Fact: If you’ve seen Joss Whedon‘s The Avengers, you are crazy about The Hulk. But you’re not as crazy about The Hulk as Angie Harmon is about The Hulk. Harmon wants to be The Hulk — or, well, his female counterpart: She-Hulk. A couple of days ago, Harmon tweeted a photo of herself getting into a smash-off with a sidewalk, and one of her followers did a quick manip and sent it back.
Photo courtesy of Angie Harmon’s Twitter
Later, Harmon told Entertainment Weekly that’s she’s jonesing to play She-Hulk so badly that she’s started texting her husband about it on the regular. And she’s got exactly zero problem with the costume:
“I would rock that like there is no tomorrow. I would kill that outfit. I’d put these 36Cs on display. Boom! And what about her libido? That’s my favorite part. She-Hulk, bed! She-Hulk, screw! Can you imagine? Then she just picks him up and throws him around the room like the Hulk did with the bad guy. [Makes smashing noises.] But apparently, she’s normal size.”
Thinking of She-Hulk made me think about a full-female Avengers film, and since Angie is already fantasy casting it, I thought I’d join in.
Photo credit: Avengers assembled from Getty Images, Avengers logo from Marvel
Harmon as She-Hulk? That’s settled.
Now onto America Ferrera, who will play Spider-Woman. Basically Spider-Woman got her powers because her college roommate convinced her to part of an “athletic study.” OK, and I don’t know if you’ve read the Traveling Pants books, but that is exactly the kind of bi-curious shenanigan Carmen would have gotten up to in college. I don’t care what Ann Brashares says; Carmen is a raging homosexual.
Then you’ve got Sarah Shahi as badass Bonita Juarez, a.k.a. Flamebird, a hero so nuclear-level hot she just causes shit to catch on fire and explode. (LIKE YOUR PANTS.)
Dianna Agron will be The Invisible Woman. She’s played that character for the entire third season of Glee. (With her powers, will she cross universes and destroy the evil drone Finn Hudson? Oh, indeed.)
Storm will, of course, be played by Bianca Lawson — and this time she’ll get to be a character who doesn’t get murdered!
Kristen Bell will take on the role of Jessica Jones, the hero who hung up her cape to start her own detective agency.
And finally, Troian Bellisario is Mockingbird. (See also: Mockingbird, to Kill a; and Radley, Boo.)
Tell me you wouldn’t pay ten dollars to see that in a theater! No, seriously, tell me if you wouldn’t see that movie so I can slap you in the face.