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Okay. Sarah may never have “known” a full-blown lesbian before, but she really knows her way around a woman’s body. She had little Kim on her back in four seconds flat!

When they finally come up for air, Kim is all twinkly smiles. She shushes the girls for an important announcement.

“One down, eleven to go!”

Yeehaw!

I guess I should have seen it coming. Top Model claims to be modeling boot camp. And we all know what happens at camp.

The great thing about the Kim/Sarah throw-down is that it exposes the truth about a couple of pervasive myths:

1) Despite what Pat Buchanan might tell the masses, we don’t make passes at straight girls. They come on to us. We’re the ones who are initially shocked and slack-jawed when they press themselves against us and proclaim their “curiosity.”

2) They don’t have to be drunk to do it. Sure, a six-pack has paved the way for more than a few ill-advised lesbian-straight girl grope sessions, but alcohol is obviously not a required lubricant. Kim merely told her she was pretty and Sarah mounted her like a bucking bronco.

The best part about the Kim/Sarah clench, however, is that Kim has finally been relieved of the burden of proving she’s a well-trained and fully domesticated dyke.

You know what I’m talking about.

Put yourself in a group of straight girls and the first thing you have to do is prove to them that you aren’t a rooster in the henhouse. Depending on the women in question, you may have to even play it as noble, asexual, and stoic as Jodie Foster to make sure that they know that just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you want to bed them.

When Sarah jumped Kim with a pink limo fully of (ostensibly) straight witnesses, all bets were off. Kim could stop with the aw-shucks routine and finally claim the seductive power behind her pout.

With her, “One down, eleven to go,” Kim put all of those girls on notice. One by one, they will succumb to they hypnotic power of Kim’s lesbian lemur gaze.

Kim so doesn’t care if she gets to be a model.

She’s a reality television version of the L Word’s Shane, slouch-ing a swath through an apartment full of “straight” girls who can’t resist her androgynous appeal.

And she’s doing it on the teevee!

Modeling contract? Cover Girl spokeslesbian? Who cares!

Kim is poised to become America’s Next Top Pussy Hound.

Unfortunately, the rest of the show wasn’t nearly as interesting as the tussle in the limo.

The girls do a photo shoot dressed like superheroes, and Evil Jay tells them how awful they look while they pose. Most of their pictures end up looking kind of dumb.

Over-confident Ashley, not stumbly Sarah, is eliminated from the competition. Which means we could see another Kim/Sarah re-match next week.

Which is why--unless Michelle Rodriguez and Evangeline Lilly find some island love with each other--I’ll be TiVo-ing the fabulous Lost while I’m watching the trashy Top Model.

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