“All My Children” recap (May 20-24): Lezbo Princess

This week, All My Children began their abbreviated schedule of Monday and Wednesday airings. Viewer’s habits have changed, and it appears AMC has taken note of this and is trying to go with the flow. While the shortened week did give us fewer Bianca scenes than we’d like to see, the Bianca we did get was pretty damn epic.

Last week, Miranda walked out on her mother during a heated discussion about JR. Bianca, fresh from her heart-wrenching sojourn with Dr. David, arrives at the Chandler house to finish where she and Miranda left off. Bianca tries to be hip and break the ice, which is awkwardly adorable. Miranda dismisses her once again and says she’s over it. Well, too bad, because Bianca isn’t. She digs in her heels and AJ gets the hint and flees. He is a smart boy, that AJ. It’s too bad he’s probably going to be a sociopath when he gets older.

Bianca tells Miranda how much she cares about AJ, and how she fully expected to be his other mom. In spite of this fact, she can’t allow Miranda to be subjected to the horror that is JR Chandler. Miranda just rolls her eyes, which usually happens about every 10 seconds anyway. I swear, if you made a drinking game out of how often her eyeballs swirled around in their sockets, you’d be drunk before the first commercial break.

She tells her mother that if AJ needs her, she’s going to be there for him and there isn’t a damn thing Bianca can do. Bianca is obviously distraught about taking Miranda away from AJ, but when it comes to protecting her baby fawn, Mama Bianca will pull all the stops. Even if that means locking Miranda away in her room. I would be completely OK with this — just saying. Then Miranda pulls out the big guns. She says that it’s been five years, Marissa is still dead and maybe Bianca should just get over it. This is what it looks like when you get punched in the heart.

Once Bianca can breathe again, she tells her daughter that JR is the destroyer of all things kind and good in this world (i.e. Marissa) and Bianca can’t forget and won’t forgive him for that. Of course, that is the cue for JR to hobble into the scene. He’s wearing the customary uniform of the douche-nozzle, a hoodie and Members-Only style jacket. He’s rather spry for a guy whose muscles have been atrophying for five years, but that’s how we do it on AMC. He’s accompanied by Dixie and Brooke.

Bianca approaches JR, and all the pain she’s been holding inside for five years comes rushing out in one, tremendous slap. With the walls of her grief breached, she loses all control and has to be restrained by Dixie.

JR stands there and takes what she has to give him. She tells him, “Everyday for five years, I’ve prayed to God that you’d die and go to hell. You sick, twisted bastard.”

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