Silly lesbians, you thought you couldn’t relate to a television show created by a supermodel (Tyra Banks), about budding supermodels, and for all the ostensibly straight wannabe supermodels in America. But America's Next Top Model lesbian content is going to be spoon-fed to you this season, thanks to the irresistible charm of a scrawny little baby dyke from New York who is vying to be (said in deadpan Tyra-style) America’s. Next. Top. Model.

The show follows a group of young women throughout the various stages of their competition for a modeling contract and a spread in Elle magazine. The official website for Top Model promises to expose “the transformation of everyday young women into potentially fierce supermodels, with participants facing weekly tests that determine who can make the cut.”

Contestants learn how to walk (yes, walk), share a bathroom with 12 other girls just as bitchy as themselves, and handle public humiliation (couched as constructive criticism) at the hands of a panel of judges. Tyra’s authority on the subject is a no-brainer, she’s already made it ya’ll. This season, the celebrity panel judge is none other than British fashion legend Twiggy. She’s the poster girl for sensible restraint, finding something helpful and positive to say about almost every contestant and arguing with the other judges about what constitutes “heavy” or “pretty.” She is also Glenda to former celebrity judge Janice Dickinson’s Wicked Witch. In previous seasons, Dickinson would verbally flay each naïve young model-to-be while proclaiming herself a “legend.” Propped up by some combination of substances and silicone (and her own broom), Janice was the judge to dodge. (Not to worry, Evil Jay is sure to pick up her slack.). Twiggy promises to be more understanding. (Alas, a telephone pole would display more compassion than Janice Dickson. Good riddance, Bi-otch!)

The final judge is Nigel Barker, a former model and now fashion photographer. His critiques are typically boring and non-controversial. Uber-butch, cropped, and clean-shaven, he is the token straight man on the show (think Matt Lauer, with hair). Snore.

Assisting the judges is Miss J. Alexander, a “fierce” (get acquainted with the word, you’ll be hearing it 200-300 times per show) gay man who teaches the girls how to work the runway and to carry themselves like real supermodels. He is the show's Mrs. Garrett, a loving disciplinarian who sometimes gets exasperated at the antics of these nutty, hungry girls. Then there is Evil Jay Manuel, who, with his bleached blonde mop sharpened to a point, berates the girls via bullhorn as they undertake each challenge. His jealousy of their model-potential is palpable. Always a bridesmaid….

The show begins with 36 hopeful models, “hand-picked” by Tyra from a pool of thousands. We see clips from their audition tapes, their ride into Los Angeles from the airport, and their all-important first meeting with Tyra. There’s the obnoxious girl, the stuck-up girl, the tough girl, the punk rock girl, the lesbian, the….what?

Yes, America’s Next Top Model has their first “full on” lesbian this season. Doe-eyed Kim, a recent graduate of Wesleyan U., is quick to tell the panel of judges that she is gay, out and, like, proud (shuffle feet, gaze nervously at the ground).

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