America's Next Top Model : Cycle 7 Recaps:
Episode 10 “The Girl Who Grates" (page 2)
by D. Yueh
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Reservado — The girls have dinner reservations for a table with one extra seat. Who will be the mystery guest this time? In walks Miss J. (yay!) wearing a quietly elegant babushka on his head.
CariDee is psyched because she wants to have personal chit-chat time with a panel member. Has she forgotten what happened last time she had quality time with a panel member? Keep your mouth full of dinner rolls and don’t speak, for the love of God.
“There’s lots to talk about,” Miss J. says, clapping his hands giddily. “Questions and things I want to know. Things that I’d die to say at judging and I don’t get a chance to …” Yeah, those are outtakes I’d love to see.
Miss J. asks Eugena, “How did you end up in this competition?” She starts to tell him she just saw it on the website. Before she can get out a second sentence, Melrose sticks her big fat beak in and cuts her off.
“I studied fashion design. Because what happened was …” and Melrose proceeds to tell us about her lifelong love affair with clothes and sewing her own designs. Eugena looks like she’s going to bite her.
CariDee has decided Melrose has “three different personalities, and she’s really good at it; it’s really convincing.” She’s manipulative, but she can also be cool. It’s creepy. I think I dated her once.
Miss J. looks bored to tears as Melrose goes on and on about her life. She finally shuts the hell up and Miss J. reminds the girls that modeling is hard and how lucky they are to be in the final four. He says he thought Amanda and Michelle were the two “goofiest, Gumby girls” when he first saw them, but no one gets mad because hey, it’s Miss J.
“May the best bitch win,” he toasts.
Tyra Mail — “Heads up, shoulders back. It’s going to be a stiff competition,” CariDee reads. God only knows what our little manhound is thinking that could mean.
Keep Your Friends Close, But … — CariDee and Amanda are the only ones who heed Tiny Dancer’s advice to practice their dance moves. Amanda knows she needs all the practice she can get. She wants to win this one for Michelle.
Eugena is having a siesta, and Melrose is feeling too cocky to bother practicing. “I’m 100 percent confident that I’m going to shine. I don’t want to overpractice. Really, once you start dancing, it just kinda works,” she claims smugly. Not if you’re me, it don’t.
The next morning, Melrose is reading the paper, Eugena is washing her face, and CariDee … well, she’s lying in bed with the covers off, wearing a sports bra and floral Daisy Dukes. Interesting sleeping attire. She arches her back, sticking her butt out as she rolls over and rubs her eyes. They’re always telling her to tone down the strip club act, but maybe she can’t help it. I mean, she sleeps like a stripper.
Eugena comes in and sits on her bed. Will something interesting happen? No. They inspect CariDee’s armpits for razor stubble. You girls don’t know how to have fun.
CariDee tells us, “Eugena is a true, real person. She listens, she talks … she’s genuinely concerned.” And then she says to Eugenuine, “OK, I’ll show you my ’nads.” What? No. Wait. Let me play that back. Oh, OK. She said “dance,” not ’nads. Sorry.
Eugena and CariDee bond over loathing the idea that Melrose might win. Eugena says she’d be pissed if that happened. CariDee thinks Melrose is about as real as a WWE wrestler. But of course, Melrose could give two shakes what anyone thinks — she’s in it to win the title of Top Model, not Most Popular. From the get-go, she’s walked the runway alone.
CariDee concludes, “If Melrose becomes America’s Next Top Model, I’m gonna puke. All over.”
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