Afternoon Delight: “Harry Potter” and “Twilight” out-emo each other, Jane Lynch takes her wife to the Baftas

You guys! I’m back! I missed you! I was at the hospital almost all of last week dealing with a family emergency, and while there was plenty of free coffee and wi-fi, the hospital internet wouldn’t let me do any work because AfterEllen.com was flagged as porn! Too many uses of the words “naked” and “lesbian,” I guess. (Writing it again in this post probably just adds to the firewall confusion. Oh well. Naked lesbian. Naked lesbian. Naked lesbian. I just like the sound of it.)

• Did you read our run-down of last night’s MTV Movie Awards? My favorite part wasn’t the close-up of Christina Aguilera’s heart-shaped light-up knickers, or Kristen Stewart’s “Variations of Boredom”, or even the way people on the east coast live feed got to hear so many F-Bombs. No, my favorite part was emo-off between Eclipse and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

  See the teasers for yourself, if you haven’t already:

Verdict: Eclipse wins the emo-off because of the solo piano and cellos. Deathly Hallows wins the awesome-off because how could it not? Harry Potter is only the greatest story ever told.

• In actual awards show news, the Baftas went down last night. Jane Lynch was there with her new wifey in tow, and when she took the stage to present the award for Best Male Performance in a Comedy Role, she was greeted with raucous applause. Jane Lynch: International Superstar! How long have we been waiting to say that? For a full run-down of winners, check out The Guardian.

• After suffering through a terrible season of 24, Cherry Jones has pulled a Katherine Heigl and taken herself out of the Emmy race for Best Supporting Actress. Who can blame her, when executive producer Howard Gordon explained her character like this a few weeks ago: “There was some other mid-season purpose for her, but I can’t remember; even in the beginning, I told her I didn’t have much of a part for her.” Turns out he didn’t have much of a part for anyone in the final season. [via Movieline]

• Still mourning the loss of lesbian FBI agent Janis Hawk on FlashForward? Well, here’s your chance to protest while making a public spectacle of yourself. On June 10, fans of the show are planning a 2 minute, 17 second blackout in front of ABC network and affiliate offices in New York, L.A., Chicago, Detroit and Atlanta. If it works, I’m going to start spending my weekends wearing an “I Heart Veronica Mars” sandwich board and ringing a bell in front of CW. I mean, it’s never too late, right? [via Variety]

• Ms. Magazine posted an amazing interview with FEMINIST HULK, the superhero whose all-caps commentary on feminism, gender and Judith Butler have earned him 10,000 Twitter followers in the last month. Don’t worry; if you don’t understand Hulk-speak, the Hulk’s “literary life-partner, J” translates the interview:

Ms.: When did you first discover your feminist superpowers?

feministhulk (to J): WHICH CAME FIRST, THE JUDITH BUTLER OR THE RADIATION?

J: Definitely Butler.

feministhulk: IN BEGINNING, HULK SMASH FOR LOVE OF SMASH. LATER, HULK REALIZE CRAVING FOR SMASH CAUSED BY HEGEMONIC FORCES WHICH DISCONNECTED HULK FROM SELF. HULK QUESTION SYSTEMS OF PRIVILEGE. SOON HULK SMASH WITH GREATER PURPOSE. CULTURAL MINDFULNESS GIVE HULK SUPERPOWERS OF ANTI-PATRIARCHAL SMASH.

Seriously, read the whole interview. It’s outstanding. [via Ms.]

• Steve Jobs made his annual presentation at the Apple Worldwide Developers Conference today and here’s his message: Your iPhone 3Gs is about to make you look like this:

Because the stainless-steel-and-glass iPhone 4 is going to be 24 percent thinner, with a “retina display” that will take photos that are better than your actual eyes. It’s going to have “FaceTime” video conferencing. And it’s going to allow you to call up Rosie the Robot to let her know what you’d like to have for dinner when you’re on your way home in your flying car. [via NYT]

• Ready for your summer vacation? Logo’s TripOut and Jetsetter are launching sweepstakes for a vacation to San Francisco, the gay capital of the world. You can enter once a day until June 14th. It’s free! It’s San Francisco! Make it happen! Register to win at TripOut!

Today’s Afternoon Delight is brought to you by Emma Watson, who would like to remind you that – in movies and in awards shows, as in life – Britain does it better.