I have a two-word excuse for the tardiness of my recap this week: Sports suck.

Upon graduation from high school, I thought I would never again be ravaged by the cruelty of sports. Alas, this was not to be. Last week, my beloved America’s Next Top Model was pre-empted in the Los Angeles viewing area by some silly little baseball playoff game: Angels versus Red Sox. Who lost? The rest of us!

ANTM wasn’t aired until Saturday night, as if it were some inconsequential little program that we could all just live without. Couldn’t they have aired ANTM instead of that new show Cuts the next night? Nobody’s watching it anyway, right? And this was a CRUCIAL episode. You know what I’m talking about because odds are that you saw the show on Wednesday as nature intended. I’ll just cut to the chase because you know what happened. Kim’s fiancée Sarah was sent home. No more reality lesbian romance, no more night-goggle shots of the two of them rolling around in bed together.

This elimination sucked as bad as sports.

Here’s how the episode went down (no pun intended):

After Ebony’s elimination, the girls head home and Kim and Sarah immediately couple up. Because Kim is such a complete and total stud, she wants us to know that this situation is not a big deal to her. “We made out once when we were tipsy. I’ve dealt with straight girls for years, and years, and years. I know them like the back of my hand.” She adds that “All the people I’ve dated have had attachment issues and it’s hard because I, like, don’t have any.” Contrarily, under the moonlight Sarah tells Kim, “I just don’t think I’ve met the right person yet.”

The next morning, the girls are gathered around the pool at Chez Model where Miss J greets them dressed as Super Esther Williams—cape and all. Miss J is here to teach the girls to walk again. And as if walking weren’t difficult enough, Miss J forces the girls into wacky hats and skirts and goads them into performing their own interpretive dance-walks around the pool. While it’s a treat to see the girls in their skimpy little bikinis, their Martha Graham-ing about is scary. Diane gets so into it that she nearly vaults herself into the pool, Lisa convulses, and Cassandra prisses around like, well, Cassandra.

Ever notice how Cassandra never seems to really listen to the assignments? It’s like all she hears is, “Today, we want you to do exactly what you always do. Keep it safe, keep it conventional. Make George W. Bush proud!”

Miss J reserves her most pained grimaces for Kim and Sarah. They both have terrible posture, as if they spent the night before in some contorted position that has put cricks in their necks and slouches in their shoulders. Hmmmm.

Afterwards, Kim and Sarah practice walking together, but it soon devolves into Kim flexing her muscles, showing off with push-ups for and assuring Sarah, “My arms are really strong.” Bre doesn’t think Kim knows anything about being a model. “You should stick to what you know. You know girls, you know you like ‘em, you know you’re good at getting ‘em.”

Bre’s right. Kim shouldn’t be a professional model. She should be a professional lesbian.