America's Next Top Model : Cycle 7 Recaps:
Episode 7 “The Girl Who Wrecks the Car" (page 2)
by D. Yueh
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Nobody Likes the Fat Girl - “There's two sides to Anchal and one is sexy and confident, and one is like, timid and shy,” says Melrose in a rare moment of compassion. “I just wish she would go home.” Moment over. Actually, I was thinking there are many sides to Anchal, and they're all round and doughy and undulate for a good minute when you poke them.
Anchal has mutual feelings of admiration for Melrose. “She does bitchy little things and it makes me want to slap the ho,” she says bravely because Melrose is out of earshot. When did Anchal start talking like Monique?
Tyra Mail - CariDee reads, “Are you going to snap when the pressure is on? Luurve Tyra.” I miss Brooke, because right about now, she'd say, “Are we going to take each others' blood pressure?” or “Are we going to have a rubber band fight?” or “Are we going to eat Liv-a-Snaps?”
The Odd Couple - Out in the middle of the California desert, the girls pull into a gated property where they meet the L.A.'s hottest new couple, NASCAR driver Stanton Barrett and way-out-there fashionista James St. James, who's dressed in a black turban and a gothic Gloria Swanson get-up. What? Ohh, I get it. Barrett and St. James are there only because Brett Favre and Boy George were unavailable to host this challenge.
Today, the girls will take the action modeling concept to Phase II, by “arguing with your boyfriend over whose career is more important,” explains James, “and Stanton Barrett is going to be your boyfriend.” Seriously, what are the writers smoking?
Can this even be explained in a way that makes sense? The girls have to jump and leap onto Barrett in some way to convey anger while also holding a shutter remote control so they can snap their own photos mid-air using an unmanned camera. Let's see. In the last episode, Tyra acted as the girls' photographer. Now there's no photographer at all. Word spreads fast in the photography community.
Dog Pile on the Car Guy - Eugena goes balls out Air Jordan with her leaps. Jaeda looks like she really wants to smash Barrett's face in, but instead, ends up grabbing her boobs in pain after crashing against him. Amanda attempts the classic Karate Kid crane move but it only makes her look like a pterodactyl. CariDee uses the checkered flag as a prop and almost impales the poor guy.
Anchal's wearing a lavender dress that can barely contain her boobs. I'll freely admit that ordinarily, I'm captivated by the sight of cleavage. But Anchal is so annoying with her pouting crap and dejected self-pity, even her breasts can't make me care. That's how bad it is.
St. James instructs Anchal to use her anger but she has none. She's feeling too sorry for herself to summon that simple emotion, and too generally clueless to play-act it. Now, if he had told her to use her feelings of worthlessness, then, boy, we'd see something special. Instead, she says witheringly, “I'm so nervous. Oh man, I don't want to do this.”
Even NASCAR dude, who can't possibly relate to any of this malarkey says, “It's your career. How bad do you want this?”
Meanwhile, Michelle is stoked to pounce on the guy. She gets so inspired, she climbs up on his gazillion dollar race car and stands on the hood in her pointy high heels. Barrett looks on in horror as she puts little heel dents all over it. Now it's he wants to pounce on her.
Because she used a little creativity, Michelle is named the winner of this idiotic exercise – a first for her. Her reward is to pick three others to go on a $10,000 shopping spree. She picks her sister, natch, CariDee and Melrose. Cankle, Jaeda and Eugena stare in disbelief she picked Melrose.
CariDee is happy to be invited on the shopping spree, but she's even more ecstatic the challenge winner wasn't Eugena or Melrose, for once. Of course, AnchalDowner feels crappy about all of it. No one ever chooses her to go anywhere. And she really has no idea why.
Attention Shoppers - The spree store is one of those high-end boutiques where each rack holds only four hangers and nothing costs under $500, not even the tank tops. Even though the reward is for Michelle and her Chosen Ones, Cankle, Jaeda and Eugena are forced to tag along and watch from the sidelines. Stanton Barrett, who's inexplicably still wearing his racing outfit, is also there for no reason whatsoever. Who hasn't been dragged to the mall by their girlfriend? We know firsthand, the endless torture of having to watch someone else shop.
This reward has a twist – the girls have 30 seconds to put on as many articles of clothing as possible. Barrett tells the girls with his I'm-reading-a-teleprompter delivery, “The person with the most clothes wins everybody's clothes.” Michelle immediately feels her reward slipping away and cries, “What?” Cocky as all get out, Melrose grins, “Okay! Cool!”
Barrett waves a big green racing flag and the girls tear into the showroom, grabbing anything within reach. Is there no other way to create energy except to make them race around manically every time they have to do something? In upcoming episodes, we're going to see challenges involving speed peeing, a race for the television remote and who can have the shortest periods.
Jaeda could not look more annoyed if Tyra ran up to her with hair clippers. “Why are we here?” she wants to know, “couldn't we sit in the limo?”
After 30 seconds, Barrett waves his checkered flag as the girls runs over the finish line. The store owner counts up the booty. Michelle has 11, CariDee has seven, Amanda nabbed ten and Melrose ended up with lucky 13. They all have to hand over their clothes to Melrose. It kills them she keeps winning, but it's not her fault she “gets it.”
Michelle says about her challenge prize, “ I get nothing, unless Melrose gives me something. So, that kind of sucks.” Yeah, well fat chance of that. If only Melrose could be just a little more gracious…. what am I saying?
Melrose laughs, “I feel like every girl is wanting to kill me right now.” So, that makes it what, Tuesday?
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