“America’s Next Top Model: All-Stars” recap: “If Bitch Is Your Brand You Can Succeed In Reality Television”

Lisa is the first one up for her team and Mario did some of the best acting of his career when his question was based around her getting a lot of press after her cycle of ANTM. She answered it in what I would consider a very “Lisa” type of way, which speaks to her brand in my eyes but apparently it wasn’t good enough for whoever is in charge of the sound effects.

Isis goes next and the subject of her transition is, of course, the topic of conversation. Am I wrong about feeling as though they’re trying to throw a certain brand on Isis? Homegirl just wants to sell her positive message, her drive to succeed and some of her homegrown fashion. We get it, she was born different, now let’s move on to her pictures and talent as a model. There’s no need to pat yourself too hard on the back for having her there, TyTy. Isis answers well, but I’m honestly not even sure what she could’ve said to be given a whammy.

Lisa, trying to be the team leader, started giving everyone high-fives for their answers. This annoyed Nigel, Mario and most of the girls on her team, but the worst part was when she stepped in on Alex’s turn to answer a question from the audience about being a bitch.

Kayla got a question from the audience about not wanting to be photographed being all romantic with a male model. We see a flashback and hear her crying about not wanting to kiss the dude but I didn’t see the actual show to know if she really had to kiss him or fake kiss him. There’s a big difference, and I learned that from Pretty Woman. She ended up giving a satisfactory answer to whoever controls the buzzer though so that’s good!

Nigel comes out to share his feelings about the challenge, and immediately Lisa is called out for talking over someone else’s turn and giving high fives. Angelea didn’t sell her brand of awesome hood-ness to Nigel, she was too boring and forgettable. To her credit, she was trying to be professional, as though it were a job interview. Let’s be honest. For job interviews, especially when you’re a model but definitely for anywhere else, you need to think of your client’s brand first and how you fit into that client’s brand second.

As for Team 2, Bianca talked about vomit too much. Allison was great and on-point, Kayla was eloquent and represented her brand well but was told there isn’t just one word or one facet to her brand. Once again, I am getting confused and just like I don’t take job advice from Ashlee Simpson, I don’t think I’m going to start taking branding advice from America’s Next Top Model.

The team challenge winner is: number two! The overall winner is: Allison. See, here’s the deal. I could see Allison’s answer as being the best and I can see how she’s a great model. I do not see her shooting the breeze with Mario Lopez or interviewing anyone about the latest Kardashian scandal. She’s psyched about it though and I’m happy for her.

On the way back home, Alexandria starts talking about how she needs to embrace her toughness. Are there any Days of Our Lives fans out there? Her new look is making me think of Nicole, the one who tried to kidnap Cydney. (My girlfriend makes me watch, I swear).  Angelea tells her she doesn’t need to act any which way and is visibly upset. Even though I am not a big fan, I can understand why she’d be upset about getting called out for being too professional during her interview. The mixed messages are making my brain feel like my cat licked it and coughed it back up as a hairball.

Kayla weighs in and says Angelea needs a check up from the neck up, sometimes she’s too mean and unpredictable to be a co-host on Extra. She ends up being proven correct in the next shot where Angelea “acts all hood” while saying she’s not gonna act like a hood bitch just because that’s who they expect her to be. “I know how to work myself, bitch,” is not a line-listed item you add to your resume. She’s all, “You want hood, bitch, watch,” and I’m not even sure who she’s talking to because all of the other models seem to be keeping their mouths shut in order for her to put the nail in her own coffin.

Later that night, Tyra Mail comes and references some long legs. Immediately, most of the models think of spiders. Some get freaked by it, but Allison would be loving life if that were the challenge

When the girls finally find out what they’ll be doing, everyone looks shocked but Bianca looks terrified. The girls will be doing this challenge on cankle-stilts. I have problems with kitten heels so this looks more painful to me than sitting through a movie starring Larry the Cable Guy.

Each girl is paired with someone from the other team for this challenge and the photographer is Sarah Silver, who took some photos during Angelea’s cycle. She wants them to be fashion models and really “go there.” 

Bianca is afraid of heights and is trying to wrap her head around being on the stilts. Lisa ends up being her partner and is trying to psych her up for being badass because it’s Lisa’s head on the chopping block.

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