America's Next Top Model : Cycle 7 Recaps:
Season Finale “The Girl Who Becomes
America 's Next Top Model" (page 3)
by D. Yueh

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Atoosa on the Loosa — At a studio cryptically named Top Studios/Ocean Day Light, CariDee and Melrose meet up with Jay “Nipples” Manuel. He tells them that whoever wins will have the photos from this shoot plastered on the cover of Seventeen magazine. Back for the third or fourth time is Seventeen editor-in-chief, Atoosa Rubenstein. This woman frickin’ loves being on the show. She keeps popping up everywhere.

CariDee gets a Paris Hilton-sweeping-bangs hairstyle and a big yellow lollipop for her shoot. In the spirit of her new philosophy to not look too porny, CariDee tries to look youthful. I know it’s for Seventeen, but the way she coyly holds the sucker in her mouth makes it look like she’s posing for Maxim and should be wearing a Catholic schoolgirl uniform.

Later, Atoosa says she thinks Melrose is unique and doesn’t look “like just any girl.” Apparently, Melrose isn’t unique enough to get her own lollipop, because she has to rinse off the one CariDee was just frenching and reuse it.

Tyra Mail — “Tyra Mail!” CariDee and Melrose both call out to an empty house. “Nobody here,” Melrose laughs. The card reads, “Not every couch in the modeling business is a casting couch. It’s time to pick your brain to see if you have what it takes to be America’s Next Top Model.” That there are some slim pickings.

Therapy — Tyra sits down with CariDee and Dr. Michelle, a life coach Tyra often features on her talk show. A life coach is someone who tells you what your friends won’t and who charges you money for it. What a sweet gig.

Dr. Michelle asks CariDee how she’ll handle the stress if she wins. As tears roll down her face, CariDee says she’s lived with the stress of being criticized her whole life, and she never let it stop her. She also tells Tyra and the doc that, oh sure, she’s happier now, but not so much when she had psoriasis and was known around junior high school as Flaky McSnaky. “A lot of my humor has taken away my sadness,” she says. That and liberal amounts of coal tar.

Meanwhile, Melrose thinks she lost herself for a minute, trying to fit in with the other girls (and we all know how well that worked out). Then she remembered oh yeah, I don’t care, and went back to being herself. Dr. Michelle asks Melrose to name something she could change about herself. Melrose says, “Maybe sometimes the way that I say things doesn’t come off right.” Hmm, yeah, because “Step off, bitch” and “Back off, ho” could be taken so many different ways.

The Last Runway — Jay meets the final two at Park Guell, a fantastic garden designed by turn-of-the-century Catalan architect Antonio Gaudi. This last fashion show’s theme is “ghostly brides,” and the girls will dress in wedding couture for their walk down a winding, cavernous path. It’s official: They’ve run out of runway ideas.

Dani will also be joining them because she just can’t get enough of Top Model. Jay explains that as the show progresses, each walk is supposed to get more theatrical. And right on cue, Miss J. comes running out like he’s being chased by the bulls at Pamplona.

Jay says to CariDee and Melrose, “This is all about craziness … back and forth to the end … you’re in your own coo-coo crazy world.” Truer words were never spoken to these two girls.

Night has fallen. The girls are getting made up to look dead. Where’s Eugena when you need her? Melrose is psyched about the concept, or so she says. She’s so calculating, she’ll say anything to get ahead.

A bunch of civilians — friends, passers-by, Dr. Michelle — have been tricked into helping out. They’re all given candles and positioned along the path to light the way. The judges, dressed in evening wear, sit at the end of the “runway.” Tyra is wearing a smokin’ hot, black, vixenish get-up. Covering her cleavage is something she never does, and I thank her for it.

She gives CariDee and Melrose some last-minute advice and takes her seat with a sigh. I feel the same way. It’s almost over. Hang in there.

Melrose says, “The nerves have definitely kicked in. Battle of the Blondes is in full effect now.”

CariDee says, “I know Melrose. This girl isn’t as strong as she tries to pull off. This is mine.”

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