’s Gift Guide for the Gay Woman 2012

Wise-Ass Gay Woman

One thing I’ve learned in life is that, sure, I have an occasional witty one-liner but I will never have comedic timing quite like my dog nor will I ever be able to successfully deliver the punch line to a joke on the first try. Luckily, giving the gift of funny is much easier than standing up in front of a crowd and delivering the goods. Here are some wrappable knee-slappers for that witty lady friend on your list.

1. Tea Rex. I know what you’re thinking; the only beverage the folks on your list consume is whiskey, right? I bet you’d be surprised to find that some of them probably moonlight as avid tea-drinkers as well. Maybe not, but what I can guarantee is that all of them are dinosaur fans because dinosaurs are making a comeback says Tumblr. So, introducing, Tea Rex! The most aptly named anything, ever. Looks like teatime may just be the new happy hour. ($12)

2. Cards Against Humanity.This is by far the best thing that has happened to me in life, after getting my dog and my Roku Box. Starting as a Kickstarter, Cards Against Humanity has gone on to win the hearts of the politically incorrect everywhere. This is the game that you always wanted Apples To Apples to be. Raunchy, inappropriate and crass. ($25)

3. Comedy Gift Cards. For that lady that keeps you doubled over in hilarity stitches, it might be time for you to enable her comedy aspirations. Or at least treat her to a show. Clubs like Second City, Zanies, Improv Olympic and Comedy Sportz offer gift certificates that can go towards classes and shows, as do most local comedy venues. I bet that funny lady in your life would love to either attend a show or try her comedic chops in an Improv or Stand-Up class. Who knows, you may be in the presence of comedic genius. If nothing else, a sense of humor is sexy and laughing is the best medicine for the impending winter blues. ($25+)

4. DJ Cat Scratching Pad.I’m not a cat person. And while I’m sorry you had to find out this way, during one Humane Society trip I fell in love with a cat named DJ Mystery and will forever regret not adopting him as I imagine he’s made it big by now. Anywho, seeing that you have lesbian ties, you’ll be shopping for an obsessive cat-owner. Don’t let that cat lover also miss out on this dream. Added bonus, the DJ Cat Scratching Pad will provide hours of Instagramming and YouTube gold. Guaranteed. ($35)

5. The Wine Rack. I’ve never known a lesbian to kick a sports bra out of bed, much less one that holds her vino. In fact, after happening on this hybrid gem, I’ve decided to just get this for every one of the ladies on my list. Add a cup size, hide yo’ wine, and get the support needed during marathon drinking all in this machine washable bra. Because lord knows how difficult wine stains are to get out. ($35)

Erika Star

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