The
first rule in making a
film for lesbians is that every one MUST be a bad actor;
overacting is especially prized. If you're not convinced, just
watch a few minutes of Bar Girls or Better Than Chocolate.
An
exception to this rule is allowed once every ten years in order
to make movies like Treading
Water and When Night is Falling to keep lesbians
from giving up on the genre altogether.
The
second rule is that every lesbian-movie-for-lesbians must have
at least five minutes of show-stopping monologue or dialogue on
an Official Lesbian Cause for every five minutes of actual storyline
advancement.
If you took out all the cause-related dialogue from Go Fish,
for example, you'd only have a ten-minute movie. You know you're
trouble in the opening credits when one of the women, who is standing
in front of a chalkboard leading a discussion about famous lesbians
in history, launches into the following monologue:
"Throughout
Lesbian history, there has been a serious lack of evidence that
will tell us what these women's lives are truly about. Lesbian
lives and lesbian relationships, they barely exist on paper, and
it's with that in mind, and understanding the meaning and the
power, that we begin to want to change history."
Great
speech for a Women's Studies class - boring, condescending, and
unnecessary in a movie. Either the filmmakers feared they were too
stupid to create a movie that simply conveys this message alone
(without outright stating it), or they feared their viewers were
too stupid to get it if they did. Neither reason makes me want to
continue watching the film (although I did, since in 1994 this film
was, sadly, the only game in town).
Other
cause-riddled lesbian movies include It's in the Water
and Everything Relative - both of which are likable for
other reasons, but could have been so much better without the
preaching.
Favorite
Official Lesbian Causes include homophobia, racism, sexism,
feminism, vegetarianism, environmentalism, and, of course, the difficulty
of coming out.
Each
of these issues is extremely important, of course, and movies
can be a powerful tool in bringing attention to them - but only
when it's done subtly or sophisticatedly and actually advances
the plot instead of bringing it to a standstill. Examples of mainstream
films that address some of these issues without awkward, preachy
dialogue include:
-
Erin
Brockovich and A Civil Action (environment)
-
Love
and Basketball and Girlfight (sexism faced by
female atheletes)
-
Thelma
and Louise and The Accused (sexism and sexual
abuse)
-
Finding
Forrester and Glory (racism)
-
There
are a few lesbian films created for lesbian audiences that also
pull this off, such as All Over Me and Treading Water,
but they are too few and far between.
Clearly,
few lesbian writers/directors paid attention in high school
English class when the rule "Show, Don't
Tell" was explained. Of all mediums, film is
best designed to do just that, yet lesbian filmmakers and screenwriters
routinely ignore this basic rule in favor of scripts that have
"insert monologue on Official Lesbian Cause here" peppered
throughout.
It
used to be that we would watch these movies anyway, because we
didn't really have a choice - mainstream filmmakers either weren't
producing lesbian-themed movies, or they were doing so in a negative
way. So we set aside our viewing standards in exchange for the
ability to see positive images of ourselves on the big screen.
But
now more and more mainstream films with positive (or at least
neutral) lesbian themes are being produced that manage to avoid
overt lectures and still make a point. Movies like Gia,
Show Me Love, If
These Walls Could Talk 2, and Kissing
Jessica Stein, to name a few.
Since
most lesbian and bisexual women work for a living and therefore
only have time to see a few movies a month, we continually have
to make choices about which movies to see and which to skip.
Faced with the option of seeing a lesbian-themed movie that
treats us as if we have a moderate degree of intelligence or
one that doesn't, which one would you choose?
Which
means ultimately, economic necessity may force lesbian
filmmakers to learn this lesson - but by that time, there may
not be any viewers left to care.
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