I read a script review the other day for a movie in which Ben Affleck's character seduces a lesbian, who leaves him to go back to women in the end. Sounds familiar, right? Chasing Amy circa 1996?

We should be so lucky. This film, called Gigli (pronounced "Jeally") is set to be released in August 2003 and stars Ben Affleck as a hit man who teams up with Jennifer Lopez to kidnap a mentally challenged young man, and then falls in love with her.

Never mind that Lopez' character is a lesbian and spends a significant amount of screen time telling Affleck's character why lesbianism is so great - she still sleeps with him. But then he suggests a threesome with his friend Banky...oh no, wait. Now that was Chasing Amy. Cartoonist...hit man...cartoonist...hit man...it's easy to confuse these lesbian-seducing straight male characters, especially when they're always played by Ben Affleck.

Personal Injuries, directed and written by Dustin Hoffman, does not star Ben Affleck, but it is another upcoming film that uses this plot device. Production has yet to start and the female lead has not officially been cast, but Cameron Diaz has been named by a few sources as the most likely candidate.

The movie, based on Scott Turow's bestselling novel of the same name, revolves around the relationship between an ethically challenged attorney (Hoffman) and an undercover FBI agent (Diaz) as they try to take down a group of corrupt judges. In the novel, Diaz' character is sexually ambiguous, struggling with attraction to women, and described as "lonely, uncomfortable in her skin" but not clearly identified as a lesbian

The movie version, however, appears to have resolved this ambiguity. "I play a womanizing, corrupt lawyer who falls in love with a lesbian," Hoffman told Entertainment Weekly. While it's not yet clear how the movie version will end, Hoffman's character does sleep with Diaz' (cheating on his terminally ill wife - but maybe it isn't really cheating if you're sleeping with a lesbian).

There are several things wrong with this trend, which was started by Chasing Amy. First, it reinforces the tired old "lesbians just need to meet the right man" stereotype. In this case, the "right man" is a corrupt lawyer and a hit man (contrary to popular opinion, it appears lesbians aren't that picky, after all.)

Second, this plot device is designed to capture the purported gay dollar while satisfying the straight male fantasy of "converting" a lesbian. By making Lopez and Diaz' characters gay, the films improve their odds of at least some financial success (since who wouldn't go see a film with Lopez or Diaz making out with another woman, or even just talking about it?) and the filmmakers get to feel "liberal" and "cutting-edge" at the same time.

Third, has no one heard of bisexuality? The fundamental problem with these films is that these characters are bisexuals (say it with me, everyone: B-I-S-E-X-U-A-L-S) in lesbian clothing. It's like watching a movie in which everyone refers to turnips as twinkies, or bean bags as breakfast nooks. It's not only incorrect and disorienting, it adds more confusion to the already misunderstood difference between "lesbian" and "bisexual" sexual orientations.

News flash to heterosexual men: they're not the same thing. Making movies that pretend otherwise won't make it true.

We need more films that explore bisexuality in an honest and thoughtful manner, but not films like these that use bisexuality as just another obstacle for the male lead to overcome in his quest to Get The Girl - and then call it "lesbianism" on top of it.

Fortunately, Gigli has been getting such terrible reviews already (from script reviews and sneak screenings) that it seems unlikely to do well at the box office once word-of-mouth kicks in. Since Personal Injuries hasn't even started production, there are no evaluations of it yet available, but it probably stands a better chance than Gigli at box-office success as it is at least based on a well-known (and well-written) book. For every one film like this in production, however, there are probably two more lurking out there with the same pathetic storyline, just waiting to be produced.

It's almost enough to make a girl long for the resurrection of the man-hating lesbian stereotype.

August 2003 Update: The ending for Gigli was re-shot a few times since the original one tested so poorly with audiences. Didn't help--the movie was slaughtered by the critics and grossed only $3.8 million on opening weekend at the box office.