“America’s Next Top Model” Recap (18.5): Things Get Sticky

First casting at [Censored]! 

Blerg, the president of the company, greets the models and tells them to get into character and that she doesn’t care for swinging hips. Seymone says she’s got ‘em and they’re gonna swing. 

Kim likes Sophie’s confidence. Yay, faking it! 

Alisha says Kyle is atrocious and always looks scared, then bugs her eyes out in imitation. 

Ashley says she walked the straightest she’s ever walked, and really tried to glide. Blerg tells her that she’s not supposed to make normal human walking movements, she’s supposed to be a clothes hanger. Then she says Ashley was “hippy.” Charming. 

Say, Blerg, isn’t the idea that models should be nonhuman hangers that allow clothes to drop straight down with no hips or breasts to get in the way a big contributor to the pervasive problem with eating disorders in the industry, not to mention the way they are routinely used and cast aside just like coat hangers? Guess which recapper just went back and took out both your name and your company’s name. No free product placement for you, Blerg! 

Kyle, Laura, and Sophie book! That puts them tied for the lead at one. Blerg tells them to show up early to practice. Sophie is happy and feels a confidence boost. 

Seymone says she doesn’t want to go watch the show if she’s not in it. Because what could a modeling contestant learn from a fashion show? Annaliese describes Seymone as had work, like babysitting a 5-year-old. 

Second casting for the Toronto Start-Up Show! 

I have no idea what that means, but there are six designers there. Plus a casting director named Hans

Catherine doesn’t care for Laura’s walk and says she moves like she has something stuck up her bum. I’m sorry, Catherine, who’s booked something so far? I see. Maybe you should look into suppositories. 

Annaliese interviews that it was good to knock six designers down at once. We cut to her admitting that she’s only 5’7”, but says she makes up for it in personality. The designers like her. 

AzMarie, Annaliesse, Alisha, Sophie, and Ebonie all get held, which I guess means booked. 

AzMarie has booked two so far we see a designer say she’s going to close the show and she gives a fist pump. Sophie has booked three. Alisha books two and has a hot walk. Eboni books four shows off of those six designers. Dang. Well played, Eboni. 

Eboni interviews about her rough childhood, saying she lived with her grandma and slept on an air mattress in the attic. While she says this, she is completely undercut by footage of her modeling anklets that seem to be made out of matchbooks that were spray-painted gold and strung together. 

Catherine and Seymone and Ashley have not been booked and they are in the Bummer Corner. Catherine says they need to stay positive. 

Third casting at Attitude Jay Manuel! 

Alisha says what a great honor it would be to be in the show. AzMarie models a white suit, and heavens to Betsey, does she look fantastic in it. 

Jay says he really wants to use Seymone, but her walk is weak. 

Catherine models a black and white suit that doesn’t work for her nearly as well as certain other suits I can mention. AzMarie says Catherine kind of looks like a penguin. 

Ashley is incredibly nervous (and adorable) and describes her own walk as “Bambi on ice.” She doesn’t think she did well and she gets the wacky music. Oh, dear. 

Laura, Kyle, AzMarie, and Sophie all get booked. Catherine mentions that the smile-and-clap is a little hard when she didn’t get anything. 

Seymone says “I tried, didn’t get it, didn’t care,” which is really some can-do spirit. 

Sophie and Eboni are tied at four bookings each. Now they have to walk in shows. 

Oh, good lord, the models actually have to ride buses back segregated by their country or origin. The Brits don’t care for Seymone, and think she is cracking. Alisha points out that a positive attitude might be nice. 

Sophie is stoked for being a real model. Time to rehearse for Blerg! The runway director coaches Laura, Kyle, and Sophie. Laura says her walk fell apart when the nerves hit. Kyle and Laura get cut from the show for their lack of experience and confidence. Blerg: “You can wreck the show.” Wouldn’t you like to have her over for dinner? 

Laura says she feels numb over getting cut, and she’s afraid of getting sent home. 

Fashion show!

Mr. Jay gives the models a pep talk. “We’ve never done this in the history of Top Model. We’ve never been at a real live fashion week.” My friend Sheila, sitting next to me and watching the show for the first time ever, leans over and says “Um, isn’t he pointing out that this show doesn’t really do much for the models?” That’s just the kind of thinking that gets you kicked off the show, Sheila. Shape up or you’ll have to take a road trip challenge in a Smart car with Blerg. 

Laura doesn’t like it that she got cut, but says it was a lesson and vows to get better and not let the pressure rattle her. Seymone is in a bad mood. Laura points out that part of modeling is going to castings and getting rejected over and over, and points out that she should get over it. Wow, Laura is getting the PracticalVoice of Reason edit this episode. Good. 

Jay talks to Seymone about sulking and tells her to buck the hell up and smile and try to impress. Seymone says Jay gave her words of encouragement, which he didn’t quite, but anyway, she plans to kick butt. 

Sophie walks and looks so good that she makes me type an unprintable sentence. AzMarie is no slouch either. She’s proud to be closing a show and manages to pull off some tricky steampunk goggles. 

Sophie notes that Eboni makes a terribly serious face while she walks, like she’s getting inducted into the Supreme Court or made Ambassador to All of Explored Space. Catherine wishes she was up there because she loves catwalk so much. 

Sophie walks for Blerg’s company, the only Top Model contestant left in the bunch. She hopes this makes her stand out and that AzMarie finally thinks of her as real competition. Blerg smiles at Sophie and then bites the head off a live ferret. 

Jay Manuel has dressed AzMarie in a fuchsia and white striped tank, a maxi skirt, and some giant feathered earrings that would make Mr. T tell you to go for a little more classic subtlety. 

To her credit as a competitor, AzMarie lies like a poorly dressed bearskin rug and says that, yes, she loves Jay’s creations and would definitely wear them “on a regular basis.” Let’s not forget that Pluto passing through its closest point to the sun is also something that could be described as happening on a regular basis. 

Jay’s show also uses several of the Rhoda Morgenstern head scarves from Makeover Week in his show, one of them using the Azalea Commando pattern from earlier. 

Ashley adorables that she loved his show and and his clothes and wishes she’d been picked, saying, “I’m not asking much. I just want you to let me walk in your show, for God’s sake.”

Jay, making his savvy face, says that all of the international fashion editors were there, so the rush of the show is a big deal for the girls who, um, got to be in one. Annaliese says her confidence is way up. 

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