ER recap: Skin (Season Eleven, Episode Ten)(original air date 13 Jan 2005)

THIS WEEK'S PROGNOSES:

• Abby: Smokin'. In more ways than one.
• Lewis: Whiny, mopy, pouty, and mean.
• Ray: Uncomfortable and discomforting.

The staff lounge — There's Doctor Lewis. How many episodes has she been in this season? .75, I think. Anyway, she's on the phone, and now she's hanging up.

Luka:"Weaver?"
Lewis: "Yep. Otherwise know as the four-letter word beginning with a C."
Luka: "Crab?"

What the hell? I can't even talk about that.

So, because she's apparently in a bitchy mood, Susan starts hollering at everyone and using words like "finagled." And then she starts scolding Abby, which is not ok. Actually, it's great -- because it gives Abby a chance to snap right back at her, and then go outside and have a smoke. Abby having a smoke... is there anyway I can get a tattoo of that?

My pleasure is short-lived as usual. A black SUV pulls up, and somebody gets out of it and pulls Abby in. Yes, it's just another night at the ER--otherwise known as a four-letter word beginning with C. And by that I mean "crap."

I'm sure you saw this coming, but the driver of the SUV has a gun and no intention of letting Abby out. And in the back of the car is a guy with a nasty gunshot wound. It's so tense; why am I yawning?

Back at the ER-- Ray is doing his usual schtick, which consists of sauntering around, condescending to med students, and offending women. This time one of the patients decides she'd prefer a different doctor. Wouldn't we all? I'd recommend the short saucy one with the smoky voice, but she's otherwise occupied.

Back in the SUV-- Abby tries to tend to the wounded gang member. He needs surgery, so Abby starts taking off her clothes. No, she just takes off her lab coat, but I can dream.

The driver pulls up to a drugstore so he can get Abby some supplies. Yeah, you just need to get the right gear. This is sort of like Pimp My Ride, but with blood and lab coats.

InconsistentCharacterLand-- Neela has apparently forgotten how to be nice to people. This makes no sense--she's always been a sensitive sort. She and Abby are the docs with the big hearts. Did somebody forget to tell the new writers that?

Meanwhile, Lewis wants to know where Abby's gone. She text-messages her, so we go back to the SUV where Abby is having a profound conversation with the littlest gang member, about cell phones and about C.J., the dying guy.

Abby tries to convince the kid that C.J. needs to go to the hospital. But the driver of the SUV has other plans, so Abby starts to push C.J.'s intestines back in and get the bleeding under control.

Just when it seems like it couldn't get worse, the SUV rolls over a cat. It's not quite dead, so the driver dude gets out and shoots it. Abby's beeper beeps again, so the littlest gang member throws it out of the car. Okay, somebody also forgot to tell the writers that you shouldn't use all your tricks in the first 15 minutes. "Tricks," in this case, is really a four-letter word beginning with C. Yes, I'm still talking about "crap."

They pull into an alley so Abby can give C.J. some codeine and then do...whatever you do when you're trying to save a gang member's life in an alley. There's a tense moment where the driver and Abby both notice a gun in the back of the car. When I say "tense," I mean it in the sense of "soporific."

Too many doctors in one room-- Everybody's dealing with another GSW. I mean, practically everyone is in the room--what about the other patients? Are they all out getting treated in their SUVs?

Elsewhere, a widower can sense the presence of his dead wife. Sam listens, looking like she's thinking about what's for dinner.

Doctors without borders-- Abby tries to sew C.J. up, but she's using an ordinary needle and thread. Ouch.

Cultural sensitivity central-- Ray continues to make an ass of himself, this time by using words like "dude" and "homey" while talking to a black patient, and then by abandoning the situation entirely.

Neela's moping around. Abby must be making her sleep on the couch again.

Elsewhere, the woman who didn't want to be Ray's patient reveals that she's a pre-op transsexual. Ray is confused, because the pregnancy test came back positive. Try to keep up, Ray.

More tense moments-- As the SUV stops for fast food, Abby tries to snag the gun, but C.J. stops her. It was supposed to be really dramatic, but again I feel sleepy.

Neela finds her heart-- Neela asks Carter if he thinks they should be worried about Abby. Carter's more interested in Wendall than in whatever Neela has to say. Poor John: he wishes he could sleep on Abby's couch.

Actual tension-- Abby says she has to go to the bathroom. So the driver pulls off the road to a dark woodsy area and shines a flashlight on her while she pees. That actually spooked me a little. But the lighting makes me think of the Blair Witch Project, which is not the sort of spooky they're going for.

Now that the guy has humiliated Abby, he figures he might as well taunt her: "Scared of big black men, huh?" Abby says no; she's scared of big black guns.

Things get a little better when the guy takes out a pack of cigarettes and lets Abby have one. Can we just sit and watch that for a while?

A five-letter word that stars with "w"-- Dr. Lewis is still whining at everyone. Did they forget how to write her character too?

In the ER as well as out in the SUV, we get to the part of the show where people start to die and the music gets all thumpy.

CPR class-- Abby needs help, but both the big gang member and the little one are scared of the little white girl. Finally the kid pitches in.

A head case-- Neela's helping Luka do something to a guy's brain. Wendall interrupts and says that the widower (the one who could feel his dead wife's presence) wants to talk to Neela, because his wife was Neela's patient. Neela pretended to be clueless when she initally met the guy. Ah, so now we know why she's being so cold: having a big heart can be a bad thing sometmes. It's okay, Neela. Let the grief flow, and go home and sleep. Not on the couch this time.

Elsewhere, Ray tries to sensitively tell the pre-op transsexual that she has testicular cancer. Oh, the irony! The patient takes the opportunity to tell Ray that he doesn't seem comfortable in his own skin. True, but I was happy to let him swagger around--if you give him an epiphany he'll suddenly start being a real character, and that takes precious screen time away from my precious Abby.

Uh-oh-- In the SUV, C.J. dies. Abby cries and looks worried that she'll be next. What? You can't kill Abby--I'd have to stop watching this show. Hmmm. On second thought...

Acting lessons-- Here I thought Neela was trying to hide her grief, but she actually doesn't remember the guy's dead wife. Luka tells her she can comfort him anyway, if she tries, and so she does. Good: in this case, an epiphany is a perfectly fine sort of character development.

Dr. Lewis, on the other hand, is still stuck in whinyville. Carter calls her on it. Yeah, he's a bit of an expert on the subject.

The SUV -- Abby begs for her life and says she just wants to go home. She doesn't plan to sleep on the couch either.

The staff lounge-- Kerry! Nice of you to drop by 3 seconds before the episode ends. She's looking rather foxy in her pinstriped suit. She tries to give Dr. Lewis some advice -- she tells her to get used to not being liked, and to expect to lose some friends. Well, that was cheery.

And speaking of cheery, Susan leaves a message on Abby's machine. But the smokin' Dr. Lockhart is still in the SUV. The driver tells her to get out, and she thinks she's about to meet her doom--but he's taken her back to the hospital, because sometimes even guys with big black guns know when to quit.

Abby walks back to the ER, shivering. They'd better give her a raise, or at least a nice hot bath. I totally meant that in an innocent way, but now I have a mental image of a lab coat tossed over a chair, and lots of bubbles and bathtub toys. Abby, you can rub my ducky anytime.

NEXT WEEK ON ER: Who can make any sense of these previews? Kerry's wearing her glasses, and I think Marla Gibbs is going to guest star. That's all I got.

More ER Recaps