“America’s Next Top Model: All-Stars” recap: Some girls are more “Bad” while others are ready to “Beat It”

The next morning, the girls are ready to get the hell out of the house and into the fresh air. Miss J. meets them at the Santa Monica pier and is wearing the most ridiculous outfit I’ve ever seen. As Bre says, “I feel like he was missing some panties and a lot of other things.”

The girls are going to be doing a whole show on a carousel ride and they’ll be modeling the Kardashian Kollection, which everyone thinks is so exciting and so great and impressive. The winner gets to take some of the clothes home with them. What the winner (and the losers) should do is go home and make a sex tape with another D-List celebrity so that they can show up as guest stars with their own fashion lines. That reminds me, I need to work on my reel.

Come show time, Lisa does a great job, Allison almost falls off, Angelea has some issues getting off of the carousel and gets a little too 716 in the house. Miss J. says Angelea reminds him of someone’s alcoholic aunt.

Bre killed it. She looked super fierce and did a little twirl to get off of the moving parts seamlessly. Alexandria gives me a bit of a gay vibe, anyone else?

Bianca did pretty much nothing and got to the end of the catwalk with dead eyes.

In the end, it was Bre and Lisa tying for first prize. Miss Jay ends up calling Bianca out in front of everyone and Bianca breaks down into tears saying she’s taking crap from “The Christian,” from “The Crazy Head” and she works harder than anyone else there. She is out of her GD mind thinking she’s working harder than everyone there.

At home, Bianca just can’t keep it together and is thinking about backing out. Bre overhears the other girls talking in the kitchen about how Bianca should just leave if she is going to keep going off and being irrational, so she runs and tells her BFF who tries to pump her up into staying longer and showing these bitches that she doesn’t run. Again, this entire thing has got to be a big hormonal nightmare because I don’t get what they’re fighting about.

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