America's Next Top Model : Cycle 7 Recaps:
Episode 2 "The Girl Who Hates Her Hair"
by D. Yueh
Casa da Tyra. “I suck so bad at runway,” The Shining twin Michelle complains to Megan, as she struts back and forth like an injured stork. They’re practicing their sashay technique on the runway in the living room.
Megan’s all grrl power about it and says: “We’re competing against each other, ya know, but that’s the way it should be. It should be like, help each other, ya know, get each other to the top.”
Melrose is in her bathrobe, tidying up the kitchen. Dum dee dum. The kitchen looks a damn sight better than last week, when it was wall-to-wall garbage. Christian’s absence since getting voted out last week is the only change in the house. Maybe Christian was the uber-slob?
In the Confessions of a Model booth, Melrose has adopted a there-but-for-the-grace-of-Christian-go-I outlook. “I’ve been thinking a lot about Christian today … just how much she must be going through, that I could be there.” At least Christian doesn’t have to share a bathroom with 12 other women anymore. Melrose’s brush with reality show death has given her a renewed sense of determination. “I’m gonna work my ass off,” she declares.
Tyra Mail. “Every morning, I have to have two glasses of fresh squeezed O Jays to get me going. This morn, I suggest you do the same.” Morn?
It’s 6:45 a.m. and Monique’s not happy. When is this chick ever happy? She rants, “I’m pretty pissed off because this alarm clock … it’s like four or five of them that’s going off. And I’m still trying to sleep, OK? I’m still trying to get my beauty sleep, OK?” Monique sure is cranky in the morn. Will someone please just put a pillow over her face already?
Out to Breakfast with Miss J and Jay. The girls sit down with Miss J and Jay, but aren’t sure why they’re there. “We thought we were going to get a makeover,” someone says. Miss J replies, “Everyone always talks about makeovers and liking them, and then when you get them, you bust out crying.” I’m dying to see Anchal get her down-to-there hair lopped off.
Jaeda brags, “My hair grows so fast, I don’t care. Shave it.” Monique needs that stick up her ass removed. Is that considered a makeover?
No one orders any food.
Back at the house. When the girls return from not eating breakfast, it seems no one’s remembered to take the keys — they can’t get in the house. Unbeknownst to them, Tyra’s waiting behind the door. When she finally opens it, there’s squealing and screaming and jumping. Megan spontaneously gives Tyra a big, awkward hug that Tyra doesn’t return. Oh, Megan. I used to like you.
In a little While You Were Out turn, the living room’s been remade into a salon, and hair stylist Frederic Fekkai is there to give the girls brand new looks. More squeals of delight. I don’t know if I can take the spontaneous shrieking much longer. Anyway, Fekkai is a legend in Tyra’s opinion — he’s done her hair since she was 17 years old. The models then find out that after they get their makeovers, they’ll be doing a metallic bikini photo shoot.
One by one, Tyra unveils a portrait of each girl’s proposed new look. The drawings are the best quality police sketches that money can buy. For brunette Melrose, platinum blonde is going to be her new thing. Blond Brooke needs to be “edged out” by going brunette. You see how they flip-flopped them? That’s called creative genius, kids.
Eugena thinks she’s better than everyone else, so in crazy model logic, that means she needs hair extensions. Whatever. Eugena’s hairstyle is such a snoozer, any change would be a good thing. Megan’s going to be a “pixie blonde.”
Each new reveal is greeted with oohs and aahs like the opening of gifts at a bridal shower — you want to see what everyone else got, but you only really care when it’s your turn.
Anchal is finally getting that hair-cape she’s been wearing since third grade cut and layered. Yay. And then Jay says, “Your forehead right now is really, really low ...” Oh yeah, I like where this is going. “So … we actually have threaders back there and we’re going to move back your hairline just a little bit.” Fricking awesome. Does anyone have a hairy mole that needs attention? Now’s your chance.
Tyra jumps in, “You’re going from an Anchal forehead, to a Tyra five-head, girl!” I wish Tyra wouldn’t speak in such technical terms, I don’t understand Modelese. Anchal laughs but she also looks a tad disturbed. With those enormous eyes but otherwise smallish features, triangular head and long dark hair, Anchal looks like a manga character named Five-Head Girl.
