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America's Next Top Model : Cycle 5 Recaps:
Episode 4 "The Girl Who Makes a Disclaimer"
(page 3)
by Karman Kregloe

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Meanwhile, Kim is holding court again and her minions inquire about Sarah. She assures them that Sarah doesn’t really mean anything to her, she’s just having some fun. Cut to Sarah in hair rollers, looking a little nervous and lost before the big shoot. The minions want to know if Kim thinks Sarah has feelings for her. Kim shrugs and laughs like the mere idea of it is just lame.

I half expect Kim to break into “Summer Lovin’” from Grease. This is some serious Danny Zuko talk (which also explains her constantly flipped up collars). When Sarah wanders into their conversation, Kim smirks and rolls her eyes. This behavior is just a little too high school boy for my liking. I might have to climb through the tv set and kick her cocky ass.

While Cassandra considers her fate, the other girls are running for their lives on the Treadmill of Terror. Nik, Jayla and Bre pull it off, while Coryn, Kyle and Diane are a bit expressionless. Nicole flits about with her standard vacant look, and Sarah just tries not to fall down. Kim, despite getting fitted with a really cool leather outfit, uses the opportunity to get her cardio workout and doesn’t do much else.

Meanwhile, Bre is using Cassandra’s contemplation period to do some excellent strategic manipulation. Cassandra isn’t sure what she should do, and Bre encourages her to go with her first instinct as it is usually a sign from God. Bre even tells her that she would respect her for standing up to Evil Jay. Cassandra takes the bait and tells Evil Jay she isn't going to cut her hair. Evil Jay flames her, "I really don't have time for this today, so you've just got to leave my set,” and speed-dials the Great and Powerful Tyra with the news.

Fearing for her life, Cassandra heads back to Chez Model and packs her bags for the flight back to Houston. It’s obvious that she is so glad to be done with this competition. "I'm going home. I'm going to go back to Texas, and I'm going to get some hair extensions. Hopefully you'll see me as a future Miss USA." No, hopefully I won’t see you again at all.

The girls wonder if they will still face another round of eliminations now that Cassandra has taken herself out of the competition. Yeah, right. As if the judges would miss an opportunity to publicly humiliate the girls with their critiques!

The models once again face the panel of judges, which this time includes guest judge Sue Wong. Tyra takes the opportunity to make a little speech about the Cassandra situation. Yes, of course it’s more fun to make an example of someone when they are standing right in front of her, but she’ll take what she can get.

"Being a model means being about to adapt to a whole variety of situations. Cassandra was more interested in holding on to one inch of her hair than learning and adapting." Tyra throws down the gauntlet: If there is anyone else who isn't willing to devote their lives to this competition they should step forward now. But no one takes the bait. (I thought maybe Bre and Lisa would take a couple of steps back so that it looked like everyone else was stepping forward, but they didn’t.)

The girls are challenged to perform their signature walks for the judges, and a look of shock and terror crosses Kim’s face. It’s as if she’s thinking, “Damn! I wish they would judge our signature pick up lines. I could win this thing!” Her solution? She makes a big disclaimer about how she knows her walk sucks but that she thinks she can make it better with a little more practice. Bad idea, Kim. These people don’t like excuses or pleas for mercy. And yes, her walk does suck.

When the girls get a look at their pictures from the treadmill shoot, they see that they were supposed to have been running from Miss J.—clad as the Fashion Police Witch. Miss J is selling it in the photograph. I go back and forth between rooting for Tyra and Miss J. I always wish one of them would win this competition.

The lucky girls with the great shots are Jayla (and the new hairdo is H.O.T.) Coryn and Nik. Bre gets some props for her walk but they don’t buy her acting in the picture. Diane and Nicole end up with some boring photos, and Lisa’s is okay except for the fact that she appears to have no neck in the shot. Kim’s photo is good, but she admits that she is struggling with how to portray her feminine side without compromising her true nature. Tyra makes a fabulous suggestion. She tells Kim to study the work of male models to see how they combine both masculine and feminine energy. Did I really need one more reason to love Tyra?

Poor Sarah. The judges can tell she wasn’t feigning fright in her photo. They also know that she was more afraid of falling down than she was of Miss J in a scary dress.

One by one, Tyra calls the names of the winners until only Kim and Sarah are left standing. There is no chivalry here. Kim doesn’t not step aside for Sarah, but I think Sarah would do it for Kim (if she didn’t already know in her gut that she was going home). When Sarah is eliminated, the two embrace for a very long time and shed some tears. As Kim joins the other winners, Sarah embraces Coryn in what looks like a great big kiss!

Coryn’s considerable hairdo blocks our view of their faces, but even through all that fake hair I can see the unmistakable truth: Sarah ain’t straight.

There is something real queer about this girl, and I think she knows it too. Even in defeat, Sarah continues to be sweet and thoughtful, “I'm glad I came, and even though I didn't win, I learned things about myself, so it was worth it. Kim taught me a lot about myself, and I learned that I'm stronger than I thought I was…. Back to Boonville, I guess, and we'll see from there." Something tells me that Sarah and her boyfriend are going to have a long talk.

The tease for next week: the return of Janice Dickinson. You know, I’m glad that sensitive Sarah was booted before Janice could put her nasty silicone talons into her. I don’t think she could have taken it, and I’m not sure that I could have either. Although I would love to have seen Cassandra square off against Janice. It’d be like that movie Alien vs. Predator, but on a runway.

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