AE:
That was my next question--are you in negotiations with some people?
SD:
No, I need to finish the project first, then I’ll shop it
around. It’s hard, it’s really not a very good time
for indie labels. Especially since this is a heavy conceptual project
and it’s really long. I’m hopeful because I want other
people to hear it, but it’s hard to figure out exactly how
that is going to happen.
AE:
The subject seems really timely for what is going on politically
and our involvement in Iraq. Are you going to bring in any themes
of the day or are you going to stay very classical?
SD:
It’s all contemporary. Some of the main issues I’m
interested in are the way that veterans stories are told and the
way that war stories are told as sort of diversionary tactics
from the violence that exists within the context of war. But then
also the way that veterans bring violence home with them and how
it effects them personally and the way it effects the people around
them. And how America just treats veterans like crap.
My
songs are sort of oblique, they aren’t telling specific
stories. What they do is try to explain some of the emotional
consequences of experiencing violence. Especially for the people
who experience it within war.
AE:
What do you think of the young woman who is getting a lot of attention
for the Abu Graib scandal?
SD:
That situation was so disturbing on so many levels. I think she
was scapegoated. I think that soldiers are inherently disempowered
because they work in a hierarchical structure and young people
that go in the military are disempowered people to begin with,
economically and socially disempowered. They are doing the best
that they can with the crap that they given. I have a lot of compassion
for soldiers and I don’t think that what they did was right.
But they were using a limited tool box to deal with it.
Why
do we think that women would be any different if we insist on
training them as soldiers? They’re just going to do the
same thing. It’s stupid and sexist.
AE:
What do you think of the music industry right now as far as treating
women?
SD:
I don’t see it as a very dynamic industry. People that don’t
have access to underground media or record stores are getting
less and less access to alternatives to mainstream music, which
is sad to me. And both men and women [musicians] are being shafted
as a result. I don’t know that anything has really changed
since the GoGo’s.
AE:
Are you writing a book on queers in rock? I read that somewhere.
SD:
No, I had that as an idea once, but I never did it. I’d
like to write that book. One thing that happened to me this summer
was that I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was really crazy
and that has been the main thing I’ve been thinking about.
All of this music stuff is great, but it’s taking a back
seat to my health. It sucks to have cancer.
Fortunately
I got it out. I have a good prognosis, but the medication, I’m
now basically going through menopause. I was having a hot flash
up on the stage today. I couldn’t really talk and it gets
me all confused. It’s really fucked up.
AE:
Do you see yourself down the road bringing this experience out
through your music or writing?
SD:
I hope so. One thing that has been weird for me is entering Cancerland.
The rhetoric of the ‘survivor’ or the ‘fighter’
is ubiquitous. ‘And here’s a teddy bear for you--hug
it!’ And all the little pink ribbons and all that crap that
I totally have no truck with. It doesn’t speak to me, I
don’t identify with, it all feels very alienating. Plus
I’m young. I’m 36. And lots of young women get breast
cancer, but the culture is post-menopausal. So that’s been
weird. It’s kind of like my relationship with mainstream
lesbian culture, which in many respects I see as weirdly assimilationist
and consumer-driven. Not a culture I necessarily feel a lot of
connection to.
So
one thing I’d like to do is work with people who have cancer
and write music and play music. I also think that probably a lot
of the thoughts I’ve been having will eventually turn themselves
into music.
The
other day I played a show with Michelle
Tea and Zoe Trope. And it was four days after my surgery and
I was up on stage, and I was playing guitar and I was like “You
guys I just have to tell you that I’m playing really crappy
tonight but I have breast cancer. So I’m sorry.” And
then I started crying onstage. Then I was like “I don’t
know why I started talking about that, but if anybody else has
breast cancer, I’d love to talk to you. Because I don’t
really know anybody who has breast cancer.” It seemed like
a friendly enough crowd, all dykes. That felt really good saying
something from the stage. But I don’t want my life to become
Cancer Life. I have enough of these weird identity categories--I’m
a teacher, I’m a musician. Enough already. Trying to keep
it in perspective.
You
can check out Sarah Dougher’s discography at SarahDougher.tk
or MrLady.com
