“American Horror Story: Asylum” recap: Satan, Satan, Bo-Batan, Bananafana, Fo-Fatan (2.10)

Meanwhile, out in the forbidden forest, Satan skips merrily along the path to meet up with Dr. Arden, who is taking her liaison with the Monsignor very personally. So much so in fact, that he shoots all of his precious mutants.

“Poor lil fella doesn’t even want to play with his monsters anymore.”

While he’s off doing this, Thredyface goes through his office in search of veritaserum, but instead finds Grace, who is going into labor, with Pepper supervising. Thredson decides to turn the situation to his advantage and coerce Kit into telling him where the audio tape is.

Upstairs the Monsignor is plotting Sister Satan’s demise, but his mind is open to her since she de-virginized him (God is really strict about shit like that). She actually finds the whole lust for blood kind of a turn-on but before their relationship can take an even darker turn, the real Mary Eunice makes a brief appearance and begs to be put out of her misery. The Monsignor obliges by throwing her over the balcony with surprising strength for a guy who was just nailed to a cross. When she lands, about half an hour later, the angel of death shows up to whisk both her and her dark passenger off to heaven or hell or wherever, robbing the show of its best character.

“You can take my life…but please…don’t take…my jukebox.”

When Kit inevitably folds and tells Thredson the location of the tape, only to find that Lana has replaced it with a copy of “See Spot Jump.”

“See Dick. See Dick beg Jane for mercy.”

When Thredson threatens her, she assures him that if he attempts to mess with her, Kit, or any other living creature, she’ll make sure the tape finds its way to the police because “I’m goddamn plucky, remember?”  Now, “plucky” is something of a watchword with me; I use it in my book and my Bomb Girls recap, and it is the quality I like most in Lana. Because you can’t always be the prettiest or the smartest or right in everything you do, but by God you can stick your chin out and tell the world “just try and stop me.”

Sistah Jude embodies this philosophy when she pulls the last shreds of her sanity together and implores her Mother Superior to rescue Lana from Briarcliff, that she might rescue us all.

Finally, Dr. Arden prepares Mary Eunice’s body for cremation, then straddles it and rides into the furnace on top of her.  And for the only time in the history of his character, I’m on board.

“Happy trails, ya filthy animal.”

See you next week as we approach the thrilling finale.  I wonder how many more rape scenes there will be.

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