ER rec(r)ap: Only Connect (Season Eleven, Episode Eleven)(original air date 20 Jan 2005)

THIS WEEK'S PROGNOSES:

• Abby and Neela: Disconnected.
• Luka: Tuned in to everyone's feelings. Except his own.
• Lewis: Kicking slimy lawyer bottom-feeder butt.

My fantasy -- I love it when the episode starts with Abby. Especially when she's wearing black, or she's in bed. Hey, jackpot for me -- I get all three!

But I shouldn't be so gleeful. Abby's just kind of staring up at the ceiling (cue Concrete Blonde), looking like she hasn't slept. After that contrived gang abduction last week, who can blame her? She glances at the books on her nightstand: E.M. Forster's Howard's End, which is a nod to the title of this episode, and Rats, Lice, and History, which is that stupid book Dubenko gave her. Her alarm goes off, to the tune of Renee Montagne on NPR's Morning Edition. Hey, Dr. Foxyheart, that's what I wake up to too -- we're so perfect for each other.

The El -- Luka and Sam are squabbling. I'm glad the other people on the train are finding it watchable, 'cause I'm not.

Chez Abby -- Neela is doing dishes and looking like a zombie. Abby stumbles out of her room looking like a zombie. Wow, maybe these two are the ones who are perfect for each other.

Abby lights a cigarette (my streak of luck continues). Neela asks whether she wants to eat something before she smokes. Clearly Neela has never been a smoker, and has never really looked at smokin' Abby, or she would not have asked that question.

Neela continues to try to take care of Abby, offering breakfast and sympathy. Abby's not easy to take care of.

Abby: "Were you vacuuming last night?"
Neela: "I'm sorry... did I keep you up?"
Abby: "No, I just... No, that was very nice of you."

I would like to say this is sexual tension, but it's really just crappy ol' ordinary tension. It gets worse when Neela starts asking Abby if she's sure she's ready to go back to work, and Abby says what she really needs is space, and Neela takes that as a sign that she'd better start looking for her own place, and we all end up looking sad.

The ER -- Oh, Neela's already moved on -- she's hanging out with Sara Gilbert. The attendings are having a meeting and it's making Neela and Sara and the other residents nervous. What the attendings (and Dr. Weaver) are really doing is yawning, and talking about how to get the residents to connect and communicate with the patients, and maybe each other. Okay, but can I vote on who gets to make these connections, please?

Also, Weaver has decided to paint the lounge lime green. I like it, but Lewis doesn't.

Later, Carter and Wendall plan a date. See, this is exactly the reason they need me to monitor the connections.

Outside -- Lewis slips on the ice. It's a rather nasty fall, so of course a slimy slip-and-fall lawyer is there to convince her to sue the hospital. Wow, this guy is actually hanging out near ice patches? Gives new meaning to the whole "ambulance chaser" thing. Lewis tells him to get the hell away from the ambulance bay.

Connection patrol -- Luka walks around and watches the residents work, or try to work without paying any attention to the patients. Inside an exam room, Neela cares for Amy, a girl whose foster brother thwapped her on the head with a lamp. While Zombie Neela handles the lidocaine injection, Sam tries to inject a little humanity into the situation.

Luka tells Pratt that the patients need to feel like they've really been cared for. Neela listens and feels guilty, and heads back to her patient -- but not before bumping into a weird bit of dialogue:

Jane (Sara Gilbert): "Wow, I find it really distracting working with somebody so good-looking."
Neela: "Who? Dr. Kovac?"
Jane: "Oh, c'mon, don't pretend he's not hot."
Neela: "I don't know, you just get used to it."
Jane: "Yeah, but I mean, he's gorgeous."

I dunno, Sara; generally I think you're a pretty good actor, but the more you talk about gorgeous men, the gayer you seem.

A guy comes in, almost dead; Neela's going to get to practice something on him. Ick.

Bottom Feeder, Esq. -- That slimy lawyer, whose name is Herb Spivak because that sounds slimy, is outside with his "mobile law office," using a loudspeaker to ask passersby if they've been "screwed up" by a doctor. I think you're going to find out what it's like to be screwed up by a doctor, Mr. Spivak.

Back inside -- Speaking of screwy doctors, Ray asks Neela if she's interested in being his roommate. Neela looks a bit nauseated -- or maybe that was me.

Meanwhile, Amy's mom has arrived, and is freaking out because Neela called the social worker. What are they trying to do to Neela? If they needed to give her character some layers, they could have handed her a soccer ball and asked Keira Knightley to guest-star.

An actual patient -- Ray messes up the intubation. No one -- not even the guy on the gurney -- is surprised.

Neela's De-zombification The foster kid makes Neela realize that she needs to notice more than wounds and sutures. So Neela tries to get Sam to get Wendall to ignore the whole situation, but Sam doesn't get it.

Pratt the prat -- Pratt yells at the residents; Lewis yells at Pratt; I yell at my TV.

Luka and Neela the wonder twins -- Apparently Neela's opinion wasn't enough, but now that Luka is on the case, Wendall is willing to consider letting Amy stay with her foster family. See how useful gorgeous men can be?

The return -- Abby kind of sneaks in, but everybody notices and descends on her. Poor Abby.

The nausea -- Neela and Ray decide to room together. Poor recapper.

Neela: "God, I'm gonna regret this."

You said it, sister.

Movin' on up -- Marla Gibbs (of The Jeffersons) wants to see her grandson. Neela is zombie-rific again, and then accidentally blurts out that the kid is dead. It's not pretty.

Dr. Lewis knows all -- Susan tells Luka that you can't teach people skills. I mean, you can't teach people people skills. Or, you can't teach people skills to people. Whatever. Meanwhile, Abby has thrown herself into her work, and Susan sees right through that too (and probably enjoys Abby's sarcasm as much as I do).

One thing goes right -- Amy gets to stay with her foster family. Hooray! And now Neela gets to listen to Luka tell her how to give someone the news that a loved one has died.

Neela: "I suck."

Aww. We all have those days. But actually, if you move in with Ray, you'll get no more sympathy from me.

None more black -- Look, Abby is wearing a black turtleneck and black pants under her white lab coat. And kind of stompy shoes. Excuse me, I've just fallen off the couch.

A black guy near the admit desk starts screaming, and Abby almost loses it. She covers well as Dubenko rattles on, and then she sees a girl with a black eye. The music gets all creepy as Abby insists she's fine and follows Jane back to her patient. But she's so, so not fine: as she starts to suture a woman's eyebrow lac, she very nearly pokes the woman's eye out. She excuses herself and leaves, offering hurried explanations to Dr. Lewis on the way out.

Abby rushes to catch her train, but drops some papers Dubenko gave her. A guy stops to help her pick them up. I think we're supposed to think he's cute.

Oops -- Apparently the foster kid's situation is not totally resolved. Why does this show torment its viewers so?

Mt. St. Abby -- Oh, wait, that guy that was helping Abby pick up papers is ... what, a med student? I don't know, but they know each other. Oh, I see, he used to have a beard. And he's still hitting on Abby, and talking to her about volcanoes. It all gets very metaphorical as Abby smiles in her amused way and continues to wait for her train.

Trying to connect -- Neela tries to explain things she takes Marla Gibbs to see her grandson's body. Turns out Neela and Pratt have confused two black kids, so while Pratt is showing some parents a kid who is not their son, Neela is showing Marla her not-grandson. Yow.

The El platform -- Abby's phone rings; Haleh is freaking out about a patient. Sorry, Abby, you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.

A failure to communicate -- Weaver takes the opportunity to do her weird whining-screaming thing as everyone tries to figure out how the two John Does got mixed up. It turns out Jane was in the room for both of them, and put some sort of "name alert" on the board.

Lewis: "Jane, why didn't you say anything?"
Jane: "No one listens to me. No one even remembers I was in the room."

Weaver gives her a quizzical look that says "I seem to recognize something in you. It's almost as if we are family in some way."

Okay, who is this guy? -- That guy, the one who used to have the beard, is smiling at Abby way too much. Meanwhile, Lewis chases the slimy lawyer down the hall. I told you, Spivak.

Not so gorgeous -- Neela confronts Wendall about Amy, the foster kid. Wendall says Luka signed off, based on a pattern of incidents, so that was good enough. Whatever.

Poetic justice -- Spivak's mobile office was being towed, and he got in the way -- so now he needs a doctor. Too bad Lewis is there with a sheaf of papers for him to sign. Nicely done, Susan.

Connecting -- Neela and Abby are apologizing. And peeping and peering and talking around locker doors and walls, which is cute.

Neela: "I found a place... with Ray, actually. So I'll be leaving at the end of the week."
Abby: "Well, take your time. There's no rush. And by the way, are you nuts?"
Neela: "Yes. Yes, I am."

It took me a while to get that right, because in the middle of it Abby was taking off her lab coat to show me her nice black ensemble.

And then it gets really interesting, as Neela and Abby walk out to the ambulance bay and Neela asks Abby if she ever gets crushes on people she works with. I know, I know, that's not what she means, but I can dream. And as they're talking, Luka and Sam walk up and everybody stares:

Luka: "What?"
Abby: "What?"
Neela: "What?"
Abby: "Are you leaving for the night?"
Luka: "Yeah. Goodnight, guys."
Abby: "Night."
Sam: "Night."
Neela: "Night."
Neela (to Abby): "See you at home."
Abby: "Okay."

Huh? I mean, ha!

NEXT WEEK ON ER: A gun. Carter's face. I don't think I need to say more.

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