“America’s Next Top Model” Recap (18.2): Mommie Careerist

Seymone, the lone voice of reason, is nervous because she doesn’t want to come off as a grown woman dressed like a child. Unfortunately, Seymone is on America’s Next Top Model, and dignity will get her nowhere.

Some genius has given Ashley and Sophia a camera and the two of them offer a running commentary on the shoot, which I hope they do always and forever. Ashley

Some genius has given Ashley and Sophia a camera and the two of them offer a running commentary on the shoot, which I hope they do always and forever. Ashley starts screwing with Sophia and says she doesn’t want Seymone to leave because Seymone said Ashley was her favorite Brit, and then when Sophia whips her head around in shock, Ashley quickly says, “And so did Kyle, and so did Candace…” and makes it through like two more names before Sophia finally catches on. It’s delightful.

Kyle and Mariah look alike and Mariah is boring.

Laura, Sophie, and Catherine pose together. The Brits want to team up on Laura, but she foils them by leaning upside-down over the edge of her crib and looking completely insane.

Eboni and Candace pose together, and, wow, Eboni really does have a big burn mark on her cheek. Hang in there, girly.

Ashley and Sophia awesomely imitate Candace’s constant pouty pose on the count of three. Please, please keep them on the air forever.

Laura tries to play the tough bitch again and revels in Eboni’s cheek burn. Charming.

(Hey, Laura? Come here for a minute. I know it’s not fair and it’s not something that gets imposed on the straight chicks in the contest, but you are representing the LGBT community here. Do you want more complex and interesting bi characters in TV and movies, or do you want more mindless sex toys and ice pick murderers? Shape the hell up.

Also, a quick reminder: Friendly to everyone is kind of the whole bisexual deal.)

Ashley and AzMarie pose together and Ashley says “I have to bring it” in her fabulous accent. She also charmingly attempts a baseball metaphor but isn’t sure how many strikes you get. Which is not a criticism. I am not for a moment suggesting that any of the Americans could complete a cricket metaphor.

Ashley generously notes that AzMarie is gorgeous, and says all the girls think AzMarie is going to go far. I’m wondering if they meant the modeling contest.

Louise and Alisha patiently pose while J*enner holds spoons of baby food at them, and is way more interested in her face and the camera than what’s going on with the food and the spoons and other human beings’ mouths. So probably just like how it was when her kids were little.

Louise says the shoot was hard because she was starstruck over Kirs J*nner. RAISE THE BAR, LOUISE.

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5

Tags: , , ,