procedure. She doesn't want them to leave. The new nurse/whoever explains that she'll be shaving part of Ellie's pubic hair. Cue Margaret Cho: "Hi, my name is Gwen, and I'm here to waaaaaash..."

The mad scientist's lab -- Dubenko doesn't just want to talk to Abby about publishing a paper -- he wants to take her to dinner. Psycho.

Truly sick people -- Wendall and Carter read each other's minds. Wendall says "I think I love you." It was better when Cynthia Nixon was singing it in her head.

Stepping up, or not -- Pratt hollers at Morris for being such a racist jerk. Lewis hears the whole thing and tells Pratt to think about applying for chief resident. He's not interested. Huh.

Icky-enko -- Dubenko is just sort of strong-arming his way into a date with Abby. He says he detects a bit of Minnesota in her accent, and she acknowledges that she grew up in St. Paul. Abby may be a lot of things, but Minnesotan? No. Anyway, Dubenko starts talking about foreign films.

Hollow and lonely -- Ellie can feel the catheter thing in her brain, or at least she says she can; she says it feels hollow and lonely. As they locate the clot, she starts to feel tired of talking to herself, and starts to let go. The camera goes toward the light.

Ewwwwwww -- Wendall and Carter in bed. Now I feel hollow and lonely.

Jumbo mart -- Turns out the drunk guy with the kids was not really a dad. He explains to Ray and Neela that the oldest kid paid him to pretend to be their dad. Huh. Didn't see that coming. Still don't care.

Not dead yet -- Yes, that was another Monty Python reference. Ellie is remembering things... lakes and smells and happiness and love.

Smarter than I thought -- Carter answers the phone while he's in bed with Wendall. It's Kem. He kind of turns away from Wendall, so she gets out of the bed, puts on her pants and leaves. There's a big sidewalk scene in which Carter admits that he can't say he loves her. Walk away, Wendall, just walk away. She does!

The corkscrew -- Tuvok fixes Ellie's brain. But Ellie is still asleep.

The rough neighborhood -- Neela and Ray find the kids who came in earlier, as well as their dead mother. What the hell is this little subplot doing in this episode?

A bar -- Morris tries to suck up to the med students, who mostly order beer -- except for Jane, who likes vodka, neat. Right on, Jane. Abby shows up, free of Dubenko at last. It would have been nice to actually see her dump him. Pratt is supposed to be there, but he's at home with a beer and a basketball game.

Amazing -- Ellie's gonna be ok. What a nice face she has, when the whole thing is working like a face should. She moves her right hand, and then thinks, whoa. And then she speaks, loud and clear: "thank you."

Well, I guess it turned out okay, and was at least different, but the shrieking! Gah.

NEXT WEEK ON ER: Remember Gallant? Yeah, he's still a soldier, and Neela's going to be out there on the battlefield with him, and I might have to skip the whole thing. I have my limits.

More ER Recaps