“All My Children” recap (May 27-31): You’re Gonna Love Me

Opal, looking fine as ever also tells Dr. David to shove it. Dr. David tells her that he will be the savior of Cortlandt Electronics. What I love about David is that he is genuinely perplexed as to why everyone hates him. “One day, everyone in Pine Valley is going to love me,” he says to his tear soaked pillow, night after night, the Dreamgirls soundtrack softly playing in the background. Or at least, that’s what I imagine he does. 

Pete, who was recently granted his wish to become a real boy, is still in New York City with Celia. They are having a grand time, catching matinees of Mama Mia, shopping for matching Swatches, eating Magnolia Cupcakes, and not having sex. Celia thinks that she might be in love with Pete and it appears they may seal the deal, until she has a hallucination of some middle aged guy in the corner. 

Cassandra is still being horrifyingly abused and I want this storyline to end so badly. It’s really violent and the traffickers keep roughing her up every chance they get. It’s possibly my least favorite storyline in soap history, and I lived through Marlena’s possession storyline on Days of Our Lives.   Someone quick, get John Black to exorcise this plot. And while you’re at it, get me a Martimmy. 

Cara and JR are getting closer, doing PT together at the Chandler House. He seems to have found a friend in her, and she is keeping him close since he knows about the very much alive little child that she is keeping from David. JR also happens to find AJ’s steroids, which he claims he had chosen not to use anyway. AJ yells at JR and storms out. Must be Wednesday.

Miranda and AJ head to Jane’s Addiction for lattes and awkward sexual tension. Unfortunately Hunter is there with his cronies. Miranda tries to sit with a group of mean girls who blow her off, and have obviously sided with Hunter. Also, they found out Miranda wore sweatpants once. Heather, a random girl and friend of Celia’s from Bramwell Hall, calls Miranda over and tries to be friendly with her.  Maybe Miranda has finally found a true ally. Oh joy.  

Zach and Lea, manage to unlock some clues, in between lobbing insults at one another. They find a hidden video of Cassandra and think there may be some clues hidden within. Zach wants to hide the video for Jesse, to save him years of nightmares, but he catches a glimpse and the hunt is on for the traffickers once again. Also Billy Clyde Tuggle is trying to track down the traffickers, for his own personal nefarious reasons.  He threatens to pig stick and ruin the marriage of one of his former johns, and gets the good on the trafficker’s hideout. 

Dr. David gets the last laugh, as he organizes a press conference to announce his new joint venture with Cortlandt Electronics.  Pete sees him on TV and absolutely loses his shit. Pete, don’t worry, there’s an App for that.

So what did you think of this week’s All My Children?  Do the other non-Binx storylines capture your attention? 

New episodes of All My Children air Mondays and Wednesdays on Hulu, and are also available for download on iTunes.

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