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Not everyone is so down in the dumps. Lisa gloats to Evil Jay, “I looooove my new haircut!” He loves it too, and has tells her that they’ve decided to also make her “a believable blonde.” Which is more than I can say for Evil Jay.

Kim is stewing under her newly rouged faux-hawk. She’s has that look on her face that you had the first time your mom made you wear a dress to school.

Kim asks the ultra-girly Nicole, “You don’t think it looks feminine?”
Nicole doesn’t think so. Kim explains to her, “I’m trying to keep my own personal expression and that might be hard with this color. No boy has this color.”

Nicole drops a bomb on Kim, “Yeah, but you’re not a boy, you’re a masculine looking-““

Kim cuts her off. “It’s not my thing.”

Why bother? It’s clear that Nicole doesn’t get genderfuck. And while we’re at it, why do straight girls always feel compelled to remind lesbians that we are not boys? Do they really think that we don’t know?

Cassandra update: She sits with her newly spiked hair covered in bleaching solution, and she is fixated on Nicole’s new extensions. To make matters worse, Kayla practically puts out Cassandra’s eye with all of her hair extension twirling and swirling.

Evil Jay continues to make his rounds, telling Bre that she is now “ghetto fabulous”—which slightly offends her. Nicole will be “wide-eyed supermodel” and Lisa will “evoke early supermodel—supermodel with a twist!” Maybe in Jay’s world this means something, but I’m just hearing “blah, blah, blah supermodel.”

Lisa reveals her new blonde coif--Holy Schneikes! With that short frosty hair and those blue eyes, she really does look like Linda Evangelista.

Kim’s fiancée Sarah also looks dynamite with her newly bobbed locks. She now looks like she could be hanging off of the mast of a yacht instead of a stripper pole. Jay wants her to embody a Ralph Lauren type thing.

Kim’s “new” style is what Evil Jay calls, “Femme Boy,” and she is proud that she’s the only girl who wasn’t asked to really change who she is. Jayla has gone from rocker girl to “Yves St. Lauren chic,” and Diane looks Cher-circa-1975-fabulous.

Coryn is told that her look is “sophisticated.” She is now reddish blonde and her eyebrows have been limited to a single area code. Hmmm. There is something eerily familiar about her look. I think I would call her new style, “Tyra.”

Kyle’s new brown hair qualifies her for, “Chanel with an edge” and Nik is now “bohemian chic.” After a grueling 13 hours, Ebony now has a million tiny long braids. She looks gorgeous.

Cassandra is still suffering. “Obviously, I’m still going to be a feminine person because that’s who I am.”

Okay, now we’re getting down to it.

“What bothered me about the makeover was that Jay said that I can’t act feminine anymore.”

I don’t think Jay actually said that. I did hear him say that she should try a “Mod” look.
Cassandra is also upset because Jay told her to act “edgy,” which Cassandra seems to think is a euphemism for “dykey.” She even says the word “edgy” with palpable contempt, as if our courts should be legislating against it.

The girls make their way back to Chez Supermodel. Cassandra continues to bitch and moan about her hair, even calling her boyfriend to tell him all about it. His voice sounds as disinterested and monosyllabic as you would expect for her. She warns him, “You’re going to hate it!”

Kim is sick of hearing about it. “I’ve never heard someone complain so much in my life! It’s a joke.” Several of the girls crowd around Kim and laugh as she does a bitchy, back-stabby imitation of Cassandra. This is obviously all part of her “masculine” thing.

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