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AE: When did you get married?
AM: I cleaned up my act and I got married at 31. But I had been actively bisexual in my 20's. My best friend was my lover and we were roommates for a long time and we both would date men and we slept together almost every night. Neither one of us would ever call ourselves a lesbian in those days. She was in many ways my soul mate--I didn't know it then--I didn't think a woman could be the love of my life. I didn't even allow that in as a possibility because (of) society you just don't think that is the case. So we lived together and we slept together almost every night and we'd double date and it was the weirdest thing and then we would not want to be with the guys so we'd go home and be together. It was a really bizarre life.
AE: Did the friendship combust?
AM: We both wound up getting married, she moved out of the state and we still stayed in touch and we were still very close. Unfortunately she has since passed away, but I still miss her very much…She never knew me when I fully came out which who knows what would have been. She got married and had kids. I got married because I wanted kids, I did meet a man and I think I loved him, I don't know, it's different than the love I have for my girlfriend. I thought ultimately you have to wind up with a man and I did exactly that…
Of course I had nothing but female problems and wound up not being able to have a kid, and then our marriage was terrible. I started longing for women every single day and I got into therapy and I was crying about it, “Oh my God, I think I'm a lesbian. I don't know what to do with this.” I told her about my past and I'd slept with many women in my 20's but I wouldn't allow the emotion, I wouldn't pay attention to the emotion of it…But I do believe I was supposed to take this path because when I came out I really got the inequities.
After being married and living that life as a straight woman and understanding what I had as a straight married woman in this world and coming out and realizing what I didn't have as lesbian single woman or even a lesbian dating another woman, the inequities were so obvious.
AE: Like what?
AM: Well just the simplest is being able to go somewhere and be on a date and be affectionate. Okay you can do that in West Hollywood and you still have to be careful. You never have to be careful if you're having a heterosexual relationship, you don't ever have to be careful where you hold hands, where you kiss, where you walk arm and arm--you never think of it. And then really having a life--what happened to my culture, what happened to my social life--I want more than the bar scene.
AE: Laughing Matters was the first film you ever directed, what was that experience like?
AM: I learned so much and there is a big difference between Laughing Matters and Laughing Matters…More! Anybody who has any knowledge of production quality will see there's a big difference. I'm really proud of both of them. I'm proud of the first one because I got it done not knowing what the hell I was doing.
AE: Did you want to make movies for a really long time?
AM: No, it was not that I wanted to make movies, it was that I wanted to make that movie and celebrate these out lesbian comics who have been doing it since day one. They got on that stage the first day they performed and came out and that was 25 years ago for Kate Clinton and I have to tell you to this day, that's really huge. That's a very courageous and commendable thing to do.
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