“America’s Next Top Model” Recap (18.11): Don’t Rub That Bottle

 
 

Time for a Van Ride!
Sophie is worried that Laura is ahead with the judges. She says that America is so big that it’s worldwide, so if you make it there, you’ve made it all over the world. It’s almost like if you can make it there, you’ll make it anywhere. Sophie complains that if you’ve made it in England, you’ve only made it in England. Anyway, she wants to make it somewhere.

They get to Hong Kong and take the Star Ferry across the harbor. Oh, sweet heaven, Legendary PR Maven Kelly Cutrone is there! Are they crazy? I have worked on ships; having her on board is definitely bad luck.

Annaliese reminds us that LPRMKC hates her. Which puts Annaliese in good company, as LPRMKC is continuing with her delightful personal public relations tactic of making a constant sourface as though the very sun, moon, and stars just brought her a pizza with the wrong toppings on it.

LPRMKC says that the models will be working with the most talented designers in Hong Kong. I will note that “talented” is one of those squishy adjectives that is impossible to really pin down. Lucky them. LPRMKC also announces that the models will receive 1,000 Hong Kong Dollars for each go-see they book. LPRMKC says the models can win up to 4,000 HKD, which is about – sad trombone slide – $500. (She is correct.)

Annaliese likes the fact that there is cash on the line, and that go-sees are an actual real-world things that models have to do, and are thus a good indication of how well one would do if she were plunked down into the world of modeling. Fair enough.

Oh, good gravy. LPRMKC has some insane self-branding thing where she calls herself a “Power Girl.” I bet it took a while to stop accidentally saying “Puff.” She says, “When Power Girls like to travel, we like to roll with some hot dudes.” I do so enjoy it when people manage to be objectifying and heterosexist in the same breath.

Long story short, the models get to choose from three of the top male models in Hong Kong to help them get around. Boo! In most cycles, the fun of Go-See Week is that a) it just happens one damn time and b) the models frantically rush around and cannot use public transportation and many of them become hopelessly lost in foreign cities, eventually giving up hope of rescue and taking up quiet lives of fishing and/or bank robbery.

LPRMKC Calls the male models Bachelors Number 1, 2, and 3. I’m glad she emphasized their singleness. The raw chemistry in the room could eventually melt ice cream, assuming it was left to stand there long enough.

Laura gets first pick, then Sophie, then Annaliese. Laura picks Stylas, Sophie picks Xeno, and Annaliese gets David. (I think those are their names. The poor guys don’t even get captions like everybody else. If only they knew some sort of public relations expert.) David immediately spoils the fun by giving the cab driver clear directions in Cantonese instead of failing to read a map, bursting into tears, and asking random strangers for directions. He quizzes Annaliese on how to say “Hi, how are you?” in Cantonese, and she seems to make him uncomfortable by nailing it. He seems a little embarrassed by the whole thing. Can you blame him?

Sophie shows her date the fist-bump and explosion handshake, which he doesn’t believe is real. She giggles appealingly, then says she really, really, really wants to win. Xeno says she will. Sophie interviews that she knows she’s a booker and wants to impress Kelly Cutrone. Don’t we all? Sophie says that the real world of modeling is going out there to go-sees and castings every single day. She’s quite serious under all the cute.

Hong Kong!
William Tan, standing in his own shop, adorably explains to Sophie that he’s a designer from Hong Kong. Sophie looks gorgeous in a coral draped gown. She poses for Tan and can’t tell if he likes her. He says she can try on anything with her figure.

Laura recaps the competition and points out that she might work with these people in the future, so doing a crap job is out. She looks good in a champagne gown, but Tan critiques Laura’s walk, and says she’s unstable. (Her walk.) (I think.)

If Laura’s walk is really so bad, this cycle is a criminal under-use of Miss J. Alexander. Whipping runway walks into shape is his whole deal, remember, Tyra? No, you’re right: Just have him stand there for no reason on kung fu day. Laura can tell she got dinged on her walk and is bummed out.

Annaliese also hits William Tan, and he puts her in scarlet, which is a good choice because it looks amazing on her. Annaliese cannily points out that she has the advantage of standing out in the trio, not to mention a beautiful chocolate complexion. Tan says she has flair. He loves her.

Oh, Sophie goes to House of Siren to see the quite possibly mad and definitely part wood-gnome Gregory Derham. He immediately loves Sophie and dresses her as Marie Antoinette. Kazam! It’s unhinged and fantastic. Sophie loves it and he loves it and we have just gotten to see a very special meeting of the souls. I hope they got to talk later. If they did, I bet it was adorably loony.

Annaliese is at Henry Lau in a crazy print halter dress. I am not crazy about crazy print halter dresses. What good do they do anyone? Case in point: On this show, you see three crazy print halter dresses on three beautiful women, and each time you immediately think for a second that you’ve just run into your great-aunt Ruby at the beach. Lau gives Annaliese a lot of direction (“More cool. A little bit sexy and romantic.”) and has her walk three different times, each time with open dissatisfaction. Annaliese knows he’s not into her, but she bucks up and is good-natured about it with her date. Her goal is to book three, so she knows that she needs to bring it to the next two, because Henry Lau is a definite no-go.

Lau says he won’t book Annaliese because he needs some cool girls who are sexy and straightforward. Ouch.

Sophie is nervous about these go-sees, and promises to do her date proud at each of them, more to buck herself up and have something to say than anything else. It’s awkward and endearing.

Laura is still petrified about her walk.

Commercials!
The CW is advertising a special that features Perez Hilton and Katy Perry. If that Mayan prophecy kicks in before it can air, I will consider it totally worth it.

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