“Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.” recap (1.14): Tahiti is an alien place

 
 

For some reason, only the boys infiltrate the bunker, which is called the Guest House, I think. Actually, I guess they need May on the plane to fly away if something bad happens like they end up blowing up an entire mountain range. (Spoiler alert: It happens.) Garrett and Ward and Coulson get into a shoot-out with the guards inside the bunker, resulting in both of their deaths, so I’m sure Coulson is going to have a good time explaining that mathematical advantage re: agents at the next team captains meeting. The problems, they are many: Once they’re inside the bunker, they get locked in. The whole place is rigged with explosives they can’t turn off because they’re on auto-trigger from the alarm system they tripped when they broke in. Also, they have no idea where to find the meds they need.

Coulson and Fitz head to the infirmary while Ward and Garrett bust a way out. It’s real creepy in that bunker with the lights out, I’m not gonna lie. Once they find the drug they’re looking for (GH-325), Coulson sends Fitz back to the bus because he wants to poke around down here some more and he’s got at least ten, maybe twenty seconds before the whole thing implodes in a gazillion-pound pile of rubble and ash.

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On the bus:

Garrett’s assistant agent: But you’re like really busted up about this other agent. You guys must go way back.
Simmons: No, actually. We only met a few months ago, we have exactly nothing in common, but she taught me a little bit about bad girl shenanigans and I taught her a little bit about trust and our safe word was “manscaping.” She called me Bravo and she called herself Skipper.
Garrett’s assistant agent: Oh, wow, you had like a “safe word” relationship?
Simmons: Almost.
Garrett’s assistant agent: And now you can’t imagine your life without her?
Simmons: Yes, that’s it exactly.
May: Simmons, there was a transmission for you from a Secret Service warehouse in South Dakota. It was from an Agent Myka Bering. She said to tell you to “kiss the girl.” She said you’d know what it means.

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Skye starts to flat-line and Simmons is able to keep her composure long enough to revive her, but every time she does it, Skye’s heartbeat gets weaker and weaker. The boys finally show up with the GH-325, Coulson looking like straight up PTSD personified. He yells at Simmons not to give Skye the drug, but it’s too late. Skye dies one way and the the other way, Simmons just crying her beautiful English eyeballs right out, and then Skye stabilizes. Simmons strokes her hair and her face and thinks about what Myka said.

Coulson, still lookin’ like a ghost, hands over Quinn to Garrett and tells him to tell the Clairvoyant to eat some donkey balls. May comes to see him and asks what the hell he saw down in that bunker, and he says, “Oh, you know, just nothing.” Which is a lie because what he saw, behind a door marked T.A.H.I.T.I. is, I think, a mutilated Kree in a tube of goop giving up its life juices for S.H.I.E.L.D. medical research.

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In the desert, where Asgardians always seem to land, a redhead named Lorelai wanders up to a motel talking about Asgard and hypnotizing this newlywed guy into driving her away to the city somewhere and being her bodyguard. Which can only mean one thing: Lady Sif is on the way Midgard, hallelujah, praise the gods.

What did you think of this week’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.?

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