“American Horror Story” recap (3.10): Players only love you when they’re playing


But it isn’t all sunshine and lollipops; upstairs, Madison is stewing in jealousy over Misty’s celebrity guest (forgetting, apparently, that she herself is a celebrity). She announces her plan to challenge Misty to the Seven Wonders. Nan also wants to throw her hat in the ring, but no one seems to take her aspirations very seriously.

Back with the grown-ups, Fiona and Marie cast a spell to punish Witch Hunters Inc.. Cordelia desperately wants to make herself useful, but Fiona orders her out of the room so she can be alone with Marie and her shapely arms superior magic. They build (or possibly have lying around?) a giant maze, which they surround with stack of money and into which they release several mice. In whatever magical way, this causes Lumberjack Senior’s office to be invaded by FBI agents.

AHS10.4Still more effective than current Wall Street regulators.

But all the magic is too much much for the cancer-weakened Fiona, who collapses. Marie tends to her and Fiona begs for the secret to immortality. Marie, surprisingly, tells Fiona not only of her relationship to Papa Legba, but of her first and most painful sacrifice to him: her own child. Since playing on her maternal instincts is never a good bet with Fiona, this tale does not have the deterring effect Marie might have predicted.

Out in the streets, we catch a glimpse of a funeral second line, which is one of the most beautiful ways to mourn death and celebrate life in the world, and if you ever get the chance to see one, consider it an honor. However, I deeply hope you will have better manners than Misty and Madison, who walk in the back of the line, munching on shis kabobs and chatting loudly.

AHS10.5I’m contractually obligated to document it when two women’s faces are this close together.

The real purpose of this outing is for Madison to get under Misty’s skin. NO, NOT LIKE THAT, YOU FILTHIES. Madison proves that she is as powerful as Misty by taking her to a graveyard and bringing one of the corpses back to life. Then, in very short order, Madison knocks her Misty unconscious and deposits her in the casket.


Man, I really hope she busts out of thing soon.

And now for the Nan-Luke-Patti LuPone plotline, which is the narrative equivalent of a hangnail. When Nan finds out that Luke is dead, she is not unduly distraught, since she can always reanimate his corpse and FINALLY get the make-out sesh she so richly deserves. But when she learns that his mother cremated his remains, that’s when her dark side comes out. Using her newly acquired power of mind control, she forces Ms. LuPone to drink bleach. I’m torn about this development because on the one hand, I find this plotline boring and directionless, but on the other, if she is really dead, then this was the most egregious squandering of a talented actor since the last episode of Glee.

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