America's Next Top Model : Cycle 7 Recaps:
Episode 4 “The Girl Who Joined the Circus"
by D. Yueh
R.I.P. Monique — Everyone’s mourning the absence of delightful and tender Monique, who earned her well-deserved shove out the door last week. Michelle speaks for everyone when she says, “Monique’s pretty much the only one out of all 13 girls that I didn’t like. … Justice was served.”
No one’s happier than the remaining half of the Monique/Melrose dysfunctional duo, who adds, “The house is so much better without Monique. … It is a relief.” And what a relief! Now Melrose can live without fear of midnight panty smears and other cooter-related assaults and concentrate on tormenting her next victim.
It’s after 1:00 a.m. and the girls are inexplicably taking a shower together in a large, long shower stall. Like I always say, no house is complete without a shower big enough for a donkey. Sadly, the glass is frosted from shoulder to knee, and all we can see is the outline of a few butts and a très sexy blue shower cap. The only one not partaking in the group shower is Melrose, who stands against the wall outside the bathroom complaining that the whooping and laughing is keeping her from getting her beauty sleep. Straight girls just don’t understand.
Megg thinks Melrose is a big party pooper and says with her signature stoner’s grin, “I just want to rock and roll and have a good time!”
Baby-faced Brooke observes, “Melrose always rubs girls the wrong way.” Yeah, well, there’s a right way and a wrong way, ain’t there?
Gender Confusion — The next morning, Jaeda, Brooke, Melrose and Eugena are sitting around the table when Jaeda says, “I have people looking at me and they’re not sure exactly what I am … if I’m a boy that’s like girlie or a girl that’s boy-ie.” Whatever they think you are, it’s a safe bet they don’t think you’re an English major. It’s been three weeks since she got her hair cut, and she’s still hung up on it. Excuse me sir, but it’s time to come up with something new to complain about.
The harsh reality of modeling is starting to wear on Jaeda. “I really didn’t realize what modeling is,” she admits, with Eugena sitting by her side. She continues, “I knew modeling was hard work, but I didn’t know it was this hard.”
“Yeah, it’s hard work,” Eugena echoes. Looks like Eugena’s latched onto her new queen, now that Monique’s gone.
I’d love to see Jaeda doing a real job. If she thinks looking down a camera lens, wearing designer clothes, waiting for people to adjust your lighting and sashaying around in $900 shoes is work, I’d love to see her figure out Lotus Notes.
Let’s Eat! — Reasonably proportioned Anchal fears she’s too voluptuous and that she lacks the flat stomach all the other wheat stalks have. In the very next scene, some of the others invite her to dine with them, and even though she just ate, Anchal’s happy to be included and proceeds to fry four eggs for herself.
Twin X walks in, takes one look at the stove and deadpans, “Anchal, are you cooking for a small family?” Hee. Which one is the sarcastic one again? Michelle? Amanda has faded so far into the background, I keep forgetting she’s there.
I, Anchal — We get a glimpse of Anchal’s family photos: one of her as a goofy kid and one as a teen with glasses and braces. She sadly recalls being so hideous as a youth, people would gossip behind her ogre-like back.
Jaeda’s not the only one with image issues. Anchal has so many issues she could have a series all to herself. Passive-aggressive competitiveness, body image dysphoria, self-loathing, insecurities, victimhood, twisted ego and shiny, healthy hair, Anchal’s got it all.
A Love Note From Tyra — Finally, the girls have something to do besides hanging around the house obsessing about how ugly and manly they are. CariDee reads: “Don’t get it twisted. For some of you, being a model is quite a stretch. So prove to me you’ll bend over backwards for fashion. Love, Tyra.”
