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Most of the content is too over-simplified to be helpful. This is especially apparent in the obliviously shallow writing that ignores complex issues within lesbian communities, namely gender identity, power dynamics, and class privilege.
For example, the authors offer their painfully erroneous definition of a “boi” as “a girl who looks like a boy.” There is also a bizarre explanation of how to figure out if you are the “top” or a “bottom” in a couple. This section was a strange contradiction for a generation who is priding itself on shedding labels. Most everybody they talk to incorporates indicators of upper class privilege, from ladder-climbing corporate jobs to Ivy-League degrees to surfing vacations in Peru.
Their stories thrive on the current lesbian urban “scene:” hooking up, avoiding ex-girlfriends, and effortlessly convincing straight girls to ride your hand in a public restroom. The book includes seven separate references to The L Word, leaving no doubt about the single greatest influence shaping these young women's perception of what it means to be a modern lesbian.
This focus on frolicking prevents Same Sex in the City from being practical for readers who are seeking substance beyond the pep talk. Among the issues not addressed is how to set healthy sexual boundaries. There is no discussion about consent, save for the disturbing throw-away comment, “with regard to lesbians, no hardly means no.” What should an inexperienced lesbian know about how to get out of a sexual situation if it becomes uncomfortable or dangerous? (The authors at least advocate being sober the first time you have sex.)
Of even greater concern, the only reference to “safer sex” is a quip about straight women, saying they are “safer” to sleep with because they are typically unavailable for anything more than a one-night stand. The quip glosses over the emotional risks that go with sleeping with a girl who clings to the straight label, and also trivializes the need for a real discussion about safer sex. What should lesbians do to protect themselves from STDs? What's the best way to talk about safer sex with new partners?
Newbies may also be more vulnerable to entering into unhealthy relationships and not realizing it until it's too late. How do you know if a relationship has crossed the line from passionate to emotionally abusive? Where can women find lesbian-friendly support if they need help getting out of a physically abusive relationship? Any reader of this book is left to tackle these serious issues on her own. While Same Sex in the City provides young women who are questioning their sexuality with healthy doses of self-esteem, the authors are not successful at passing along the emotional tools necessary to gain and maintain it for themselves.
The omission of these critical issues make the authors' voices seem especially young and naive. They haven't been out long enough to face hurdles, find solutions and gather enough wisdom to balance out their giddy enthusiasm.
If you have been searching for a bubbly confessional by lesbians of the MySpace generation, look no further. But this book falls short of being the “relationship guide” it touts itself to be. Same Sex in The City lacks the depth required to help young lesbians transition from the L Word fantasy to the day-to-day reality.
Get Same Sex in the City at Amazon.com
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