“America’s Next Top Model: All-Stars” recap: “CSI: Crimes of Passion”? No, “Crimes of Fashion”


Back from break, Alexandria decides to play a socialite and Jay says she looks more like a madame. She needs to be more “ballsy.” Camille says she doesn’t think they would want to hire a 33-year-old, so she has to bring her A-game. Unfortunately, she underserves.

Lisa comes into the shoot trying to psych up her male models and tell them how cool she is. She ends up flailing everywhere and it seems more lukewarm than cool.

After the shoot, the girls get frisky; Kayla won’t stop talking about her emergency room visit; Camille is upset because she doesn’t feel like she has the time the other girls do to achieve their dreams; and Lisa starts blaming the guys and their lack of energy for how awkward her shoot was.

Back at the elimination panel, Andre, Nigel and and Mr. Zuiker will be doing the judging with Tyra. This does not bode well for Lisa.

Laura is up first, and her grandma Wanda Sue has really stepped it up with her dress! Her picture is great. Totally flirty and pretty.

Kayla’s picture is awesome and she’s definitely the cool chick. She even looks hot with that animal hat on.

Dominique did awful at the CSI challenge, but totally rocked her photo shoot according to the judges. I’m sorry but I didn’t really see her as the cool chick, I saw her more as a cougar socialite, but OK.

Bre’s picture was very flirty, I think I may have seen her playing a little pocket pool with one of the models, if you know what I’m sayin’. Nigel didn’t really like it though.

Alexandria didn’t really do it for them. They say she needs to remember her customer. Now, is it just me, or has her entire tone changed ever since she got that haircut? I was serious when I said I think she may have just been pissy that whole time because she had a bad hairdo.

Allison goes next and she really works it. Nigel says he loves that she’s so awkward in person but she does a great job on film. Camille had a hard time engaging everyone.

When it’s Lisa’s turn to be judged, she does a backwards moonwalk and is wearing on her head what looks like the crocheted toilet paper cozy my grandma used to have in the bathroom.

They ask her what happened in her CSI challenge to make her flub it so hard. She says she felt like she just didn’t have enough time and she was the last one to go, so the script was already out of her hands for an hour and a half. She does have a point there, if that was the case. I have a hard time remembering things I wrote, said, ate or thought five minutes ago.

Her Express shot came out nicely I thought, but Andre isn’t feeling the happiness from it. She says the boys were starving and grumpy. Tyra says she should’ve thrown down. Seriously, I don’t know what they didn’t like about this picture:

Bianca failed as a flirt and Shannon apparently did a nice job, but I fell asleep looking at her shot.

Angelea did a great job with her shot and with learning her lines. She impressed everyone this week.

 Tyra says, “Eleven beautiful ladies stand before me, but I only have ten photos.” The winner of the challenge was “Haaaay, hallelujah” Angelea. She nailed it, and while her very high opinion of herself sometimes annoys the hell out of me, she always keeps it real.

The bottom three for the night were Alexandria, who came in third, Lisa and Camille. Tyra says Lisa and Camille are polar opposites and that some might say Lisa is out of control while Camille is in control. I haven’t really seen Lisa out of control, aside from some of the outfits she’s chosen to wear. Tyra says the one commonality they shared were excuses in this week’s challenges.

In the end, Lisa’s time at Top Model is extended and Camille is sent home to handle her bills.

Next week, they send in the clowns with the Kardashian sisters and Latoya Jackson joining the girls at what appears to be a carnival. And finally, it looks like some drama enters the house. I don’t know what it is about this season but it is more tame than a PBS special on Amish furniture making. Where is my Ty Ty of yore? Where are the crazy faces and the bizarre interactions and weird role playing that I’m used to? After so many cycles, why class it up?

How are the rest of you holding up this cycle?

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