“America’s Next Top Model” mini-cap: Little divas

Was it just me (or the alcohol I was drinking) or was Tyra’s crazy switch not flipped this week on America’s Next Top Model? I suppose there were enough highs and lows from all the other girls to make up for it.

Once again, the episode started with Bianca lamenting her placement in the bottom two. Everyone else, including me, thought Bianca should have gone home instead of the hotness that is Courtney. She vowed to make this week a better one.

Nicole couldn’t help but notice that Ashley and Lulu were turning into a bunch of haters — always ready to criticize everyone but themselves, which never bodes well for contestants on this show. What has boggled my mind for the past couple of episodes was how much it seemed like she has been hanging with those two.

The highlight of the show came early when Ms. Jay and a fierce little girl named Diva Davanna (no, I’m not even kidding about her name) took to the catwalk together and showed the girls how to work it, twerk it and smize it like they’ve never seen before. I mean, if your name is Diva, you better bring it — and oh, was it ever broughten. After the episode aired, I’d wager that drag queens from all around the world are ran out to get their names legally changed to Diva Davanna.

The moral of the story was that it doesn’t matter how tall you are or small you are — you need to own the runway like it’s yours.

The girls then each took turns taking to the runway to show what they’ve got. Brittany gave Ms. Jay some sexy and he was feelin’ it. Ashley was still walking like a dancer. Our country bumpkin Laura told us she always like to practice her walk in the frozen food aisle at Walmart — possibly while hanging out with these people.

After their solos, the girls get paired together and had to practice walking with a partner. I smelled future challenge!

Back at home, Bianca was upset thinking about Courtney being sent home. Sundai told her not to waste her tears because Courtney wasn’t a true friend to her anyway. Bianca was stunned to find out she was being talked about behind her back. To add insult to injury, Ashley then bombarded her with some nastiness about walking around with her eyebrows raised- which was really pretty uncalled for. I mean the girl just found out the hot girl in the house didn’t really like her.

Soon after it was time for me to play my drinking game — every time there’s “Tyra Mail” and the girls start screaming, it’s time to drink so as to numb the pain of listening to the girls shriek for no reason. “TYRA MAIL!! If you don’t walk tall you will fall short.”

In preparation for their next challenge, Brittany decided to practice her walk. Ashley and Lulu were “helping” Brittany by giving her criticism but came off as more critical. They are totally the mean girls of this cycle and I expected more from Ms. Lulu.
Designer Kevan Hall dressed the ladies in his fashions and their challenge was to walk the catwalk with taller models. Seventeen magazine’s editor in chief, Ann Shoket, made her first appearance of the season.

The runway was a gorgeous mansion/beach setting. It looked like they were doing a “Take your kid to work day”. Brittany was fierce, Lulu did a pageant walk and didn’t stand out at all with her performance. It seemed as though she needed a cup of coffee. Nicole stands out no matter what.

Ann said Bianca’s walk had strength but she needed to lighten up. Brittany won the challenge and the prize was a spread in Seventeen. She got to pick two friends to accompany her and she chose Kara and Laura who told us she loves to read the magazine, probably at Walmart, while she walks down the frozen food aisle.

In an unexpected turn, Nicole ends up being the psychologist of the house. She is so sweet and nurturing. She saw that Bianca was holding everything inside and actually got her to confide in her. I can totally picture Nicole as a therapist in her later years — a fashionable, thin woman with gray hair peeking through her red mane as she sits in her pleated pants and button-down top with a shawl draped over her shoulder. Anywho, Lulu and Ashley are judgy mcjudgertons and can’t stop their hatin’.

“TYYYYYRA MAIL!” Everybody take a drink! Poor Laura had to stand there shivering in her towel as the next challenge was announced. The photoshoot was to take place in a spot that looked like the set of Fight Club. Jay Manual told the ladies they would be playing with proportions so they can look longer.

Once again, Lulu was pointing out the flaws in other people, even though she didn’t bring anything to the shoot herself. Jennifer looked amazing and girl got her eye right! Nicole did an amazing job as per usual and took direction really well. Sundai was cute. Erin did a great job again. Bianca was still having some issues getting her vulnerability out. Finally, Jay asked her to think about what warms her heart. It was Jesus to the rescue again! He warmed Bianca’s heart, Jay Manual warms my heart!

Lulu kept saying Brittany wasn’t her favorite. This usually means Brittany would win the competition. Lulu said she wasn’t worried about going home. That usually means, “Don’t let the door hit ya on the way out!”

The guest judge for the evening was someone I had never heard of before, Jaime Rishar, a petite model.

Erin did really well again. Bianca didn’t look big but she did look soft. All of Ty Ty’s normal crazy was gone with the exception of her shirt at panel — if she thought it was cute, she’s crazy. Brittany was smizing but she looked super short. Sundai did really well in her pictures. Laura looked kind of like an Olsen Twin posing for a Gossip Girl ad campaign after a three day binge.

Jennifer hid her ptosis (thank you AfterEllen.com reader Gustav Christoff for the real spelling) really well. Nicole did such an amazing job they called her “Anna Wintour‘s next new model.”

The best photo of the week went to Kara, which was kind of a WTF moment for me.

The bottom two belonged to Lulu and Brittany. I had a hard time believing Brittany’s picture was worse than Ashley’s, but whatever. In the end, it was our one and only gal pal, Lulu, who was sent packing.

While I’m sad to see her go, she was concentrating too much on other people in the house when she should have been focusing on herself.