America's Next Top Model : Cycle 7 Recaps:
Episode 5 “The Girl Who Got Punk’d"
by D. Yueh
House of Blues — It’s a warm and quiet evening at Casa de Tyra. In the backyard, Amanda and Michelle sit under a tree eating popcorn, listening to CariDee as she softly strums her guitar and sings, “I want to run freee…” It’s nice, but let’s just say Paula Cole has nothing to worry about. Jaeda sits nearby, too, but she has too much on her mind to do the harmonies. How is she going to raise her ratings with the judges? Why did she brag so hard that her hair grows fast, and who cares if you cut it all off? How much longer will strangers be calling her “bro?”
Jaeda knows she’s been on the endangered species list for the last couple of weeks. She says sadly: “Standing at the bottom two, it’s kinda like depressing in a way. I was just like wow, ya know, I suck.” Like, yeah. Like being so close to getting axed two weeks in a row is like a bummer.
A.J. is sad too, but not for the same reasons. She’s missing her rock star friend and smoking buddy, Megg. She says, “Losing her was like losing this huge spirit.” Did Megg die or something? Did her new two-person band go down in a plane crash after their recent gig at Hot Diggity’s Fun Time Pier in Ocean City, N.J.?
The Queen of Empathy, Melrose mocks them all with fake sobbing: “Ohhhhhh! I cried like that when I thought I was going home, but I’m not crying like that for anyone else,” she says with a scornful laugh. Where are her flying monkeys? I guess they have the night off. I’m sad too; I like flying monkeys.
Which One Are You Again? — The girls are finally able to tell twins Amanda and Michelle apart, but only when they open their mouths to speak. Remember last week when I said where the heck is Amanda? Well, Amanda seems to be fading into the woodwork, while Michelle gets bolder with each passing week. Jaeda doesn’t want anyone to feel bad (except herself), so she assures Amanda she likes her just swell by pounding on her bed and yelling, “I hate Amanda!” A keen observer of the human condition, the Eugenius assures us that twins are, in fact, two different people.
Amanda thinks it sucks that people are constantly comparing twins with each other. I don’t compare twins so much as I’m looking for something, anything that will help me tell them apart. If you’d stop dressing alike and getting the same haircut that would be great, thanks. And by the way, to all you twins out there, you can’t have it both ways. You can’t have your own secret made-up language, play tricks on people by pretending to be the other one, and sell yourselves as novelty sex partners if you want people to treat you as individuals. At least your parents had the good sense to give you names that don’t rhyme.
Yes, I Am … I Think — That said, Michelle is feeling pretty comfortable in her individuality these days, whatever that may be. She says, “I don’t know who I am, I’m still finding myself. I’m finally able to admit I have no idea.” I’m old enough to be your um, much, much older half-sister from a previous marriage and hell, I don’t know who I am yet, either. Don’t feel bad, little filly.
Sitting on the floor at Jaeda’s bedside, Michelle tells Jaeda she’s never been one to reveal who she likes. Jaeda innocently asks if she’s ever had a boyfriend. Michelle says, “No, not really … I think I might be gay.” D’oh. Michelle drops the L-bomb! Well, sort of. Maybe it was more like a grenade.
It’s enough to make Eugena’s eyes almost pop out of her head — you can see the whites of them from the driveway. Brooke freezes mid-yogurt. Her peepers have doubled in size too, and she covers her gaping mouth with her hand while still holding her plastic spoon.
Eugenius says, “I didn’t know if Michelle actually came out of the closet, but I think she’s straddling the fence.”
Melrose says to Michelle, like she cares, “You look like you’re a little more comfortable in yourself.”
Michelle says casually, “Before, I was kinda like scared of it, but now it’s like, whatever.” That’s exactly how I felt about Melanie Griffith’s new lips when I first saw them.
“Wow, Twin!” is all Amanda can say as she runs down the stairs. She called Michelle “Twin.” Cute. Does anyone else feel like Amanda’s fleeing the scene?
Michelle chases after her and replies, “Yeah, that came out kind of randomly.”
Amanda is definitely more than a little freaked out. She immediately calls their mom. They both cram into the phone booth, and as Amanda dials home, Michelle tries to put the pin back in her L-grenade. “But I didn’t say I was gay,” Michelle insists. “I said I don’t know if I’m gay, cuz I don’t know.”
Amanda doesn’t want to talk about it, which is just as well, because they don’t get through to their mom for some reason.
Junk Mail — A.J. reads the latest Tyra Mail: “I once heard that dumb models ask stupid questions. I’ve also heard that there’s no such thing as a stupid question. Is there? Find out today.” Is Tyra saying there’s no such thing as a dumb model? Or does she mean stupid is as stupid does? If a tree falls on a model in the woods, and there’s no one around to photograph it, is it still kind of funny?
