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Kim’s display of her fitness as a mate continues over breakfast, as she cooks up a batch of eggs while Sarah sits on the countertop next to her. Kim tells everyone, “I always clean up after everything I do in the kitchen. Especially when I have sex here.” Sarah giggles. Cut to them eating the eggs together from the plate on Kim’s lap. Kim continues, “Straight girls tend to get crushes on me. I can’t pick up a gay girl to save my life.”

On the other side of the house, Cassandra’s mother is handing her ass to her. I don’t know where Cassandra got her lack of good sense, but it wasn’t from her mama. After whining about the judges’ insistence on stripping her of all femininity (aka cutting her hair), Sarah’s mom accuses her of vanity, and asks her horrid little spawn, "Do you love your hair more than you love this opportunity?" I like this woman! Hey Tyra, would it be okay if we swap Cassandra for her mom?

For their next challenge, the girls must walk a runway with a big, spinning lazy susan at the end of it while wearing over-the-top gowns and headdresses. Designer Sue Wong will be the judge, and let me tell you right now that she is not going to put up with any model bullshit. The reward for the winner of this challenge is the opportunity to wear a beautiful white gown that Tyra once wore to an event hosted by Oprah Winfrey. The second runner-up will drink Tyra’s champagne backwash from the same event. Just kidding. But really, the reward is to wear Tyra’s old clothes? I think we need Cassandra’s mom to bring Tyra back down to earth!

The runway competition is pretty sad, with most of the girls nervously approaching the spinning wheel and Sue Wong’s scowl with considerable trepidation. Except for Bre, who kick walks her way into Ms. Wong’s cold, cold heart. Poor Sarah has the toughest time, cruelly saddled with an enormous headpiece as she wobbles down the runaway. Her teetering under faux-diamond monstrosity is funny in an I Love Lucy kind of way, but Sue Wong isn’t laughing. She later crowns Bre the winner, and grants her the opportunity to take four of her model friends to the fancy dinner at which she will wear Tyra’s hand-me-downs.

The main course for dinner? Caviar. The girls give each other looks of horror as they choke down tiny spoonfuls of the slippery stuff, and I’m pretty sure that their stretch limo will be making at drive-thru detour on the way home. Says Bre, "I want to be respectful, but I want to throw up."

Upon her return to Chez Model, Kim is quick to get some alone time with Sarah. They frolic in the swimming pool and have the obligatory conversation about how “hard” relationships are before retiring to bed together. Thank god for that Survivor-style night vision surveillance cam! With it we can see Kim, clad in tank top and boxer shorts, jump into the twin beds she and Sarah have pushed together and get to it! The producers of the show have the foresight to cue some porn music before we break for commercial.

Luckily, there is a reasonable explanation for all of this. Kim tells us, “I don’t want to have anything interfere with the competition, but she’s such a blonde-haired girl. I love blondes. I really do.”

The next morning, Nicole is really cranky because the lovebirds kept her up all night. But Kim downplays the dalliance to Bre. “It was a stupid make-out. That’s all it was!” Bre holds up two fingers. No, Kim tells her, the kiss in the limo didn’t count. Bre has a peculiar interest in their affair and because she has appointed herself to be Kim and Sarah’s official kiss-counter, she has some insight. She tells Kim, “What is she going to do, fly out to see you every weekend? Stick to reality, sweetheart.”

If Bre doesn’t win this thing, she should stick to what she knows and become a love-coach for lesbians. I sure could have used advice like this in my younger days!

While Kim is adamantly unmoved by the tryst with Sarah, the situation really is having an impact on Sarah’s emotions. She even lets on to her boyfriend about the situation (haven’t seen Kim make any confessional calls about the Sarah sitch to her girl). He suggests that maybe the relationship with Kim is more meaningful to her than she is letting on. And he doesn’t do it with a death threat or a request to watch! Who are these people?

Later that day, the girls learn that their next photo shoot requires that they run from an unseen danger on a treadmill while striking glamorous poses. Evil Jay tells them that they will be “fashion victims” -- that their outfits will be somehow askew. He pulls Cassandra and Jayla aside to tell them that he wants to remove Jayla's hair extensions and give Cassandra the buzz cut punishment that Tyra had originally handed down.

Cassandra gets that pinchy-faced look, and tells Evil Jay that she’s not sure she’s willing to cut her hair again. Jay warns her that this is not top model behavior, but gives her some time to think about it. He turns the giant hourglass upside down and tells her “I’ll be back when the sand has run out, My Pretty!” Or something along those lines.

As we watch this scene, my friend Jill draws my attention to Cassandra’s t-shirt. “That’s my ‘Sorority Girls Do It with Their Sisters’ shirt!’” she exclaims. We use the freeze-frame option to zone in on Cassandra’s shirt and, sure enough, she is sporting some lesbian-innuendo on her lithe frame. Very interesting! Is this why she is so flipped out about her short hair? Doth she protest too much?