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AE:
When you were auditioning for The L Word were you out?
IL: Well, let me back up a little. I'm just going to
give you the whole thing on me.
When I was in high school, I had a best friend—I was 15—who fell in love with me and let's just say there was some intimacy, but I got really scared. Being from a Latin family and having these morals inflicted on you, I kind of pushed her away, I didn't know what to do. I ended the friendship and I kind of wanted to forget it. I remember going, ‘Oh my God, forgive me God!” and then, things happen for a reason.
I got the role on Buffy, and when I got it I didn't know where it was going. All I knew is that I was gay and I was flirting with Willow. That's all I knew. And after I auditioned, my manager said, ‘You know you're going to have to kiss a girl.' And I said, ‘Well it's a little late because I already auditioned so why are you even telling me?' (laughs).
And as the character evolved I had to do this bio. I went to an acting coach, because I realized when we did the “The Killer in Me” episode that she was much more substantial than I thought.
So I did this whole biography on her and had to figure out her history, her past. When did she realize she was gay? What was her first sexual experience? I had to do all of that work on Kennedy, and to do that I had to go into places in myself and unlock things that I probably wouldn't have ever done otherwise. And in that, I went, ‘Holy shit!' Now that I'm in my 20s I feel very confident in who I am. I don't feel suppressed by my family or like I have to be any which way. I just have to be true to me. I went, ‘You know what Iyari, if this is you, go figure it out and be true to who you are.'
So I have a lot of gay friends I started going to gay clubs, just hanging out, and nothing drew me. So I thought ‘This is great! At least I know I'm not gay, you know?' (laughs).
At that point, as I accumulated all of these gay friends, at one point I went out just to hang out with them and one of the girls that was in the group, I was really attracted to her. And before you know it we were hanging out, we went to Coachella together last year, and it was great, but we realized we were more friends than anything.
Then, at another club, the DJ—her name is Sandra—I really dug her. I loved how she was just in her own little world, and she was so cute and my friend knew her. I like androgyny. I love androgyny, androgynous women, you know, short hair, really don't have to wear a lot of make-up, pretty face, just cool and confident and know who they are. But for some reason, the really girly girls, with the long curly hair, always come up to me (laughs) and I always wonder, ‘Why don't the other ones like me?'
So I thought, Sandra's SO not into me. Finally one day I went up to her and started flirting with her. And that was it, we went home that night and my friend said, ‘Sandra just needs a distraction because her ex-girlfriend broke her heart and she's been broken up for a year.' And I thought, ‘Great! I'm her distraction. Beautiful! I love it!' (laughs).
I've dated a lot, but I'm really picky. I love people but I guess I didn't really want anything serious. And then we started going out the next day. I didn't want anything serious, she wanted a distraction. And before you know it one month goes by, two months go by, it's great.
Now it's been 10 months and she's great! She is great. We went to Mexico together last month. I was in Mexico and she flew down and we went to Las Vegas and had a great time. She's a DJ-–DJ Sandra Edge--and she's being flown in around the world to DJ.
AE: Well so much for my question about Buffy playing a part in your coming out process!
IL : (laughs) You know what, it did! I think I needed that. It came at the right moment and I think things happen for a reason, and that was one of them. And now I'll be having lunch or something and a girl will walk by and I'll be attracted to her and I'll be like ‘Oh my god! I'm totally checking out girls!' (laughs)
AE: Do you identify as lesbian or bisexual?
IL: I think on my way to Dinah Shore Weekend I was in the car and thought, you know what, I am bisexual. It totally became clear to me.
Because up to that point, I thought it's not that I'm gay or straight or bisexual. If I like somebody and I dig their energy and I get along with them, I'm going to be drawn to them and whatever body they're in I'm going to love that body they're in because I love that being. I have this connection with that being, because this is just a body that we're in. I feel like we're spiritual beings and this is our vehicle. I could love a woman, I could love a man, it's whoever I choose to be with in that moment.
AE: How has this been for you career-wise? Any changes in how people in the business treat you? Any pleasant surprises?
IL: (laughs) this is the first time I'm actually speaking about this openly, so--
AE: So this is a scoop!
IL: Yeah! Because people didn't need to know my private life. I like keeping it private. But at this point, I'm just so…
Okay.
This is another huge thing. I was married before.
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