Remember
the good old days of after-school specials, when
the teenage gay boys were the moody loners and the teenage
lesbian girls were…hey, where were they?
Times
have changed, and television has the young lesbians to prove
it. Shows like The
O.C., Degrassi,
and South
of Nowhere not only depict lesbian and bisexual
teenagers, but they depict them as the edgy, cool, and even—gasp--popular.
This
trend extends to programs that feature the occasional guest
lesbian, as in last night's episode (“Versatile Toppings”)
of Veronica Mars--the UPN series now in its second
season that is part teen drama, part murder mystery, and
part rumination on race, class, and the screwed-up lifestyles
of the rich and famous.
While
investigating a string of pizza delivery guy muggings,
teen sleuth Veronica Mars (Kristen Bell) discovers that
the gay students at Neptune High are being blackmailed.
The problem becomes obvious on what appears to be Gay Bash
Day at Neptune High School, as Veronica witnesses several
students getting harassed for being gay.
Particularly
nasty is one girl’s gleeful recitation of a love poem
allegedly written about her by a fellow member of the Pep
Squad named Marlena (Miriam Korn), who is now derisively
referred to as “Pep Squad Lez”. Marlena dodges
the taunts and Indigo Girls jokes, and weakly protests to
her pep squad teammate, “I didn’t write that!”
while Veronica looks on in indignant liberal horror.
Before
she can step in, classmate Ryan pulls Veronica aside and
explains that Marlena has been outed because she wouldn’t
pay the $5,000 demanded by a mystery blackmailer.
Ryan
tells Veronica that he created a secret website, The Pirate
Ship (resist urge to make bad gay joke), for the gay students
at their school. Ryan lost the list containing their names
and passwords and now the person who found it is cashing
in on their closets. Veronica promises that she will discreetly
track down the blackmailer, and Ryan tells her that one
of the students being blackmailed may come to her with more
details.
Soon
enough, the closeted student does indeed find Veronica,
in the girls bathroom, and she turns out to be a Gwen Stefani
look-alike cheerleader named Kylie (played by Laguna
Beach starlet Kristin Cavallari).
When
Kylie tells Veronica that she’s being blackmailed,
the normally astute Ms. Mars responds with silence and a
“does not compute” face. Kylie says (with a
hair flip), “Sorry to blow your mind, Veronica, but
I’m a lesbian.” When Veronica recovers from
her shock and comments "that's cool", Kylie retorts,
"In college maybe--not in high school!"
The
show’s producers cue up some soft core porn music
(no, I’m not kidding) and Veronica tells Kylie to
stall the blackmailer while she investigates.
But
before Veronica can nab the suspect, Kylie uses her job
as a reporter on the Neptune High TV news broadcast to out
herself—and Marlena—to the entire school, by
confidently signing off her newscast with, “Oh yeah,
I’m gay, and Marlena is my girlfriend”, as the
students watching the broadcast all gasp.
Take
that, blackmailer!
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