“America’s Next Top Model” Recap (18.9): A Caterpillar of Her Community

Last week!
Seymone got kicked off! Only two Americans left! Which would be a big deal if anyone in the viewing audience were rooting for a nation instead of for individual models! I have my suspicions about whether or not that is the case!

This week!
Live silkworms! A great big box of live silkworms! Hooray!

Modelland!
Alisha came out on top last week, which means the Brits have grabbing rights to the Giant Box of Hidden Treats of Shame. It is almost completely ignored. To hell with you, Hidden Treats of Shame! We don’t know what we ever saw in you!

Eboni is relieved to still be in Modelland after last week’s close call. “I really have to redeem myself,” she says in voiceover, and then we cut to her saying, “I just have to wear pony tails.” A good redemption tip for us all!

Did we know that Laura and Eboni are not pals, or did this just start? It seems like something that maybe was there but got edited out of earlier episodes and now we have to regroup. Anyway, Laura is not so much into Eboni and – Whoa! – says so right in front of her when Alisha asks about it. And then says it directly to Eboni. “You seem so vain sometimes it’s, like, sickening,” Laura elaborates. Well, that’s certainly a refreshing change. Say what you will, you cannot accuse Laura of talking behind Eboni’s back.

…Or at least not of exclusively talking behind Eboni’s back. Laura also imitates Eboni’s constant posing in the mirror for an interview, and then it looks like she sits down right next to Eboni and does a tight five minutes on the subject of Eboni’s vanity. Eboni calmly says she needs an example of her behavior, and Laura says she carries herself like she’s better than everyone else.

Annaliesie looks shocked by this in person (or at least the edit makes her look shocked – she could be reacting to anything) but agrees in an interview that Eboni spends quite a bit of quality time with the mirror. Annaliese does not, however, whip out the helpful infographics and flip charts that Laura seems to have prepared.

Nigel Arrives!
He has Chinese takeout! Annaliese runs lightly down the stairs with her arms straight at her sides and hands pointed out with her palms down. It’s somewhere between graceful fairy princess and super freaky. She also seems to be wearing something balanced on top of her eyelashes. Little white squares, one on each eyelid. Maybe she’s been collating papers and got some little sticky tabs stuck up there? I have no idea.

Nigel tells the models it’s all about the eyes (But is it about little thingies on the eyelids?) and Eboni says she likes hanging out with him. Laura says they’re all starting to bond with Nigel, and then he hands out giant fortune cookies and the models smash them on the table. Oh, snap – these are not random giant fortune cookies.

Catherine: “Beauty is ageless but not timeless.” Wait, isn’t that the reverse of what they’ve been saying about Catherine? Maybe it works better if you use the “in bed” rule.

Sophie: “Keep your friends close and the envious closer.” Sophie tries to figure out who is envious. As do we all. Alisha says nobody envies Sophie, because who wants to be stuck with pink hair? She does admit that Sophie seems to get a lot of great feedback, but believes that her time will come.

Annaliese: “You can talk the talk, but can you walk the walk?” Ooh, burn. Only on Top Model is this a controversy: Can an experienced television presenter possibly become a real model!?!

Laura: “A hard edge makes for smooth sailing.” I guess one of the producers likes Laura stirring things up. Or they were out of ideas, pot, and Fritos all at the same time.

Alisha: “It’s a long fall from the top.” Have we successfully rattled her? Yes. Sophie acknowledges that Alisha’s fortune cookie sucks.

Eboni: “For what you lack in maturity, you make up in youth.” Eboni punctuates this by sticking her tongue out.

Jeez. I guess it’s good that the producers got a chance to passive-aggressively vent their feelings. Maybe try journaling and hitting pillows with tennis rackets? Laura thinks Eboni’s fortune is funny because Eboni is immature. And then she smoothly sails off at about Mach 2.

But who cares about the buzzkill? They’re going to Macau! FREAKOUT! They’re going right now! (Well, “right” “now.”) Nigel yells at them to pack, pack, pack!

Sophie says they may like her look in Asia because she has big eyes. OK. I’m hoping Sophie knows things about the Asian fashion market that I don’t. Because otherwise I’m a little concerned that she doesn’t know that anime is a) not Chinese and b) not real. Sophie is too excited to pack and rolls around on the floor instead.

Catherine mentions that she came second in her season back in Britain. She hopes to do well and revitalize her career. Eboni is not thrilled about  being trapped for 15 hours with a plane with those other girls. She also notes that she doesn’t get along with Laura, and hopes to get to Macau so she can prove herself.

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